Monday, March 25, 2024

Stargate Origins: Catherine

-directed by mercedes bryce morgan

2018

Oops. A pining-for-the-fjords franchise burped out a piece of offal. Maybe they thought no one would notice, as it was originally released as ten-minute webisodes?

To sum up: in 1939, catherine chases nazis through the gate, to rescue her archaeologist father (connor trinneer - STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE, STARGATE: ATLANTIS).

Why do so many producers not grasp that hiring a brilliant writer is the ONLY essential element?? I say that because everything else (production values, acting, directing) is reasonably good. But the absence of writing competence is distressing. Any resemblance to genuine humyn behavior, purely accidental. Misogynist tropes refuse to die - even though the hero is female, she's basically a male re-packaged as female, and when they're not shifting into stone-cold-murder mode for three seconds, the wimyn here are still portrayed as overemotional (and apparently, all wimyn in the sci-fiverse are still in their 20s). And the makeup department sabotaged what could have been an effective villain - i haven't seen eyes this comically lifeless since CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON 2.

Thursday, March 21, 2024

crotch rockets

I dreamed that i was a child attending college, and returned to my dorm to discover someone had sent me a present. There were a few other people in the room i shared, and one of them grabbed my present, to open it. It was a cool action figure reminiscent of a Star Trek borg, a member of an android race who share one mind and one will. The figure had knifey hand tools (weapons, really). I wanted to carefully open and examine it, but this condescending person wouldn't let go. He discovered that there was a removable plastic cover over the crotch, from which you could shoot a spring-loaded rocket. But he was so careless, i could see he was damaging the little plastic pieces. I finally got the figure away from him, and carried it down the hall. One of the two crotch rockets was broken, but i was still happy. Then someone else grabbed it. They almost lost all the plastic pieces, and i had to spend a few minutes finding them.

YES, there's some obvious, disturbing symbolism.

YES, i recently contracted an STD!

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Zeus-F#ckin'

wrob's music videos

A list - greatest concert ever

B list - specialty occasions

C list - oblivion

Fantastic to feel an audience go with this bawdy brawler...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Isu-0Mg5Nqc

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

In Your Pants

wrob's music videos

A list - greatest concert ever

B list - specialty occasions

C list - oblivion

Och! I love this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPR1giw6yG4

Saturday, March 9, 2024

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, season 2

(Okay, a sophomore slump. A season of near-misses, conspicuous enough to make one investigate whether they lost one of their best writers. Perhaps i'm just frustrated waiting for this very good show to break the four-star barrier? And what's going on with uhura's makeup?? We haven't seen anything this anti-feminist since ORVILLE!)

FOUR-STAR EPISODES: 0

AVERAGE EPISODE RATING: 2.7

The Broken Circle ***

Fast-paced excitement, as spock and crew steal the ship to respond to a distress call from la'an, while una is jailed and pike on leave. They discover a klingon plot to re-start the war, using a false Federation ship cobbled from stolen parts. The plot holes are the unlikelihood that spock would violate orders so egregiously (and everyone would go along), and the ease with which the klingon captain forgives all. We might have been able to overlook those, were the entire episode not so thoroughly action-based, to the detriment of story and character. The wounds from the abrams era are still too fresh for that to fly.

Ad Astra per Aspera ***

Pike recruits a reluctant illyrian lawyer to defend una. A classic TREK trial episode, with the case being argued that in coming to Starfleet, una was seeking asylum from the persecution she and the augments received in their home colony. The first time i watched, it felt like something didn't click - the contentious relationship between una and her lawyer felt forced. The second time, the trial made me almost cry. Maybe i was just in a mood...or maybe on third viewing i'll award that rare fourth star.

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow ***

A dying time agent appears on Enterprise, and la'an is thrust back into the 21st century with james kirk, to foil a timeline-erasing romulan plot. Unfortunately, they don't know the nature of the plot and don't quite trust each other, having never met. They fumble around Toronto, and...fall in love. He dies, and she saves the world by preventing a child khan from being killed (a fascinating twist on "The City on the Edge of Forever"). Back aboard Enterprise, she's told by another agent she can never discuss it. She calls kirk, who has no idea who she is. A lot works in this one, and i'm not sure what that missing fourth-star element would be.

Among the Lotus Eaters ***

Enterprise visits a pre-warp planet unknowingly contaminated years earlier, on an away mission that went fatally wrong. They discover that one of their crewmembers survived, and became an emperor using Federation technology. Radiation on the planet constantly erases the memory of its inhabitants, except those living within the protected walls of the palace. P'ike, m'benga, and la'an lead an insurrection, while Enterprise suffers from the effects of the radiation as well.

Charades ***

While investigating a trans-dimensional portal left from a civilization that transcended corporeality, spock accidentally has his vulcan DNA erased. Back aboard Enterprise, he must participate in a pre-marriage ceremony with his in-laws-to-be, with the fate of the marriage hanging in the balance. The crew teaches him how to lie, while he's forced to deal with a hurricane of emotions (including laughter and his attraction with chapel). Yes, these are tired TREK tropes...but done well. On second viewing, i even almost cried during scenes with amanda and christine. And perhaps most notably, we see the first TREK away mission of more than two people, with NO males. Pardon my binary pride, but...wonderful.

Lost in Translation **

Uhura has hallucinations that turn out to be from an alien species being unknowingly massacred by Starfleet industrialism, who are crying for help. One star subtracted for cookie-cutter overuse.

Those Old Scientists **

Resist the urge to give a shatnerian "NOOOOOOO!", as characters from the animated series LOWER DECKS are stranded on this Enterprise, via a time portal accident. Yes, this is appalling corporate overreach. Does the dialogue descend to the melodramatic condescension of LOWER DECKS? A bit...but on the road to "Sub Rosa", it becomes almost watchable. I mean, skip it and you're fine. But it's not a complete disaster.

Under the Cloak of War **

Enterprise transports a klingon defector turned peace advocate...but is he a war criminal? No, m'benga turns out to have been the actual "butcher of J'Gal"...but he kills the klingon anyway. Gritty and dark, but the plot doesn't achieve contrivance escape velocity. Oh well, clint howard's back!

Subspace Rhapsody ***

A damaged quantum probability field causes the crew to break into song any time they feel emotional...and the effect will spread to the entire quadrant if they can't stop it. Forget the plot holes and inconsistencies, it's almost brilliant...but the songwriting doesn't quite transcend. And the singing-klingons segment feels achingly short-changed.

Hegemony ***

The gorn massacre a colony that has trade relations with the Federation. Survivors, including Starfleet officers, hope for rescue. Against daunting odds (and with the help of a stranded engineer named scotty), Enterprise finds a way through a blockade. In a wrecked ship in orbit, spock and chapel tangle with a gorn in a space suit. A hair's breath away from four stars...again.