Tuesday, January 16, 2018

is it you?

I'm looking for a womyn!
I've been seeking her most of my life.
Though not necessarily, i should add, one single womyn. If a female bisexual couple want to pull me into their tribe, or some other non-traditional reality...dandy!
But in my fantasies, all those lonely nights of my life, it's not threesomes or orgies to which my longings have turned. It's one womyn*. The greatest lover of my life. As i am to her.
Is it you?
In terms of wisdom, empathy, and sexual skill, i've been ready for over a decade. Yet of course i must add, that in this alienated world almost no one is capable of truly loving someone else; we're all too crippled in self-love. Those few who rise above their damage, face daunting odds when hoping for an equal with whom one has both compatibility and chemistry. It's rare to find one of those things. If you find two, you might have a friend for life. But three?
So mine is a fool's errand.
Yet if i knew how to stop longing, i wouldn't.
There have been poignant "almosts". There was meggie, when i was young, earnest, sexually clueless, and walled-off emotionally. Through a stroke of chemistry and compatibility, we shared loving so wonderful, she still may look back on it as the best of her life. I do.
There was ann, with whom i shared the most amazing sex of my life. Slow, gentle penetrations that transcended space and time. No oral, no variation in position...and it was stunning. Our emotional/intellectual spark was nice. I never wanted it to end, but jealousy did us in.
There was vanessa, for whom i felt all-consuming desire, but we couldn't navigate past our (okay, her) baggage. We never shared penetration, but i loved her body in ways she'd never experienced or imagined, and i learned that when my walls are down, there is no carnal favor i won't offer (though there remains one kiss and one sexual position i've never experienced). Two wimyn over thirty have told me i was the best lover of their life (if you're under thirty, such declarations probably have no meaning). I mourn that i wasn't able to tell them the same.
So i search, for she who embodies all these threads. I keep thinking she's out there, and when i find her i'll be able to navigate past her minefields of ego and expectation, past the holes in her spirit she's trying to fill...or maybe she'll have self-actualized herself past all that, and we'll skip right to the best loving of our lives, with no limits.
Is it you?
How would you know?
Are there particulars?
Not necessarily.
If she wants to live together, great.
Separately is fine, too.
If she's polyamorous, great.
If she wants monogamy...for the right womyn, i'm in.
Age, pigmentation, and socio-economic concerns are nonsense. Some minimum measure of intelligence or education is inescapable (probably). It's hard to imagine her lacking in humor (but not impossible). Emotionally wide open (or ready to be). Irreverent, analytical, athletic, natural, allergic to secrets...are negotiable. Poet? Scientist? Healer? Wild womyn?
Mostly though, just...spark! Cultivate me, complement me, confound me (preferably all at the same time, from the reverse cowgrrrl position).
Babies? Rationally, that could be the worst choice in terms of the creativity i have to offer the world (to say nothing of, y'know, sleep). Yet for the past few years, impregnation fantasies have consumed me (we could deconstruct the reasons, mostly ever-accumulating loneliness and a touch of mortality). Also, on a deeper level, the kind of loving i'm ready for has no walls - no fear, no self-consciousness, no barrier...no "NO". Just fucking, as two innocents in the meadow. Perhaps when one does this right, in tune with our bodies, physical contraception isn't even necessary.
Yet on a primal level, the thought of never impregnating a womyn, and sharing that experience...her heightened sexuality during pregnancy, that labor-inducing penetration on her big day, holding and loving a new humyn...i want everything in life! And that's not ego talking. Would a womyn who wants no part of that, make more sense for my creative path? Probably.
In all of this, is there a certain extent to which i'm just playing chicken with the world, forever trapped in the ether of my demons and dreams? Sure. There's a curious thing about self-actualization in a dysfunctional world...in small doses it's wonderful, making one more centered, self-loving, and better able to care for others. Yet beyond a certain point it's problematic - as one becomes more functional, one becomes less relateable to those who are "normal". I'm not saying that my actions and intentions are less reliable than most people's...i'm sure the opposite is still true. But the more clearly you see the games we play, the less likely you are to cling to a corrupted normality.
Looked at another way, i'm as sane as most people. More, no doubt. But the very definition of "sane" is nonsensical, if the average person is more insane than we (or they) realize. Also, if you open your emotional walls too far, you can get lost in the inhumanity and insanity most people simply deny or rationalize away.
Any womyn still reading?
Congratulations, you're about to enter a loving relationship so deep and healing, people will either hate you, or think you capable of saving the planet.
They might be right.
And please, let's not forget that other-worldly sex.

