Charlie's Angels, season 1

It's a testament to Farrah's cultural impact, that most people don't realize she did only one season. The girls waltz through an unending succession of hairy situations, occasionally bumbling, but hardly ever getting their hair mussed. It gets so ridiculous that one starts daydreaming about everything going wrong, and just for once they don't pull out the Hollywood escape...suddenly a psychopath is shaving Jill's head and lopping off her digits, as that edgy henchman Sabrina was leading on holds her head under water for a few minutes, while dockworkers gang rape Kelly (come to think of it, Tarantino probably watched this show as a kid). Or dockworkers gang rape Bosley, if that last line of thought was misogynistic. But there was also something progressive about it all. The uglier realities of women's place in society were acknowledged, and week in, week out, they took on the worst elements of a man's world, and came out on top.
-pilot ****
Brilliant. Really. Tight, exciting, and enlivened tenfold by the supporting cast. In this episode, Bosley has a partner, Woodville, played by David Ogden Stiers (M*A*S*H). That local farmboy with a heart of gold? Tommy Lee Jones. And if you rate high on the geek-o-meter, you'll be delighted (or mortified) by the presence of Diana Muldaur (TREK's Dr. Pulaski).
1) Hellride *
An uneven offering, brightened only by Bosley and Jill as a revivalist minister and his daughter. She's as sweet as Texas apple pie, innocent as a lamb, and beats the boys in poker too.
2) The Mexican Connection **
Enlivened by the series' first moment of pure unintentional camp, when Jill whacks a bad guy with an oar, sending him into the water, and the girls toss a lightweight net on him.
3) Night of the Strangler **
Bert! Bert!! Guest star Richard Mulligan was warming up for SOAP the following season. Sadly, he's a little vanilla here, but it's sweet vanilla nonetheless. By this episode, one starts to develop an admiration for costumers Joanne Haas and Ray Phelps. They did impressive breast work. How they showed so much without showing it all, was quite a trick, and probably required an extra take here and there. One of Jill's white blouses is fairly see-through, and the redness of her nipples.......i'm sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, and the campiness gets a ratcheting. In the climax battle, in a fully lit room, Bert is tricked into firing at a mannequin. Plausible, until he proceeds to unload his entire clip into it. Meanwhile, Jill takes out the other baddie with an inflatable toy.
4) Angels in Chains ****
Sublime. I spent much of the episode laughing aloud. The greatest line in Angel history: "I am not a yo-yo!" The Angels go undercover as inmates in a women's prison. Their client? How about Julie, from The Love Boat? The local sheriff? Jeffrey Lebowski (not that Lebowski, the other Lebowski). The leering guard? Why, that's Hector Savage! Look, two future BUCK ROGERS alums! The Angels get strip searched, de-loused, and forced into prostitution. They overcome their captors in a squad car...but instead of taking the guns or car or keys, they run into a swamp, chained together! Why? Um, because the guards are "too heavy". In the swamp, we get our first-ever glimpse of Farrah's naked breast, compliments of the pause feature on your remote. STILL not sold? Then how about inmate Kim Basinger? She goes nipple for nipple with Farrah (it turns out they both have two), and at the end of the show, is hired as Charlie's new secretary. Whew. I'm spent just thinking about it.
5) Target: Angels ****
The Angels seek refuge from an assassin, in Charlie's mansion. Okay, now stop the presses. Up until this point, the show has been pretty much exactly as i expected. Often a show you watch as a child takes on a different reality when viewed as an adult, but that hasn't been the case. Visual excitement, with all the depth of a puddle, right? But something bizarre happens in this episode. We learn that Kelly was a loner orphan who always ends up sabotaging her romances because of abandonment issues. We meet Sabrina's ex-husband (Gropler Zorn, STAR TREK: NEXT GEN), a cop who divorced her because he loved her too much to bear her dangerous lifestyle. WHAT IS ALL THIS? Depth? Stop it, i have no memory of this. STILL not sold? Then how about Kelly's spurned doctor boyfriend Tom Selleck? Alright already?
6) The Killing Kind **
Is there ANYONE who had any doubt that Robert Loggia was coming?
7) To Kill an Angel *
An Angel is finally shot! Kelly takes one in the head. No, not from one of the innumerable baddies shooting at her who are expert at handling a gun. From an autistic boy. This episode starts out regressively, with the gang talking about Kelly's possible marriage, which OF COURSE would mean the end of her career. It doesn't get better, as the action strains the bounds of credibility even more than usual.
8) Lady Killer ***
A lovely episode about a murder investigation at a men's magazine. Shame on me for feeling shortchanged, but an episode in which Jill goes undercover as the next centerfold, then never delivers even a little taste of a photoshoot...is the word "cocktease" entirely out of line? Sabrina's best episode. She becomes emotionally involved with the "Hef" character, and shames him out of dating twenty year-olds (which, if you think about it, was probably the most credibility-straining moment of the entire series).
