dopers & anti-dopers

"A relationship is the price you pay for the anticipation of it."
-anonymous

What was the "cause of death" on Romeo and Juliet's coroner reports?
Dopamine.
It seems i've always been bucking a common trait, the idea that wanting something is more satisfying than having it...that the chase is more exciting than the consummation. This trait seems to me the saddest of immaturities, and a denial of one of my primary spiritual goals - that of being happy with exactly what you are. I've long focused my efforts to that end, to such an extent that i feel sadness for all those around me who invest huge amounts of themselves chasing things they'll likely never have.
But it turns out that i'm fighting biology. It all ties in with delayed gratification, which has apparently been a useful development in the evolution of our species. In the words of Robert Sapolsky (author of "Monkeyluv", and to whom this article owes a huge debt), what is it in our makeup that allows us to constantly sacrifice immediate pleasures, to "getgoodgradestogetintoagoodcollegetogetagoodjobinordertogetintothenursinghomeofourchoice"? Or what is it that allows us to maintain a decades-long courtship, even though a clear-thinking friend took thirty seconds to assess the situation's hopelessness?
Dopamine.
I am, however, not the poster child for instant gratification. In one or two ways, i'm the polar opposite. Again and again, i seem almost constitutionally incapable of using people as objects of my desire. And if there is someone or something i want, i'm capable of waiting years.
I just don't pine for it while waiting (mostly, anyway).
Welcome to my brain.
So why is the hint of something we desire, the smallest taste, enough to sustain incredible amounts of hope where none is merited? Why is the lottery the biggest industry in this industrialized nation? Why can i never burn away the image of an ex-housemate i saw naked, even though there is virtually no likelihood of ever having naked time with her? Why would i jump if she asked, though our friendship was never deep?
It's time for a little trip to the frontal cortex, an area of the brain that is gi-NOR-mous in primates. It's responsible for long-term planning, and controls inhibitions of the limbic system, the part of my brain that wanted to walk into her room and tongue-bathe her holiest of holies, that day she accidentally left her door cracked.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure. When dopamine bathes the frontal cortex, it feels GREAT. What triggers dopamine? Science suggests that it's not the reward, but the anticipation thereof. In primate studies, anticipation triggered an instant rush, yet the reward itself provided no, repeat NO, rush. Ta-da! Every demeaning, unpaid internship is suddenly explained.
Why do we chase those who run away? Why are crumbs from someone we crave, a thousand times more tasty than a feast from someone we don't?
Dopamine, baby.
We're idiots, of course. "Maybe" is more enticing than "yes"? And the more uncertain the result, the more dopamine produced.
It goes the other way, too. Unpredictable punishments are far more stress-inducing than predictable ones, even when the predictable ones are larger. Baboon males keep their competition off-kilter by acts of brutal, random violence.
Baboons and Donald Trump.
So am I the one living a pathetic lie, constantly denying my true essence? Or am i a fascinating glimpse into the future evolution of the human species?
Not if i don't get impregnatin', i ain't.
Line up, ladies! Wheee!!