cindy, unproud, kathy

WOMEN 20-22
Cindy
An actress in a summer production of THE ODD COUPLE. Great talent, fantastic laugh, smart, a good person. Probably more than good. One night we made out on my living room floor. It never went beyond that, and i couldn't figure out why.
The thing i am least proud of in my life
My junior year, there was a freshman girl who lived down the hall. She was a little spiritually lost, and doing the party life. We chatted occasionally, but i wasn't intellectually attracted. One night she came home drunk, wandering around, and i invited her in. I was totally sober…and suddenly we were in my bed making out. After five minutes or so, she left. If she hadn't…well, i wouldn't have let it go much beyond kissing, but that's only partial consolation.
Kathy
A beautiful, loving, peace child i met my junior year, with soft features, a sweet voice, soft, straight blonde hair, and a smile always playing in her blue eyes. Sort of a tomboy, too. We met on the university grounds, maybe while she was with friends, making music. We talked and walked. I visited her apartment a couple afternoons later, a sunshiny place, and that day she gave me a present i will always cherish. I was lying on her bed, and she put on a piece of music and told me to listen…how many songs can you name, of which you remember exactly where you were the first time you heard it? I listened to "Alice's Restaurant", and was just slack-jawed blown away. She loved Joni too, and by purest coincidence, i sit here today listening to Joni, in the flowering of a seed planted lo those years ago. Spending time with Kathy was amazing because i had long identified with flower children, and now i had one to laugh with. She kept things easygoing, and platonically childlike for a week or two. Once, oral sex came up in conversation and i told her i'd never experienced it. Some nights later, we were at my place, laughing and chatting. She told me to lie back and close my eyes. I did so. Kneeling by the bed, she slowly kissed all over my stomach. It felt like the wires in my brain were being undone. My pants were opened. She lifted my penis straight up and gently blew on it. It was startling! And then slowly an amazing wetness enveloped my head. She held me like that for a minute or so, my mind just…i was incapable of any volitional thought, the last wires connecting my brain to reality were gone, maybe forever. There couldn't be more, could there? Then she took me in further, and…[SENTENCE UNTRANSLATABLE]. Her head went up and down and... [UNTRANSLATABLE] …and when i finally exploded she held me in her mouth…after a couple minutes of smiling at my catatonic state, i think she kissed me, said a loving goodnight, and left. We became lovers. The next time we were together, i eagerly jumped into returning the oral favor. I can't have had much technique, but i loved it. I asked about protection, and she said that she'd had problems, cysts maybe, and that conception was nearly impossible for her, so we didn't use anything. She had certainly had lovers before me, but i was too swept up to protest. We'd only been together a month or so when she got news of an illness in the family, which affected her financial situation. She had to go home. We promised we'd stay in touch, a promise we were lax in keeping…i don't know, maybe we both sensed that the potential for me to fall in love was greater than hers. Maybe. We never really talked about it. A few years later, i heard from a friend that she'd had terrible problems, mental breakdowns and chemical imbalances that had rendered her almost unable to speak. I got in touch with her, and she was functioning well enough to go out for a lemonade, but her speech was halting, like she was in a mist. Her hair had been cut very short. We drank, talked, and i took her home. If we'd had more time together when we met, who knows whether i'd have tried harder to be part of her life again. But we didn't, and i drove off into my life...