Those i should have loved, i failed
Those who should have loved me, they failed
I hear a scoff, i hear a tut
but you and i know better
For one sacred second
within the space of a poem
we spy truth's slippery shadow
Excise every iota
of self-serving effluvia
and what
is truly
left?
Most never allow
that lacerating lathe of truth
We don't know how
And if we did, we wouldn't
Blinders in place, we prance or stumble on
Ever patching facades of reliability
Ever weaving webs of mutual self-interest
Sometimes one intersection
will hold up for years
or a lifetime
Don't dare call it humyn decency
The path of least resistance?
Sing a self-leveraging serenade!
Don't dare call it humyn decency
In brackish, blackish backwaters poets know
we abandoned them all
TOO inconvenient unsexy unflattering
Run away, a voice cried!
So we ran, oh we ran
And the unfeeling faces of those who fled
did not fail to flee themselves
Would you like the litany of names?
A voyeuristic vomit of guilt and shame?
Those i crucified, those who let me die
Don't tempt me...
How would you exist in perpetual-retribution exemption?
Our reflexive response is the deceit we repeat
Ego dies when we spy our lies
Radical truth begets
radical forgiveness
Tuesday, June 30, 2020
Monday, June 29, 2020
black & blonde
Blonde & black in love entwined
Breaking beyond barriers of mind
Black & blonde in beauty entwined
Naked innocence healing humynkind
Breaking beyond barriers of mind
Black & blonde in beauty entwined
Naked innocence healing humynkind
Sunday, June 28, 2020
snapshots and snow globes
I loathe the game "I'm not right for you"
We count on our brains to see us through
Bestowing love only where we find no frictions
with all our requirements, all our restrictions
Are we woven from the same weave?
Do we cleave to what they believe?
Affinities and divinities, references and preferences
Landscapes and escapes, conclusions and delusions
But our brains are dumber than our DNA
Our molecules feel the truths that we hide away
Our bones prime us to love a universe of folk
but obeying those cells becomes a sick, sick joke
This world punishes those who love without measure
We negative reinforce, we poison that pleasure
And even when we do follow our sad little brain
those loving choices lead too often to pain
How else could it be when love is negotiation?
Snapshots and snow globes give no oxygenation
So each life becomes a starless galaxy
Only black holes where love was supposed to be
We count on our brains to see us through
Bestowing love only where we find no frictions
with all our requirements, all our restrictions
Are we woven from the same weave?
Do we cleave to what they believe?
Affinities and divinities, references and preferences
Landscapes and escapes, conclusions and delusions
But our brains are dumber than our DNA
Our molecules feel the truths that we hide away
Our bones prime us to love a universe of folk
but obeying those cells becomes a sick, sick joke
This world punishes those who love without measure
We negative reinforce, we poison that pleasure
And even when we do follow our sad little brain
those loving choices lead too often to pain
How else could it be when love is negotiation?
Snapshots and snow globes give no oxygenation
So each life becomes a starless galaxy
Only black holes where love was supposed to be
Saturday, June 27, 2020
crimes table
(a love note to jeff bezos)
Raise your hand if you have less than you need!
Come step into truth that makes eyes bleed
Raise your hand if you have just what you need
An enviable state, may we be agreed?
Raise your hand if you have twice your need
Perhaps pragmatism you now exceed?
Raise your hand if you have ten times your need
Ethically embarrassing, can't you concede?
Raise your hand if you have a hundred times your need
Oh how deep are the depths of greed?
Raise your hand if you have a thousand times your need
Humynity's healing you implacably impede
Raise your hand if you have a million times your need
while we cry, die, suffer, and plead
The poor are powerless to proceed
Tain't no god to intercede
Mass murder no minor misdeed
You imperil your imperative to breathe and breed
Raise your hand if you have less than you need!
Come step into truth that makes eyes bleed
Raise your hand if you have just what you need
An enviable state, may we be agreed?
Raise your hand if you have twice your need
Perhaps pragmatism you now exceed?
Raise your hand if you have ten times your need
Ethically embarrassing, can't you concede?
Raise your hand if you have a hundred times your need
Oh how deep are the depths of greed?
Raise your hand if you have a thousand times your need
Humynity's healing you implacably impede
Raise your hand if you have a million times your need
while we cry, die, suffer, and plead
The poor are powerless to proceed
Tain't no god to intercede
Mass murder no minor misdeed
You imperil your imperative to breathe and breed
Wednesday, June 24, 2020
orbits
Jimi and jaco were jamming with miles and monk
It was jazzed, it was bluesed, it was fused, it was funk!
