Lenny & Vaughn

I'm going to tell you about the funniest moment in the history of standup comedy.
Of course, for my opinion to be authoritative, i'd have to have watched every moment of standup ever. Not only have i not done that, i wasn't even there for this alleged "funniest moment". And not only wasn't i there, but i've never watched video of it, nor listened to audio.
Yet i'll still tell you it's the funniest moment of standup ever...by far.
The moment came at a Lenny Bruce concert, one week after JFK's assassination. The country was in shock, like it had never been before and would never be again. The thought of anything being funny was almost inconceivable.
But the concert had been scheduled, and the concert went on.
The curious thing is that Bruce wasn't bust-a-gut funny. People didn't come to his shows to laugh themselves silly. He did social commentary and satire, thinking person's humor. But none of his siblings in standup ever came close to the moment he created at the Village Theater in Soho, in 1963.
He came on, to polite applause. He removed the mic from the stand. The crowd probably expected some kind of disjointed, slow-starting diatribe, if they expected anything. The greatest professional challenge ever faced in this country belonged to the scientist who was asked to split the atom. The second-greatest professional challenge belonged to anyone who was asked to do comedy the week Kennedy died.
Bruce stood silently, as the applause faded. He didn't move. In stage time, one second of silence is noticeable. Several seconds is profound. Bruce stayed quiet for several seconds, then several more.
I'll suspend you in that moment, to tell you about Vaughn Meader. There were few stars burning as brightly in 1963 as comedian Vaughn Meader. His rise had been meteoric. One year earlier, this unknown landed the starring role as a JFK impersonater in the comedy album "The First Family". It set the Guiness record for the fastest-selling album of all time, at over a million a week for the first six weeks. Vaughn's life became a celebrity whirlwind, with non-stop TV appearances. He went from $7.50 a night in coffeehouses to $22,500 a week headlining in Vegas. A second "First Family" album was released. Sinatra asked him to join the Rat Pack. He refused. Vaughn's every performance centered on his JFK impersonation.
Stop me if you can see where this is heading.
Lenny stood on that stage, as an eternity passed. The images of Kennedy's funeral were still fresh in everybody's mind. He finally exhaled, and quietly said, "Psshew...poor Vaughn Meader". Nobody clocked how long it took for the first person to laugh, how long they all laughed once they started, or how many faces were tear-streaked by the time Bruce spoke his fourth word a minute or two later.
There are few things in this world more cathartically pure than laughter. It's why we need comedians and actors...when we laugh at them, we laugh at ourselves. Every mother-in-law jibe, every premature ejaculation jest, none of them would ever work unless they made us see ourselves. Comedians give us permission to laugh, even at things horrible.
In a world that had been turned upside down, Lenny stepped up and said that it's okay to laugh.
What a great story.
One that would be doubly great if it actually happened.
Oh, to be sure, something like it happened. But what exactly that was...well, it's not lost to history yet, because there are people alive who were there. But i don't know any of them, and opinions on what exactly happened couldn't be more diverse. I intended this article as a celebration of a great moment, but it became also a meditation on faulty memory, and the internet. In researching this article online, i was staggered to discover how many versions of the story exist. The date of the performance is variously given as the night of the assassination, three days later, one week later, and ten days later. The stories don't even agree on the most essential element, WHAT THE HELL HE SAID. Here are all the versions i found:
"Poor Vaughn Meader"
"Psshew...Vaughn Meader"
"Vaughn Meader is screwed"
"Two graves have been dug in Arlington National cemetary...one for John Kennedy and one for Vaughn Meader"
"Don't Shoot!"
Hunh?
To my ear, only one of these has the perfect poetry to be the greatest moment of standup ever.
Whether Vaughn's rise was the quickest in American history, is open to debate. What is less debateable, is that no white-hot celebrity ever disappeared as quickly and completely.
And Lenny? He died three short years later, and was one of the greatest Americans to ever live. A Mt. Rushmore of freedom might feature Lincoln, Stanton, King, and Bruce (and maybe, er um, Larry Flynt). In shaping this country, in determining what freedom of speech means, in forcing us to live up to our ideals, Lenny devoted and sacrificed his very life.
Don't take my word for it.