*I'm not saying i've always fantasized about some womyn i've never met...such a disconnect from immediacy isn't my style. My self-love fantasies, rather, are always just one womyn - those breathing possibilities who happen to be in my life at the time.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

naked nurse 15


Dear naked nurse,
What's the deal with horror movies?? I'm not talking "The Exorcist", i'm talking slasher pics. There's a million of them, with a million sequels each! I tried to get through one, for my boyfriend's sake. It was horrifying, and not for the reasons they intended! Who's watching these things (aside from my soon-to-be ex?)???
-alarmed in Alameda

Dear alarmed,
There are two main realities. The first is desensitization reinforcement. Living in this culture requires that we socialize many natural feelings out of our children, in order to prepare them for the fear and loneliness and violence that permeates this world. In order to make those things feel "normal", we have to stunt our children's natural empathy. Even though we've succeeded in this beyond anybody's wildest nightmare, humanity has a way of forever trying to re-manifest, so slasher films are a form of dehumanization reinforcement. If we can watch a fake beheading or disembowelment and not be affected, then we'll certainly be able to stand by while those around us descend into depressions or addictions or aggressions against others (or themselves).
Secondly, horror films are a substitute for our own fears and traumas, but one which we can completely control (this is where slasher and horror perform the same social function). We know when the film starts that WE won't be killed, and that even if the monsters get away with unending murder, there will always be at least one plucky survivor (who is a proxy for us, the viewer). Horror films tap into our subconscious need to survive this brutal, unfeeling real world in which we all live.
I understand your desire to flee your slasher-loving lover. That's a sane response. But try to remember how much subconscious pain they're in. These films are their coping device.
watching "My Dinner with Andre",
the naked nurse

Send queries to nakednursing@yahoo.com!

Friday, December 29, 2017

"The God Delusion"

-by richard dawkins
Dawkins, an ethologist and biologist, was Oxford's professor for public understanding of science from 1995-2008. The most succinct measure of his brilliance is that this towering tome isn't even his best work ("The Selfish Gene" or "The Ancestor's Tale" claim that honor, perhaps). The "world's preeminent atheist" lays out the myriad reasons why religious faith is untenable, as it is simultaneously a war against most of humanity, and the very notion of free, unbiased knowledge itself (to say nothing of the human self-loathing at the core). He walks though every defense of faith, from psychological to sociological, and dismantles each one. Nor does he leave the de-pantsed believer nothing to live for, as he demonstrates that human-based morality and universal wonder can match or outdo any godly wonders. He answers every critique of atheism, and delves into the origins and psychology of religion. He offers not condescension, but compassion. His writing flows from logic to science to personal stories both tragic and hysterical.
And the second-most succinct measure of his brilliance?
He has a ship named for him in Star Trek.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

"Monty Python & Philosophy"

(Nudge Nudge, Think Think!)
-edited by gary l. hardcastle & george a. reisch
A collection of essays from philosophers, about the resonances of philosophy in the universe of Monty Python...and not merely philosophical thought, but specific references to (and comments upon) differing schools of philosophy, both ancient and modern. Some writers (ahem) have gone so far as to suggest that a person's reaction to Python is one of the most foolproof, reliable measures of intelligence. Whether or not that's so, genuine philosophers seem to have no immunity to Python magic, as many of these writers credit Python with inspiring their careers. The essays range from fantastic to middling to contractually obligatory (i'm looking at you, 3, 9, and 13). The most brilliant by far are "Against Transcendentalism: Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and Buddhism", by stephen t. asma, and "Madness in Monty Python's Flying Circus", by michelle spinelli. Asma's piece is simply one of the most piercing and concise summations of buddhism i've ever come across. What does that have to do with Python? A whole lot, actually. And spinelli's contribution is an historical deconstruction of the evolution of "madness" in western society. Reading it will make you understand yet another aspect of how far our society has strayed from any semblance of health.
A wonderful read. And not just because you'll finally learn every single lyric to the bruce's "Philosopher's Song".