Jaco and jimi were jamming with monk and miles
Everyone had extra-terrestrial smiles
Miles and monk jamming with jaco and jimi
A flesh quake, sense-shake saturnalian shimmy
Monk and miles jamming with jimi and jaco
Minds melting to orbits mortals never know
It was jazzed, it was bluesed, it was fused, it was funk!
Jaco and jimi were jamming with monk and miles
Everyone had extra-terrestrial smiles
Miles and monk jamming with jaco and jimi
A flesh quake, sense-shake saturnalian shimmy
Monk and miles jamming with jimi and jaco
Minds melting to orbits mortals never know
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
Sunday, June 21, 2020
sinner frankie
Is it raining hard in frisco?
Only freedom's air can get me right
I'm a post-industrial peon raised on TV
and fast food and intimacy fright
Think i'll hop me a freight train
because i'm feeling so blue
Maybe just maybe somebody left
MY heart in San Francisco too?
Oh somebody tell me, tell me
where can Philmo Street be found?
Is free love truly dead?
Gotta be some around!
Are we all just dreaming androids?
Maude's gone, but harold might be cool
Don't want my body invaded or snatched
I'm adrift in mrs. robinson's pool
Searching for a tribe or flower child
A healer, howler, hugger, a...booker
Isn't this where captain kirk went
before he became t.j. hooker?
Did the Alcatraz birdman tell his friends
to go fuck up tippi hedren?
Look! Above the Golden Gate!
007 dick-swinging with chris walken!
And there! Saget and the olsens
having a menage e trois!
Chekov needs nuclear wessels
(i think they're in Alameda)
Will California girls (i mean wimyn!)
find me a priceless prize?
No maneaters please (though i do like
what's between ms. stone's thighs)
No amy, i don't believe in luck
and this world offers damn few joys
But listen! It's "Eyes of the World"
played by jerry and the boys!
Is that summer of love now
a woeful winter of ill will?
Not if i throw off my clothes
and play ukulele on Hippie Hill
Only freedom's air can get me right
I'm a post-industrial peon raised on TV
and fast food and intimacy fright
Think i'll hop me a freight train
because i'm feeling so blue
Maybe just maybe somebody left
MY heart in San Francisco too?
Oh somebody tell me, tell me
where can Philmo Street be found?
Is free love truly dead?
Gotta be some around!
Are we all just dreaming androids?
Maude's gone, but harold might be cool
Don't want my body invaded or snatched
I'm adrift in mrs. robinson's pool
Searching for a tribe or flower child
A healer, howler, hugger, a...booker
Isn't this where captain kirk went
before he became t.j. hooker?
Did the Alcatraz birdman tell his friends
to go fuck up tippi hedren?
Look! Above the Golden Gate!
007 dick-swinging with chris walken!
And there! Saget and the olsens
having a menage e trois!
Chekov needs nuclear wessels
(i think they're in Alameda)
Will California girls (i mean wimyn!)
find me a priceless prize?
No maneaters please (though i do like
what's between ms. stone's thighs)
No amy, i don't believe in luck
and this world offers damn few joys
But listen! It's "Eyes of the World"
played by jerry and the boys!
Is that summer of love now
a woeful winter of ill will?
Not if i throw off my clothes
and play ukulele on Hippie Hill
Thursday, June 18, 2020
Where Have All the Follicles Gone
(sung to the tune of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone", by pete seeger)
Long time passing
Where have all the bushes gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the bushes gone?
Everybody's mowed their lawn
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Where have all the bushes gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the bushes gone?
Everybody's mowed their lawn
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Where have all the eyebrows gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the eyebrows gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the eyebrows gone?
Painted stubble every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Long time passing
Where have all the eyebrows gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the eyebrows gone?
Painted stubble every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Where have all the grey hairs gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the grey hairs gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the grey hairs gone?
Is paul mccartney twenty-one?
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Long time passing
Where have all the grey hairs gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the grey hairs gone?
Is paul mccartney twenty-one?
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Where have all the brunettes gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the brunettes gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the brunettes gone?
Anyone can have more fun
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Where have all the afros gone?
Long time passing
Underarm and leg hairs gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the bushes gone
Everybody's mowed their lawn
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Long time passing
Underarm and leg hairs gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the bushes gone
Everybody's mowed their lawn
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?
