what's my tongue in?

Have you ever loved an ugly woman?
Or done so dead-on sober?
The chorus of yes’s
Grows smaller…
Pity…

Making love to an ugly woman
Is this world’s only hidden paradise

Eyes too close together
The non-existent chin
Complexion pocked
The nose, a beak
Non-existent lips
An overbite that causes fellatiaphobia
The moustache that tickles
Bizarrely-angled breasts
That strangely thin hair…
You do not know these women as i…

Did you know that ugly women
Are 38% more sexually responsive than beautiful ones?
38%…
Before a study was ever done, i knew

I’ve yet to make love to an ugly woman
Who did not shudder and gasp
As though finding sex for the first time

I’ve yet to make love to an ugly woman
Who wasn’t happy, even insistent
To go down all day
And all night
And as she swallows she’s thinking of the next time
The next orifice she’ll offer you

And no suggestion is too crazy
Even the shy, ugly ones
Who giggle and say no
With eyes averted, embrace with a passion that confounds

But to you men who don’t know
You’ll continue the chase
Perfect ass, button nose, sweet complexion, and tits, perky tits
I wish you peace
And remember me kindly, for i tried to tell you…

And to those men in the world
Who are out there tonight loving the fat women…
The fat and flabby women…

Goddamn, i send you strength

Cause’ i tried to love a fat woman once
And Lord i could not do it
Eyecchh…

2005