Monday, December 18, 2017


(New Thinking About Children)
-by po bronson & ashley merryman
A windstorm that blows through traditional attitudes on child psychology (and by "traditional", i mean the stuff that is currently being employed by parents and schools everywhere). Bronson and merryman tabulate reams of new research that show us where we've been going astray. Heaping unqualified praise on children early and often may make them insecure under-performers - far better to praise effort ("mind is muscle"). Children get one hour less sleep than they did thirty years ago - which may be making them dumber, unhappier, fatter, plus that ADHD thing! Children in diverse schools are LESS likely to have a cross-racial friendship, traditional strategies to promote honesty only make children better liars, and educational media films for young children make them more aggressive and controlling (AND fail to improve their language growth...but now we know what does). Oh yes, and almost everything we thought about school gifted programs seems to be wrong. The research from chapter 7 shows that rebellion is a necessary function of teen brain growth, and that their argumentativeness with parents is a sign of respect...though that's the only chapter of which i'm not sure the researchers were asking the right questions. They were ignoring the sociological effects of raising children in a fear-based society of alienation. The authors themselves toss out one huge blind spot bias, asserting that natural teen sexuality is "bad", and to be repressed. But by and large, this brilliant book is guaranteed to turn much of what you thought you knew about parenting on its head.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

dear richard

Hello richard,
Stray thoughts that swirl...did you ever see the chris rock documentary "Good Hair"? It's a cutting (ha) investigation of black wimyn and hair. He interviews maya angelou, and she says that she spent her life refusing to straighten - until she turned seventy, that is! And chris avoids the obvious question - "Why did you start?" It made me pull my hair out (ha)! Did he feel too intimidated to ask?
Or maybe he did ask, but the answer ended up on the cutting room (ha) floor.
There is, by the way, a very good reason for why i was so taken with the chapelle method of dealing with the n word. I remember the most painful compliment i ever received - a sweet old lady told me she was so impressed that i never curse.
It wasn't true...i use "profanity" less than many, but i use it. And more to the point, intellectually i rejected the idea that words can be automatically bad. Any word can be good or bad, depending on intent. But to call a word automatically bad, is to give that word power over our emotions. It allows words to control us, rather than the other way around.
Just because i think things through, doesn't make me right. I'm open to being convinced that the chapelle method is wrong. But "blind spot" is a harsh way to describe what feels like a minuscule difference in tactics. Let's say that you and i and chris all decided in our youth that we needed to have a book in our heads, "How to Fight Racism". Over the course of our lives, our individual books have grown and changed. One chapter of these books would be "How to fight the language of racism". There are at least ten subsets of that chapter, and i suspect we agree on nine of them. We even agree on the word in general - in at least 99.9999% of social situations, that word has no place (in that regard, i'm a lot closer to your position than many in the black community).
I'm not saying the piece i wrote should be celebrated by the world. Maybe it just can't do what i intended it to do, in this world at this time. When i swing, i swing big. It's one of my strengths, and one of my weaknesses.
But i'm just saying, the racists of the world would do cartwheels to learn that chris is tearing me down because he and i disagree on a subset of a subset of a subset, when the far more important point is that he and i both hold the same book aloft.
Okay, enough release.
Thank you again for being there,

Friday, December 8, 2017

writer banned from open mic

(Note: since i'm the subject of this news release, i'm forced to interview myself. Don't worry, i won't go easy on me.)