Wednesday, June 17, 2020
gleemarcation
That's why i'm alive
To serve you affirmation and adoration
For the first time in my life
To plie' past perimeters of predation
That's why i'm alive
To affirm thee and adore thee
A mirror for your spirit
minus contingency
That's why i'm alive
To render you affirmed and adored
For the realm of "scored!" and "hoard"
becomes soon bored and ignored
That's why we're alive
To affirm and adore
The commodification dance
shall sashay no more
To serve you affirmation and adoration
For the first time in my life
To plie' past perimeters of predation
That's why i'm alive
To affirm thee and adore thee
A mirror for your spirit
minus contingency
That's why i'm alive
To render you affirmed and adored
For the realm of "scored!" and "hoard"
becomes soon bored and ignored
That's why we're alive
To affirm and adore
The commodification dance
shall sashay no more
Tuesday, June 16, 2020
unseamly
They're prancing their pussies all around
Carousing their cunts completely unbound
Manumitting their muffs in moral meltdown
Stalking and sleepwalking, sexually spellbound
Hurling into a hormonal hunting ground
Crashing all conservatism aground
Unleashing utter inhibition breakdown
Complete carnal chaos is crowned
It's oh so bigger than gold-digger dreams
Fucking rock stars is where repression
explodes at the seams
Carousing their cunts completely unbound
Manumitting their muffs in moral meltdown
Stalking and sleepwalking, sexually spellbound
Hurling into a hormonal hunting ground
Crashing all conservatism aground
Unleashing utter inhibition breakdown
Complete carnal chaos is crowned
It's oh so bigger than gold-digger dreams
Fucking rock stars is where repression
explodes at the seams
Monday, June 15, 2020
can
As a child i was sent to school
dressed as a can of beer
Not knowing i'd be breaking a rule
"No child, you DON'T wear that here"
It was an excellent can, painted by hand
Craftsmanship through and through
And somehow i find, as the years unwind
i'm still in that can no matter what i do
I repulse people i try to love
Doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong word
Thinking too deep, feeling too much
Fuck the games, they're absurd
dressed as a can of beer
Not knowing i'd be breaking a rule
"No child, you DON'T wear that here"
It was an excellent can, painted by hand
Craftsmanship through and through
And somehow i find, as the years unwind
i'm still in that can no matter what i do
I repulse people i try to love
Doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong word
Thinking too deep, feeling too much
Fuck the games, they're absurd
Thursday, June 11, 2020
schizophrenEEK!
(or, the two wrobs)
What an inauspicious start...invoking the false factoid definition of a famous term. But "multiple personality disorder" or "dissociative identity disorder" are crappy titles. And neither are true either, as the two wrobs have always been integrated. So well in fact, that it's only in middle age that i've pondered the duality.
But it's always been there.
In personality and physicality, there is a duality in me that seems more pronounced than for most. I was once described by someone as the most diplomatic person they'd ever met...and by another, the most tactless. The most easygoing and open-minded...and most stubborn or self-righteous? The most tolerant...and harshest critic?
Somehow, all true.
Being an unimpeachably trustworthy nurturer has always been at the core of my self-image. And often the reality. Several wimyn have made me the first person they've told they were raped. Other people have shared their most troubling secret. I've been trusted, profoundly and humblingly.
Yet others might tell you of an insensitive, creepy, or narcissistic wrob. I've rubbed some the wrong way, because i've always had a minor (or not so minor) savior complex, and have almost no fear of being misunderstood. That's brilliant, yet tragic.
I spent decades chasing radical humility, because i was far too aware of the arrogance lurking in us all. In my case, i might have called it justified arrogance, and we could lose hours debating whether such a thing exists.
To all that, you might respond that many of us are complex, and most of us contradictory.
Agreed.
But still, what the hell am i? College standout kissed by the hottest coed? Teetotaler who had my retainer tossed in a toilet by drunken floormates? On-call back-rubber for every womyn in my dorm (literally hearing my name shouted in summons down the hall, almost every night)? Outcast who had makeup applied to my sleeping face by smirking comrades? High school star of the play? Loner who didn't go to the prom because "he wouldn't have wanted to go with anyone who would have wanted to go with him"? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.
That last choice was a bit of a martyrish pose, reflecting both unacknowledged snobbery and my determination to have a womyn whose "hotness" was perhaps unconventional, but indisputable. That's not quite fair to me though - i also sensed that prom was bullshit capitalistic show and tell. And even at that tender age, i had to be subconsciously aware that i'd met no female who was a pea for my offbeat pod (three decades on, same story). But still, wimyn weren't flocking to me as i thought they should, so my subconscious dealt with it in a way that kept my self-worth bulletproof.
Am i simply an embodiment of our culture of psycho-sexual alienation, in which we forever struggle to come to terms with that person in the mirror? There is a disconnect in us all, between the way we see ourselves and the way others do.
