wound 3

(a follow-up to http://nakedmeadow.blogspot.com/2009/06/wound-2.html)

I told you that the reasons for my wound were many and varied. The task of unspooling such a deep part of me, is a herculean endeavor in self-awareness. That i may have succeeded even a little, is no small thing. Yet overlooking a piece of the puzzle is all to easy. To wit: another reason may be a pragmatic investigation of the notion that, for most of my adult life, i've been too psychologically healthy for my own good. My long lonelinesses, particularly romantic, may be attributable to me being a human who was essentially happy, centered, and comfortable in his skin. Not needful of completion, or any kind of ennabling. Do you grasp how unusual that state of affairs is? Without a higher level of personal dysfunction, perhaps i was too intimidating, no matter how personable and gentle? So perhaps if i let myself be off-balance and wounded, women might recognize in me what they see in their own mirrors?
I don't know. That may be an entirely (or mostly) fanciful conceit.
Nor can the events of the last few years offer any conclusive light on the "experiment". Have women been more attracted? I'm not even going to hazard a guess, the reality of it is far too layered and slippery.
Self-awareness is like lighting a candle in the front row of a Gallagher concert.