ellen

WOMEN 13
It was through Ellen that i gained a small reputation my second semester. My floor mates at Sanderson Hall would continually see me return home at six or so in the morning, and assume i'd been womanizing. Ellen, a junior, was a wonderful and intelligent specimen of humanity. We met through a group i'd been hanging out with, many of whom lived in the honors dorm. Musicians, "brains"…and i was the sole actor. Ellen's room was a regular hangout. Soon, even if she wasn't hanging out with the group on a certain night, i'd show up at her door at 11 or 12, and we'd talk for hours. She was involved with Grange, a statewide honor farming organization. She had a practical major, and much of our talk centered around the difficulties she was having with her boyfriend back home. They'd been together since high school, and had made life plans. I was her sounding board, and we were slowly falling for each other. After a couple months, she broke with him. Long nights talking became long nights talking and holding. One night the holding became a kiss. After many nights of kissing, one night we took our shirts (and bra) off. But her break with Brian was incomplete, and the next day she said she was sorry she'd let it go so far. I said i'd be whatever she needed. Soon she said that she loved both of us, and didn't know what to do. My freshman year ended. I saw her once that summer with the group, where she was house-sitting. After most of the others had left, the two of us came together in a big, dark room looking out on the backyard. We didn't say anything, just put our arms around each other. And i started to do something i've only experienced a handful of times since. I trembled. Uncontrollably. After a couple of minutes we were laughing, because i couldn't stop shaking. When the fall semester began, she had made Brian her choice. We saw each other less and less. A few years later, i ran into her and found out she was happily married to some third party. So it goes.