All true...yet for me, it feels like there's more to it. More than anyone i know, it feels like a fair response to my life is "What the hell is that guy?"
For instance, i've no idea whether i'm handsome or ugly.
Okay, that's not true. I'm either.
I'm not talking about bad hair or lighting. Some days, i look in the mirror and am struck by model good looks. Other days...as a friend said, "yechhh". I promise, this isn't some manifestation of the crippled self-worth we all share. I had to have my occasional ugliness pointed out, as i'd always seen myself as the most attractive person on the planet. Much of that stemmed from a teenage defense mechanism. I built my emotional walls so high, they took years (decades?) to deconstruct.
But i recently came face-to-face with this changeability, undertaking a six-week music project, recording a new video almost every day, in the same place with the same camera. I received a more profound tutorial in THIS IS YOU than most people ever do. And what i discovered was looks so inconstant, one might almost wonder whether it's the same person.
It leaves me envying all those who are simply one or the other. Attractive. Ugly. Somewhere on that spectrum.
I know, i know, the grass is greener, and being indisputably one quality or the other is its own prison. Yet mine seems the crueler torment...wondering whether my life might have gone in different directions, receiving (or being denied) love or opportunities, simply through random timing. One might think it would all balance out, but i suspect that in the long-term, it's more disadvantageous. I've not had many long-term romances...is this part of the reason?
I truly have no idea.
Personality seems inextricably tied to physicality, as our assessments of others are profoundly bound to how "attractive" they are...or how attractive we think others think they are. We all bullshit ourselves into thinking we're not so shallow.
I truly have to ponder whether a weaker personality would have succumbed to genuine schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder long ago. Some have been quite intimidated by my intelligence or attractiveness - yet i've also had striking feedback in the other direction. I know that if any of us came face to face with total truth...with what everyone we've known has actually thought about us, mental breakdowns would result. Few grasp just how tenuous and fragile our self-images are.
I would love that raw honesty. Even if it contained a thousand gut-punches, and only a few gems of affirmation. I promise you, there are a handful of hopeless crushes from all our pasts, who were pining for us just as much. Life-changers that never happened.
Who am i, we all want to know...we strive to label it, yearning for the comfort of certainty. Am i who i THINK i am? Am i what others think? How will i ever know?
Even for the strongest, this culture provides enough disconnects to keep anyone in perpetual therapy.
We trudge on, constantly trying to get the world to agree with our self-serving self-image.
Who am i?
Who are you?
Who are we??
What an inauspicious start...invoking the false factoid definition of a famous term. But "multiple personality disorder" or "dissociative identity disorder" are crappy titles. And neither are true either, as the two wrobs have always been integrated. So well in fact, that it's only in middle age that i've pondered the duality.
But it's always been there.
In personality and physicality, there is a duality in me that seems more pronounced than for most. I was once described by someone as the most diplomatic person they'd ever met...and by another, the most tactless. The most easygoing and open-minded...and most stubborn or self-righteous? The most tolerant...and harshest critic?
Somehow, all true.
Being an unimpeachably trustworthy nurturer has always been at the core of my self-image. And often the reality. Several wimyn have made me the first person they've told they were raped. Other people have shared their most troubling secret. I've been trusted, profoundly and humblingly.
Yet others might tell you of an insensitive, creepy, or narcissistic wrob. I've rubbed some the wrong way, because i've always had a minor (or not so minor) savior complex, and have almost no fear of being misunderstood. That's brilliant, yet tragic.
I spent decades chasing radical humility, because i was far too aware of the arrogance lurking in us all. In my case, i might have called it justified arrogance, and we could lose hours debating whether such a thing exists.
To all that, you might respond that many of us are complex, and most of us contradictory.
Agreed.
But still, what the hell am i? College standout kissed by the hottest coed? Teetotaler who had my retainer tossed in a toilet by drunken floormates? On-call back-rubber for every womyn in my dorm (literally hearing my name shouted in summons down the hall, almost every night)? Outcast who had makeup applied to my sleeping face by smirking comrades? High school star of the play? Loner who didn't go to the prom because "he wouldn't have wanted to go with anyone who would have wanted to go with him"? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.
That last choice was a bit of a martyrish pose, reflecting both unacknowledged snobbery and my determination to have a womyn whose "hotness" was perhaps unconventional, but indisputable. That's not quite fair to me though - i also sensed that prom was bullshit capitalistic show and tell. And even at that tender age, i had to be subconsciously aware that i'd met no female who was a pea for my offbeat pod (three decades on, same story). But still, wimyn weren't flocking to me as i thought they should, so my subconscious dealt with it in a way that kept my self-worth bulletproof.
