dear ann

Dear Ann,
I cut down the yard growth over the weekend, and imagined you there. I find a movie you would love, and imagine you there. When i touch myself, i imagine you there, taking what you desired like you did on our last night.
And now we're not even talking...maybe because you couldn't see that my words were about me, not you. I did try to push us toward spiritual, companionate love, trying to prevent this very thing from happening.
Or maybe your anger is a show, to rationalize your need to get away from your emotions.
If so, you have nothing but my understanding and sympathy.
I even imagine showing up at your house, lysine in hand, and professing love and need for you. Being a lonely wreck can be such fun. Most of your insecurities with me centered on possessiveness, so you perhaps imagine i've been womanizing. Not that this means anything, or that i won't find myself in a three-way with the Obamas tonight, but i haven't kissed anyone since you. I remember trying to tell you that based on my history, you'd likely take a new lover before i. I haven't browsed the CL personals, or had any interest in doing so. Of course, the truth is seldom so simple...i've wanted to visit Christina, but have been too busy to do so. Had i, there might have been loving intimacy. Or not...she has possibly spiritually withdrawn from me.
Of course, i haven't browsed CL at all, not for jobs or anything, since the shitstorm of recent months, so it's not thoughts of you alone that keep me from that hunting ground. There's just a whole lot of emptiness here. So it goes.
I took your favorite spider outside, but most of the physical reminders of you are just as they were. I cherish them, and look forward to us having fun again.
Of course, i have toyed with the idea of keeping another woman's panties in the Satan box you gave me, just because a pair has unexpectedly come in to my possession, and it's the perfect place. You might find that hurtful, though.
Are there any things i never told you? In general, no. Oh, there are random specifics. Like for a while when we first met, i wished you were more Ansuree and less Ann. Ah well, as Paul Simon said, "Why won't you love me for who i am, where i am...cause' that's not the way the world is baby, this is how i love you baby..." Still, in all the mess that i was, i knew i had something good and true to offer you, if we could get past our mutual psychological crap.
And for a very nice while, we did.
Three days ago, i got a letter from the credit union saying that they've deleted the fraudulent cards from my record. You were the first person i wanted to call.
I love and miss you.