Tuesday, December 30, 2014

naked nurse 2

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
A colleague was defending the belief in god, and said that humans have always believed, so the urge to seek higher meaning must be human nature. Can she be right?
frustrated in fresno

Dear frustrated,
Well...she's partly right. But only technically! Her grasp on human nature is comparable to a gibbon's grasp on geometry. As best we can tell (which ain't yet all that well), ancient pre-agricultural societies (or 99% of human history) seem to have generally had some sort of supernatural belief system. But to equate those beliefs with modern conceptions of god is hellaciously misleading. Their gods were more distant than modern ones, who are in our back pockets, up in our grills, and all over our bedrooms (horny buggers!). Ancient gods were more benign - no roasting in hell, reward in heaven, or revelation. They were probably treated more as story than substance - like santa claus, or henry hudson making thunder by bowling ninepins in the sky. God is a concept by which we measure our pain, and humanity is in an epoch of horrifically perverse self-loathing, but to propose that we've always been caught up in existential angst or obsessed by a world other than the one around us, is to project post-agricultural mass misery where it doesn't belong - all data points to the likelihood that ancient humans were happier, healthier, peaceful, well-fed and well-loved (oh my my, were they well-loved).
So throw these perspectives into your ongoing debate...but don't get your hopes up. For do you know who creates an invisible rabbit?
Someone who needs an invisible rabbit.
perspicacious ponderings,
the naked nurse

Send queries to nakednursing@yahoo.com!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

naked nurse

SOOTHING OUR SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL/SEXUAL STRIFE

Dear naked nurse,
My friend says that the best sex is about spiritual connection. I say physical chemistry. Who's right??
horny in Harrisburg

Dear horny,
You're both wrong! Your friend is flirting with a heap of disappointment, hoping for great sex with a spiritual soul mate. If the physical chemistry isn't there, no amount of adoration or devotion will make us anything but sad in the sack.
But you're mistaken too.
Oh sure, the kind of instant attraction that makes hair stand on end can make for a delirious romp. There might even be an orgasm or two before you get your clothes off! Tallywacker-ho!
But.
Counter-intuitively...
If the game you're playing is "best sex of your life", start by finding someone with whom you're mildly/moderately attracted. Someone you can take or leave. Someone you'd give a tumble if they're not a blathering idiot, and you haven't had a shag since summer. Someone who makes you say, "Well, that was pretty nice", during the initial post-coital cuddle.
The reason moderately-exciting attraction can equal sex for the ages is this - it ain't over in the time it takes to read this sentence. Hair-on-end attraction is nature's way of saying "get to the baby-making NOW". If you want the healthiest baby, seek out someone who makes your knees knock (and inversely, if you want some immunologically-deficient half-wit, trying forcing a pregnancy when nature ain't interested). Yes, nature wants babies...but doesn't care about the quality of your lovemaking. Knee-knocking attraction can make both participants BOOM automatically. For a woman, there's nothing bad about that...except when she's suddenly holding a male who's ready for naptime. With moderate attraction, it's easier for the male to hold off that boom, and settle into some lovemaking that lasts ten minutes...twenty minutes...an hour or two. Then, if you happen to actually like this person, the formula of 90-minute penetrations + spiritual bonding =
Best sex ever.
The kind where space and time melt.
The kind where your mind disappears.
The happiest and healthiest thing this broken world has to offer.
merry mistletoeing,
the naked nurse

P.S. Another benefit of moderately-attracted canoodling is that you can sometimes get away with playing a little fast and loose with contraception. Which can also be a factor in the "best sex" game.

Send queries to nakednursing@yahoo.com!