Am i simply an embodiment of our culture of psycho-sexual alienation, in which we forever struggle to come to terms with that person in the mirror? There is a disconnect in us all, between the way we see ourselves and the way others do.
All true...yet for me, it feels like there's more to it. More than anyone i know, it feels like a fair response to my life is "What the hell is that guy?"
For instance, i've no idea whether i'm handsome or ugly.
Okay, that's not true. I'm either.
I'm not talking about bad hair or lighting. Some days, i look in the mirror and am struck by model good looks. Other days...as a friend said, "yechhh". I promise, this isn't some manifestation of the crippled self-worth we all share. I had to have my occasional ugliness pointed out, as i'd always seen myself as the most attractive person on the planet. Much of that stemmed from a teenage defense mechanism. I built my emotional walls so high, they took years (decades?) to deconstruct.
But i recently came face-to-face with this changeability, undertaking a six-week music project, recording a new video almost every day, in the same place with the same camera. I received a more profound tutorial in THIS IS YOU than most people ever do. And what i discovered was looks so inconstant, one might almost wonder whether it's the same person.
It leaves me envying all those who are simply one or the other. Attractive. Ugly. Somewhere on that spectrum.
I know, i know, the grass is greener, and being indisputably one quality or the other is its own prison. Yet mine seems the crueler torment...wondering whether my life might have gone in different directions, receiving (or being denied) love or opportunities, simply through random timing. One might think it would all balance out, but i suspect that in the long-term, it's more disadvantageous. I've not had many long-term romances...is this part of the reason?
I truly have no idea.
Personality seems inextricably tied to physicality, as our assessments of others are profoundly bound to how "attractive" they are...or how attractive we think others think they are. We all bullshit ourselves into thinking we're not so shallow.
I truly have to ponder whether a weaker personality would have succumbed to genuine schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder long ago. Some have been quite intimidated by my intelligence or attractiveness - yet i've also had striking feedback in the other direction. I know that if any of us came face to face with total truth...with what everyone we've known has actually thought about us, mental breakdowns would result. Few grasp just how tenuous and fragile our self-images are.
I would love that raw honesty. Even if it contained a thousand gut-punches, and only a few gems of affirmation. I promise you, there are a handful of hopeless crushes from all our pasts, who were pining for us just as much. Life-changers that never happened.
Who am i, we all want to know...we strive to label it, yearning for the comfort of certainty. Am i who i THINK i am? Am i what others think? How will i ever know?
Even for the strongest, this culture provides enough disconnects to keep anyone in perpetual therapy.
We trudge on, constantly trying to get the world to agree with our self-serving self-image.
Who am i?
Who are you?
Who are we??
Wednesday, June 10, 2020
time's dream
I wish i had a time machine
for simone de beauvoir, an intersexed cherokee, and me
We'd travel to each moment of your life
you felt unloved or unfree
Whenever you felt confused
belittled, used, or betrayed
Invalidated, isolated
Anytime you were afraid
We'd fly to you in those moments
through the misty hourglass sand
We'd seek you in your sadness
We'd look into your eyes, and...
Wrap you in hugs
Wrap you in healings
Wrap you in tickles
Wrap you in squealings
Wrap you in affirmations
Wrap you in sighs
Wrap you in heartbeats
Wrap you in cries
We'd hold you 'til you slept like a babe
To a dreamland so fearless and free
Then we'd tiptoe to the time machine
Simone de beauvoir, an intersexed cherokee, and me
for simone de beauvoir, an intersexed cherokee, and me
We'd travel to each moment of your life
you felt unloved or unfree
Whenever you felt confused
belittled, used, or betrayed
Invalidated, isolated
Anytime you were afraid
We'd fly to you in those moments
through the misty hourglass sand
We'd seek you in your sadness
We'd look into your eyes, and...
Wrap you in hugs
Wrap you in healings
Wrap you in tickles
Wrap you in squealings
Wrap you in affirmations
Wrap you in sighs
Wrap you in heartbeats
Wrap you in cries
We'd hold you 'til you slept like a babe
To a dreamland so fearless and free
Then we'd tiptoe to the time machine
Simone de beauvoir, an intersexed cherokee, and me
Tuesday, June 9, 2020
undermar
You make me feel repulsive and base
and wretched shame for this humyn race
Your flesh fills me with lust and greed
Your poems makes this poor heart bleed
But then excruciating existential pains
Such creeping corruptions of our selfishly-socialized brains
I must acquire and devour
Wipe away your willpower
til' all you see is desire for me
Emblazoning thee on my life's mythology!