San Francisco, Haight Ashbury
December 8, 2017
-A newly-arrived entertainer in the Bay area has been banned from the weekly open mic at Bound Together, the anarchist bookstore on Haight Avenue. Wrob, a writer/public speaker who hails from New York City and an island in the Gulf of Mexico, gave a performance last night that dealt with racial issues. While the story, a semi-fictional tale ostensibly about the development of wimyn's undergarments in England in the 19th century, was well-received, the bookstore's MC informed wrob (who doesn't use his last name as a protest against patriarchy) afterwards that he was never to come to Bound Together again. We asked wrob what happened.
NAKED MEADOW: Wrob, what happened?
WROB: I'm not quite sure.
NM: Tell us about the piece you read.
WROB: It uses humor to deal with issues of race. It's called "The Knicker Wars", and on the surface, it's about the development of knickers in England. At first, they were two separate leggings tied together at the waist, until the forces of religious conservatism decided that crotchless panties contributed to moral decay. Taking that as a starting point, i made up a culture war pitting libertines against prudes - in other words, the knicker-haters against the knicker-lovers. Obviously, i'm invoking the dreaded "N" word. The story's humor operates on multiple levels. I'm pointing up the ridiculousness of racism, the ridiculousness of letting words control our emotions...and of course the ridiculousness of sexual repression. The piece is about being able to laugh at ourselves in the face of insanities and inhumanities. And freeing ourselves from the tyranny of words and labels.
NM: Had you performed there before?
WROB: Yes, twice. I've been in the city a little over a month, and have performed at many open mics. It's been wonderful, and before last night i'd left only a trail of conspicuously happy responses.
NM: Had you performed this piece?
WROB: Only a couple times in Florida, to fine (if occasionally confused) responses. And let me stress, i have no doubt that the rev responded with the best of intentions. My humor can be complex and challenging. Sometimes that's the point - using the power of words to bump people out of their comfort zones, to force them to look at an issue from a different angle. Or just give them permission to laugh at something awful. If you can laugh at something, you strip away some of its power. This piece dances on a HUGE emotional button, and i have much faith in the rev's intentions.
NM: The rev?
WROB: At this open mic, we perform under alternate names. The rev, the MC, is a fantastic performer and writer. He's far from conservative. I had hopes of becoming friends with him.
NM: What name were you performing under?
WROB: Bonobo X.
NM: And the rev thought "The Knicker Wars" was offensive?
WROB: Apparently.
NM: Racist?
WROB: Apparently.
NM: What had he thought of your other work?
WROB: He'd already booked me as a featured speaker (now cancelled), and spoken with me about co-heading artistic projects with him.
NM: Tell me more about the crowd's response last night.
WROB: A performer knows when they have an audience, and i had 'em. When i finished and walked back to my seat, amid the applause someone in the front row (a person of color) jumped up and hugged me. It was humbling. But again, it's challenging material. I get that it might rub anyone the wrong way, depending on a million circumstances. I don't know what realities brought the rev to that moment in his life. I have complete faith that he was trying to do good. I just never imagined my first lenny bruce moment would be in an anarchist bookstore!
NM: Were you nervous performing the piece in front of a "person of color"?
WROB: That's why i chose it! I saw multiple people of color in attendance, which isn't always the case, and i was excited. It felt like the perfect choice.
NM: When did the rev tell you his feelings?
WROB: Right after my set, he asked me outside. I honestly thought he was going to lay some compliment on me he wasn't comfortable doing in front of everyone. When he started talking, it was like i'd stepped into the twilight zone.
NM: How do you feel now?
WROB: Sad. Stunned...unsure how i got zero benefit of the doubt...his backlash was almost savage. I think he must have felt horribly backed into some corner.
NM: Has this made you doubt your material?
WROB: Just this one piece? Possibly. I mean, i don't doubt its intent, but maybe it doesn't achieve what i want it to. It was the first real audience i'd ever done it for.
NM: If you were black, might the rev have judged you differently?
WROB: That's a brilliant question.
NM: Well, we didn't just fall off the turnip truck.
WROB: Yeah, maybe. It's so hard though...i mean, i myself did that just a few questions ago! I identified that person who jumped up to hug me as a "person of color". I reduced a humyn to their skin. It can be almost impossible to free yourself from the tyranny of labels.
NM: So what now?
WROB: Now...i'll just try to manifest patience and love.
When i asked wrob to describe himself as a writer, he said "the love child of twain, thoreau, lenny, and simone de beauvoir". I asked whether he intends to keep on performing, and he sure as hell hopes so. I asked whether he would do "The Knicker Wars" again, and he asked whether i knew any other anarchist bookstores.