Monday, July 29, 2013

shay, margie, annie, chrissy

WOMEN 76-79
We met through a personal ad. She was a settled New Yorker, and native of South Africa. She worked as a freelance seamstress, and had some very nice hippie qualities - global awareness and global tastes in fashion and music, travels to Burning Man, that sort of thing. She attracted me, but not in a consuming way. Some brief sexual exploration brought us to a place where we decided we’d be better as non-sexual friends – which we remained for years to come. Sometimes i regretted that path, as the healthiness inherent in the idea of “friends who fuck as needed” was growing in me.
One of the first romantic moments in my life when i tried to really rise above the stunted shallowness and negotiated romance of this society…to live by the thought that we can and should be able to love anyone. Margie and i lived a mile or so apart in Astoria. I can’t remember how we met, but we became nice friends. Hanging out, talking, indulging our shared passion for Muppets (we made a project of trying to see every single Muppet film, which she ended up having less stomach for than i…of course, i was dedicated to the project as a writer, wanting to understand why the franchise had been mostly unable to survive Jim’s death). I never had any zowie feeling for her, but when she broached romance, i wanted to give it a try. I knew that desire always fades anyway, so why not? I liked her. But the one night we spent together just didn’t have any magic. I felt off-balance and unsure. So much so that we never tried again. We kept the friendship going for a good while, but eventually faded away. Even though we never talked about it, the fact that our romantic moment hadn’t worked, was probably a factor.
We met online in the “platonic only” section. A hippiesque free-spirit, she was in a long-term, same-sex romance that was beginning to break up. She had never been with a man, and we wrote long letters talking about her past. She’d been raped by a step-father as a young teen, then later molested by another male relative. Over the course of our writing, we became convinced that i was to be her first male lover. She was so smart, loving, and literate. Finally, after half a year or so, we met. We talked in a coffee shop for over an hour. It was very sweet…but i think we both realized something was missing. We hugged and went our separate ways. A year or so later, she appeared in my inbox again. I visited her in Connecticut. She’d had at least a couple male lovers in the interim, which had been pretty positive experiences. At that time, i was seeing someone to whom i’d promised monogamy, so we just held each other nakedly for a few nights, gently caressing and kissing a bit. The physical attraction wasn’t overwhelming, so on one level i was actually glad for my possessive lover at home (she, however, was anything but glad when i returned and told her about my trip). The visit was a beautiful experience in every way…made all the more special by knowing how important i’d been in helping her move past the demons of her youth. I cried for the human race, that my lover wasn’t even the tiniest bit sympathetic to Chrissy. I visited her again some months later, when i was no longer in a relationship. We shared spirits, music, and walks. Although it felt very comfortable, it still wasn’t the consuming attraction i’d been hoping for. We became sexual again, and she wanted to use a condom. Knowing how much i loathed them, i was content to tell her that we didn’t need to consummate in that way (which also seemed sensible, given my ambivalence). She was disappointed. One of the funnier moments of my life occurred while giving her cunnilingus. My behind was raised up, and i suddenly felt the sensation of a tongue in my crack. It was her dog, eagerly gettin’ in there, as they say (the kind of humorous injection that most sexual encounters are in dire need of). We drifted apart, which i didn’t want. I’m sure the break in contact came from her. I didn’t expect someone as spiritually advanced to walk away from a caring friendship for sexual reasons, but that’s okay. Perhaps she’ll need me again some day.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Letters from the Earth

-fall 2003
Working on Mark Twain's LETTERS for the monologue show, i realized i wanted to do an entire one-man show of it someday. I figured it would be in some more metropolitan locale, as i wanted to do it with full nudity. But i knew i’d be on the beach a few months longer anyway, saving money for NY, so when Mark asked whether i’d be interested in doing a solo LETTERS at the Holmes House, i said yes. I prepared it pretty much alone (indeed, Donna and Lucy were the only Players to even see the full show). Chris had left town, but John offered to do tech. He was great company. The one or two nights he couldn’t make it, Donna stepped in - she was there for each performance. I adapted a fuller treatment of Letters 2 and 3, did Letter 8 as i’d already worked it, and added Letters 10 and 11. Our set was candlelit, with red gel effects and a fog machine. I got fancier devil horns, and added a choir robe, plus the Caiaphas robe from JCS. I toyed with doing different accents for each letter, but ultimately kept the southern one throughout. Carrie made beautiful show posters (no charge this time), and i added one final encore performance at the Orpheus itself, which was very special and brought great delight to Tony. Happily, Amanda caught the second half of that one too. Our run had small but appreciative crowds. Letter 8 (the sex one) was still the biggest crowd-pleaser, but my new favorite was 11, which details the scope of man’s brutality to man, highlighted by a tale of the Minnesota massacre of 1862, in which the natives raped and crucified a family, then got really nasty. Very powerful. We got a nice photo in the News Press, and a nice article by Ron Heffner at the Beach Observer.