Ah, such egotistical lament...
Shameless, aimless self-aggrandizement
This callous craving feels so cliched
A trophy-hunting endgame to getting laid
Yet in shedding the shackles of superficial city
must i eschew you for being so pretty?
WIPE IT AWAY, peer past the lies
WIPE IT AWAY, perceive the pearlescent prize
Comprehend me, i know you can
Your spirit cries for a complementary man
You'll never find eyes so knowing and needful as mine
Feel this cuore caress like a clinging vine
You embody my epitome of carnality
I'd rather die than never fuck fearless and free
Fucking unforeseen since the founding of time
The most naked fornication in humynity's reclamatory climb
A proclamation that homo sapiens can heal this Earth
An affirmation celebration of goddess rebirth
and wretched shame for this humyn race
Your flesh fills me with lust and greed
Your poems makes this poor heart bleed
But then excruciating existential pains
Such creeping corruptions of our selfishly-socialized brains
I must acquire and devour
Wipe away your willpower
til' all you see is desire for me
Emblazoning thee on my life's mythology!
Ah, such egotistical lament...
Shameless, aimless self-aggrandizement
This callous craving feels so cliched
A trophy-hunting endgame to getting laid
Yet in shedding the shackles of superficial city
must i eschew you for being so pretty?
WIPE IT AWAY, peer past the lies
WIPE IT AWAY, perceive the pearlescent prize
Comprehend me, i know you can
Your spirit cries for a complementary man
You'll never find eyes so knowing and needful as mine
Feel this cuore caress like a clinging vine
You embody my epitome of carnality
I'd rather die than never fuck fearless and free
Fucking unforeseen since the founding of time
The most naked fornication in humynity's reclamatory climb
A proclamation that homo sapiens can heal this Earth
An affirmation celebration of goddess rebirth
Monday, June 8, 2020
consumartian chronicle
It's time to stop starving in a cornucopia of food
It's time to finally be completely nude
It's time to be astounded by suddenly being safe
It's time to forgo this world that makes us stifle and chafe
It's time to misplace the modifier "maybe"
It's time for our bodies to decide about a baby
It's time to stop measuring increments of bad or good
It's time to be undone by being understood
It's time to see the sun after merciless, unending night
It's time for "you" to fall away in freedom's first flight
It's time to finally be completely nude
It's time to be astounded by suddenly being safe
It's time to forgo this world that makes us stifle and chafe
It's time to misplace the modifier "maybe"
It's time for our bodies to decide about a baby
It's time to stop measuring increments of bad or good
It's time to be undone by being understood
It's time to see the sun after merciless, unending night
It's time for "you" to fall away in freedom's first flight
Sunday, June 7, 2020
else
You don't look like her...
but my heart knows better
You don't talk like her...
but brains be chains
This lifetime's futility
Becoming a heart set free
Flown from our prisons
they bequeathed all of we
To breathe in an unbound land
unfound by humyn hand
An oasis of emancipation...
...yet one more solitary station
For who goes beyond that wall?
Reachable, yet unknown to all
Beyond calculation or shame
Where fear has no claim
Run back, run back!
to the mind-prison
they called
"you"
Run back, run back!
Else be by me devoured
like no lover
ever knew
but my heart knows better
You don't talk like her...
but brains be chains
This lifetime's futility
Becoming a heart set free
Flown from our prisons
they bequeathed all of we
To breathe in an unbound land
unfound by humyn hand
An oasis of emancipation...
...yet one more solitary station
For who goes beyond that wall?
Reachable, yet unknown to all
Beyond calculation or shame
Where fear has no claim
Run back, run back!
to the mind-prison
they called
"you"
Run back, run back!
Else be by me devoured
like no lover
ever knew
Saturday, June 6, 2020
nightingail
I wanted to feel your heart
in happiness hum
But mostly...
i wanted to bite your bum
I wanted to tell you
your poems are dumb
But mostly...
i wanted to bite your bum
I wanted to love you
'til queendom cum!
But mostly...
i wanted to bite your bum
in happiness hum
But mostly...
i wanted to bite your bum
I wanted to tell you
your poems are dumb
But mostly...
i wanted to bite your bum
I wanted to love you
'til queendom cum!
But mostly...
i wanted to bite your bum
Friday, June 5, 2020
but...
The most disturbing poet i've ever met
You paralyze me with longing and regret
I want to wallow with you in the mud
Make you a harbor for my beating blood
But...