9) Bullseye **
Ah, the misty old days when women couldn't be in the real army. The Angels go undercover as WACs (who would be assimilated into the real army only two years later, and whether that qualifies as social progress is a fascinating question). This episode clips along, brightened by the presence of Sgt. Gatraer of CHiPs (Robert Pine, in a bad guy role), then thuds into a vomitous denouement, which one can only hope made the actors squirm. It shoots right past regressive, into misogynistic.
10) Consenting Adults ***
Perky Angel goodness enlivened by G.W. Bailey (M*A*S*H), and Laurette Spang (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA)! AGAIN, she's a dirty socialator! And no, i'm not complaining that Jill goes undercover as a prostitute yet doesn't have one single scene with a john. She does, however, have a ridiculously silly skateboard chase. Yes, a skateboard chase. No, not two skateboards...a car chasing her on skateboard. Silly car, she kicks its ass!
11) The Seance *
Middling-grade schlock. The Angels investigate a clairvoyant. Hypnotized people wander around saying "I must kill Pahpschmir, i must kill Pahpschmir". On the upside, Rene Auberjonois (BENSON, DEEP SPACE NINE) makes a lovely villain.
12) Angels on Wheels *
Undercover at the roller derby, the cheese is pretty moldy, including an especially hokey car bomb scene. Dick Sargent (Bewitched) enlivens things, but not nearly enough.
13) Angel Trap **
Farrah and Fernando Lamas very nearly create poignance.
14) The Big Tap Out **
A cutesy little cat-and-mouse episode.
15) Angels on a String **
The lovely and charming Theodore Bikel (THE AFRICAN QUEEN, Worf's father) is wasted on a middling episode.
16) Dirty Business ****
This'ns what we in the bidness call a big mac. It's got everything (except some prime Bosley). It starts out slow, but Jill has her most touching romantic scenes, the climax is as smashing as it gets, there's a porno version of Little Bo Peep, plus a trippy ambience found in no other episode. The only one helmed by Bill Bixby (THE INCREDIBLE HULK, KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE). Thank you, Bill.
17) The Las Vegas Connection **
Well-conceived, well-executed, not much sizzle, and two rarities...actual dramatic monologues.
18) Terror On Ward One **
Curiously, putting Jill in a nurse's outfit results in the least sexy episode of the season, notable only for a singularly dark scene of Jill methodically emasculating a defenseless suspect.
19) Dancing in the Dark ***
Cupid is in the air, as hunky bad guy Dennis Cole meets future wife Jaclyn. Jill goes undercover as a dance instructor, and her verbal acclaim of all things disco is a delight. The ending loses coherence, but Jill's bowling alley takedown of Dennis, with a ball right down the lane, is Angel action nonpareil.
20) I Will Be Remembered **
Not for this episode, you won't.
21) Angels at Sea ****
Wheeeeee! The Angels go on a cruise...never mind that their cover is blown and they receive death threats even before they board. These and other plot points are groaning at the seams, but sometimes you've just gotta bend over and smile, cause it feels so good. We've got a naked Bosley and killer steam! We've got a murderer taking pot shots at them, but they still head off to bed in separate cabins. We've got three simultaneous bomb defusals that put the "max" in climax. And most of all, we have an over-the-top insane baddie by Mr. Frank Gorshin! Wheeeeee! Spinning off Hollywood impersonations like water off a demented duck's back, Frank elevates this one to pop culture nirvana. Let's include this in a Gorshin-a-thon, with his turns in STAR TREK, BUCK ROGERS, and BATMAN's "Ring Around the Riddler".
22) The Blue Angels ****
Starbuck! Faceman! Dirk Benedict!! The producers didn't know Farrah would be leaving, so there's no "exit" plotline. How she catapulted into the pop stratosphere couldn't be more of a non-mystery. She made Jaclyn, one of the most beautiful women in TV history, look like a wet rag. She gave America something we'd never seen. Holy-good-god-almighty-above, say it with reverence...nipples. It was mostly simple physiology. The caprices of evolution gave this young woman from Texas two nipples so pokey they resembled beautiful, oversized erasers. It's possible that she had them iced before her scenes, but it's also possible there was no need. Nearly every episode, they came bursting out of one of her costumes. Week in, week out, she somehow scored the lion's share of the action sequences too. In this one, she takes down a bad guy from eight feet away with an aluminum pie tin. Chew on that, Wonder Woman! Bend over and pucker, Zena! On top of it all, she had such a sweet, accessible, open quality (those nipples might have been obvious and trashy on anyone else). In her final scene, she's down on the floor with Bosley, demonstrating some of the massage moves she'd learned undercover. Sigh. America never had a chance.