Friday, July 26, 2013

South Family Simpheads

I've had a strange relationship with animated comedy shows in my life thus far...strange, in that it's largely been a non-relationship. That's strange, because i've always had an elevated ear for comedy, particularly the subversive kind. And my adulthood could fairly be called the golden age of subversive animated comedy, because of the big four - BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD, THE SIMPSONS, SOUTH PARK, and FAMILY GUY. Given my age and personality, i should have been well-primed to devour most of these, if not all. But no. This despite friends who have tried to convert me to one or more of the faiths. I've often said that the truest measure of intelligence is a person's capacity for, and appreciation of, humor. So let's see if we can figure out why the golden age has been passing me by.
I've found the two handfuls or so of episodes i've seen to be enjoyable, and can understand why this show has filled a need for many. But as a youth, my benchmark for great comedy was the Marx Brothers and Monty Python. In that light, SIMPSONS has never seemed anything more than "good". Good is fine, even admirable, but it's clearly not great. That said, the Halloween "The Raven" episode ranks as one of the 100 best episodes in the history of television.
1993-1997, 2011-2012
I think i was simply way too earnest at the point in my young adulthood when B & B arrived. I was becoming a "serious" actor, gorging myself on Shaw, Stoppard, and O'Neill. I wasn't much of a TV watcher, and certainly not for the most overtly infantile of the big four. Plus, did one of them wear a marijuana shirt once, or did i only imagine it? I was too serious for that, too. I haven't seen any of the new episodes, but occasional glimpses of the classic have made me think it might be the most consistently funny of the four. I saw a small chunk of DO AMERICA, and was much more entertained than i expected.
I've seen occasional brilliance in the nibbles i've had. Their treatment of scientology? Brilliant. The CHEF AID album? Brilliant. Trey Parker and Matt Stone's other projects, particularly TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE? Beyond brilliant. The BIGGER, LONGER, AND UNCUT movie has been on my to-see list for years (and i only just now got the penis reference). The most nihilistic and scatalogical of the big four, and that can't be bad...but it's also far and away the most violent. When i watched a best-of dvd, i found that i simply can't take regular doses, because of the violence.
As i first saw scattered bits and pieces, i began to think that this was what SIMPSONS had wanted to be when it grew up. The most hysterically funny isolated moments of any of the big can't go wrong watching clips. Stewie? Brilliant. Elderly pedophile neighbor? Freakin' brilliant. And their spoof of STAR WARS is probably the most brilliant thing any of the big four have done. In regular doses, the show does get just the tiniest bit boring, though.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

masturbation montage 4

The women i dream of, when dreams are all there is...
Continuing to be in touch with the sexual repression, denial, and damage in this society (and my own in particular), there has lately been a higher-than-normal percentage of unobtainable women in my fantasies...women currently out of reach, or past lovers that almost or never were...
A woman i left behind in NY (but we still maintain occasional written contact), with whom the act of hugging triggered a rush of endorphins, dopamine, and other such feel-good brain chemicals, like nothing i'd ever known. Old-fashioned and fundamentalist, you'd be hard-pressed to find a woman less compatible...though apart from core values, we get along delightfully. If she told me that god had created us for each other, i'm  pretty sure i'd be anything she asked. Which is pretty crazy. But how do you turn away from possibly the greatest physical relationship of your life (and for me that definition includes the spiritual), without shredding your own spirit into pieces? THIS is the kind of choice our society offers? Ignorant savages, are we. Knowing the level of attraction we shared means we'd have profoundly healthy babies, i dream of beautiful impregnations. Is it possible my obsession is partly fueled by a failed friendship with a desirable woman who is perhaps the greatest personality match i know? Oh yes.
A profoundly poetic spirit i once spent months getting to know as a pen pal. The night we met, we had a deliriously beautiful sexual experience, but i backed away from consummation...then the next day, she turned away when i suggested we go slower (i may have even said "start over"). Would i have held back if she hadn't been a single mother? Even though it's possible i made the right choice (in terms of the no-win choices this society provides), i dream of being in our most intense carnal moment, and holding nothing back.
A woman almost-but-not-quite impossibly young, who works at my favorite local restaurant. We see each other there once a week, and considering the social restrictions placed on conversation under such circumstances, we've gotten to know each other well. She's buddhist, and homeless after a rift with her fundamentalist christian mother. If she needed a place to live, or wanted me as a platonic friend, i'd be delighted...but she also fills my carnal fantasies, mostly because she's the only one among my three most likely potential lovers, for whom i feel intellectual and physical desire equally.
#1 - Rosario, a friend in Argentina with whom i once shared an apartment. There was never anything sexual between us, until we started writing this past year and became spirit lovers. She wants to live in the U.S. again, and i've told her my happy little home is waiting for her...complete with a wedding to allow her to stay as long as she likes. But the immigration restrictions are daunting - i would have to demonstrate sizable financial assets, something i've spent my life avoiding. She's fallen from the center of my fantasies, because she's avoided the question of whether she saw me as more of a brother, way back when.
#2 - A mother and adolescent daughter i once lived with. I had sex with neither of them, but the mother asked me to have a child with her, and the daughter was immensely attracted to me. My current fantasy? I refer you to "Lolita"...and i don't mean sort of, in an ineffectual suburban white boy way. I've fantasized marrying and murdering the mother, to be with the daughter.
#3 - Angela, who is pondering a 1200-mile booty call from NY. We had a mostly dysfunctional affair (but fine potential friendship).