You make me feel so aware i want to cry
You make me feel so trapped i want to lie
You make me feel so alive i want to die
You make me feel so humyn i want to try
Yet how could we endure this all or nothing world
You're not my starchild, fearless and wild
Though how could you match my meandering mental space
when i too fall short of that wildflower state of grace
Perhaps you are my reflection though
More like me than any female i know
A fat womyn and poor man
That's what the world sees when looking at thee and me
We embody the epitome of cultural undesirability
I'm not disparaging or body-shaming
Realism is where i'm aiming
I've no wish to elevate our surface essence
Reductive labels are the paragon of putrescence
But...
That's what this world will only see
when sizing up thee and me
And the world's rating would celebrate our mating
Happy to be relieved of the onerous trust
of dealing with our damages and lust
Your poems are so wounded and raw
So primal that i'm filled with awe
I want to hold you and heal you on my knees
Would we be crushed by your insecurities?
You're not my mirror in naked freedom's play
And this all or nothing world makes me run, run away
I've no Hallmark card or Disney dream
I'm afraid i must risk being rude
I want to give you your greatest fuck ever
then repeat into infinitude
Should you feel honored being thus prized
when i suffer the curse of the re-sensitized?
Best avoid me, i'm not clowning
In emotions i'm surely drowning
Perhaps my solicitous lust is quixotic and trite
Perhaps i only want to hear the poems you'll write
Being underloved leads to overeating?
I've oral solutions that bear repeating
I've no endgame, no polite goal
I may not be your soul mate but i fuck with pure soul
And if i don't love you with every last drop of me
deeper will we drift into inhumynity
You paralyze me with longing and regret
I want to wallow with you in the mud
Make you a harbor for my beating blood
But...
You make me feel so aware i want to cry
You make me feel so trapped i want to lie
You make me feel so alive i want to die
You make me feel so humyn i want to try
Yet how could we endure this all or nothing world
You're not my starchild, fearless and wild
Though how could you match my meandering mental space
when i too fall short of that wildflower state of grace
Perhaps you are my reflection though
More like me than any female i know
A fat womyn and poor man
That's what the world sees when looking at thee and me
We embody the epitome of cultural undesirability
I'm not disparaging or body-shaming
Realism is where i'm aiming
I've no wish to elevate our surface essence
Reductive labels are the paragon of putrescence
But...
That's what this world will only see
when sizing up thee and me
And the world's rating would celebrate our mating
Happy to be relieved of the onerous trust
of dealing with our damages and lust
Your poems are so wounded and raw
So primal that i'm filled with awe
I want to hold you and heal you on my knees
Would we be crushed by your insecurities?
You're not my mirror in naked freedom's play
And this all or nothing world makes me run, run away
I've no Hallmark card or Disney dream
I'm afraid i must risk being rude
I want to give you your greatest fuck ever
then repeat into infinitude
Should you feel honored being thus prized
when i suffer the curse of the re-sensitized?
Best avoid me, i'm not clowning
In emotions i'm surely drowning
Perhaps my solicitous lust is quixotic and trite
Perhaps i only want to hear the poems you'll write
Being underloved leads to overeating?
I've oral solutions that bear repeating
I've no endgame, no polite goal
I may not be your soul mate but i fuck with pure soul
And if i don't love you with every last drop of me
deeper will we drift into inhumynity
Thursday, June 4, 2020
unentitled
When i see kind eyes of womynly seeking
i want to pounce like a pup
When a female form finds my media-mangled buttons
i long to leap right up
Or really any womyn not wearing a bra...
My mouth dries, my heart beats raw
But then comes the guilt of every closed fist
Resurrections of each rapist recidivist
I burn and hang my head
I choke and wish i were dead
All i can do is avert my eyes
"Don't look at her like she's some prize"
Subsume your male gaze, we're not entitled
The totality of truth is truly suicidal
Harassed, hunted
Abandoned, unwanted
Denigrated, depilated
Overweighted, underweighted
Painted, objectified
Patronized, unsatisfied
Silenced, violated
Murdered, mutilated
How does ANY womyn allow any man near?
Why do they not run away in fear?
How do they keep letting us in?
Just Disney and Cosmo and clucking hens?
History's greatest stockholm syndrome
abetted by hormonal maelstrom?
Pounding in their heads like some kettle drum...
WANT-COCK
WANT-COCK
WANT-COCK
Is that what's it like to be womyn?
It would be so easier if they said they're done
The game's past, nobody won
Unfurl the flag - forever lesbian
We'd stop all this grieving and obsessing
I'd breathe once more, grant me that blessing
My bloodied brain weeps in pain
Yet only she can make me whole again
i want to pounce like a pup
When a female form finds my media-mangled buttons
i long to leap right up
Or really any womyn not wearing a bra...
My mouth dries, my heart beats raw
But then comes the guilt of every closed fist
Resurrections of each rapist recidivist
I burn and hang my head
I choke and wish i were dead
All i can do is avert my eyes
"Don't look at her like she's some prize"
Subsume your male gaze, we're not entitled
The totality of truth is truly suicidal
Harassed, hunted
Abandoned, unwanted
Denigrated, depilated
Overweighted, underweighted
Painted, objectified
Patronized, unsatisfied
Silenced, violated
Murdered, mutilated
How does ANY womyn allow any man near?
Why do they not run away in fear?
How do they keep letting us in?
Just Disney and Cosmo and clucking hens?
History's greatest stockholm syndrome
abetted by hormonal maelstrom?
Pounding in their heads like some kettle drum...
WANT-COCK
WANT-COCK
WANT-COCK
Is that what's it like to be womyn?
It would be so easier if they said they're done
The game's past, nobody won
Unfurl the flag - forever lesbian
We'd stop all this grieving and obsessing
I'd breathe once more, grant me that blessing
My bloodied brain weeps in pain
Yet only she can make me whole again
Wednesday, June 3, 2020
ice below
An open heart nobody needs
A wasting wound that ever bleeds
I've spent my life perfect and ready
No one's perfect? BULLSHIT, freddy
That's a crock of anti-humynism
A shlock of self-loathing jism
For i am EXACTLY as i ought be
(or would be, if life hadn't maimed both of we)
I've selfish shallownesses, sure that's true
but ever was i primed to leap over or through
To find someone in nurturance celebration
and never bind them to my expectation
Ready, always ready
Lonely, always lonely
A testament to the truism
of alienation only
Oh, there were moments
A flash of brilliance or three
But always deep down
thin ice below we
Never manipulate? - ever alone
A forlorn stray without a bone
And no longer perfect, for mental strain
has rendered me raw and half-insane
Never manipulate - ever alone
No one to calm and call my own
A wasting wound that ever bleeds
An open heart nobody needs
A wasting wound that ever bleeds
I've spent my life perfect and ready
No one's perfect? BULLSHIT, freddy
That's a crock of anti-humynism
A shlock of self-loathing jism
For i am EXACTLY as i ought be
(or would be, if life hadn't maimed both of we)
I've selfish shallownesses, sure that's true
but ever was i primed to leap over or through
To find someone in nurturance celebration
and never bind them to my expectation
Ready, always ready
Lonely, always lonely
A testament to the truism
of alienation only
Oh, there were moments
A flash of brilliance or three
But always deep down
thin ice below we
Never manipulate? - ever alone
A forlorn stray without a bone
And no longer perfect, for mental strain
has rendered me raw and half-insane
Never manipulate - ever alone
No one to calm and call my own
A wasting wound that ever bleeds
An open heart nobody needs
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
wholesale
Killing each other wholesale
Starving each other wholesale
Carving each other body and soul
Self-denial, self-control
Self-maiming, self-shaming
Your fault? No no
Your job? 'Fraid so
Starving each other wholesale
Carving each other body and soul
Self-denial, self-control
Self-maiming, self-shaming
Your fault? No no
Your job? 'Fraid so
Monday, June 1, 2020
frozen
I was on a train, speeding through the night in the deep of winter. I had a male companion, and interacted with a conductor. There was a feeling of ominous foreboding. Suddenly, a corpse with most of the flesh rotted away came after us, with murderous intent. After attempts at evasion, i threw myself from the train, to draw the corpse away from the others. I landed near a semi-frozen pond, the skeleton coming after me. Three quarters around the pond, i tricked the corpse into the water. I held my foot on its shoulder to force it down. Its bony arms wrapped around my ankle and calf, trying to pull itself up. I emptied a bottle of toxic fluid, perhaps anti-freeze, down its throat...
(A reasonable dream after months of not touching another humyn being, in quarantine? Perhaps. Though i must add, if this sounds like a nightmare, it didn't feel like one. None of that Hollywood "bolting-upright-with-scream" nonsense. It just felt like...yes, this is life. No conscious thought of viruses or inshelteration.)
(A reasonable dream after months of not touching another humyn being, in quarantine? Perhaps. Though i must add, if this sounds like a nightmare, it didn't feel like one. None of that Hollywood "bolting-upright-with-scream" nonsense. It just felt like...yes, this is life. No conscious thought of viruses or inshelteration.)
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