"Land of the Lost"

1974-1977
One of the seminal Saturday morning shows of my youth. Some of the creators were from the STAR TREK family. A father and two kids (Spencer Milligan, Wesley Eure, and Kathy Coleman) go river rafting and plunge through a hole in the earth, arriving at a dinosaur-laden land with no other humans, save some "missing link" creatures. They struggle to survive and find a way home. In the third season, Dad was replaced by Uncle Jack. The animatronics are sometimes laughable compared to KING KONG four decades earlier...but that's unfair, given that a TV show goes from idea to fruition in seven days. Is it just rose-colored bias to say that children's TV in the 70s made all that came after a bit lame in comparison?
GREATEST EPISODES (season)
-The Sleestak God (1)
The first appearance of the sleestak, some of the ookiest villains ever dreamt up (by David Gerrold, the same mind that gave us tribbles). Will and Holly are captured and held suspended over a misty pit. Discovering the sleestak fright of fire, Marshall and Cha-ka rescue them. One a' them sleestak is seventeen year-old future NBA all-star Bill Laimbeer.
-Downstream (1)
Penned by Larry Niven (!), our heroes try to find a way back home by rafting away on the river. But the river is circular, and they may be in a land out of time, as they discover a tetched confederate soldier who uses his cannon to keep the sleestak at bay. The lonely fella mines gems, and wants to make Marshall and the kids stay with him.
-The Hole (1)
Marshall is thrown into a pit, to be eaten by the sleestak god. He and Slatch, a verbal sleestak outcast who didn't de-evolve, escape together.
-The Paku Who Came to Dinner (1)
Actually, the previous title is more fitting for this one. Under the veneer of kiddie fun, this episode is a beautiful exploration of primal sexuality. After a month or so away from home, eleven year-old Holly stakes out her sexual turf, putting on makeup and perfume for the younger Cha-Ka. Mayhem follows as Cha-ka's brothers and even Grumpy the T-rex, react to the perfume. Ta and Sa kidnap Holly, to sniff themselves into orgasmic ecstasy. The real reason the show was canceled? The writers couldn't much longer avoid the episode where Uncle Jack walks in on Holly and Cha-Ka doing it pakuni-style. Think about the dynamics...a total population of five males and one female. Realistically, how long do you think it would have been before brother or dad slid over to Holly in the middle of the night? Don't be obtuse, you know it's true.
-Elsewhen (1)
Trying to open a time portal in the lost city, Will and Marshall are captured by sleestak. A woman (Erica Hagen) appears, who guides and encourages Holly. Holly finally realizes that the woman is herself, all grown up. She's also a babe. I mean, i'm not much for the Barbie type, but lordy.
-Survival Kit (3)
A cro-magnon man has convinced the sleestak he's a god. Uncle Jack and Will need the medicine the sleestak stole for tribute to Malak, to save Holly, so they must outwit the giant brute, played to the hilt by Richard Kiel (Jaws, of James Bond!).
-Flying Dutchman (3)
The family discovers a tall ship. Malak the cro-magnon is back, causing trouble. The ship turns out to be the cursed Flying Dutchman, and the solitary captain schemes to abduct thirteen year-old Holly. He drugs her, and puts her in his bed. Again audaciously for a kiddie show, his demeanor and caress leave no doubt that there's a whole lot of salty sex comin' Holly's way.
NOTEWORTHY
-Tar Pit (2)
In season 1, the pakuni had a limited vocabulary. Suddenly they're waxing pakuni-shakespearean...quite bizarre. Also notable is the replacement of Joe A. Giamalva with Scutter Mckay, as the tallest paku Ta. Don't do that to your loyal child audiences, producers. Thankfully, Sharon Baird is still playing against gender as Sa. Sharon's mouth acting is for the ages.
-One of Our Pylons is Missing (2)
Cha-ka falls down a hole to an anti-gravity power core, and Holly follows. The visuals are unintentionally hysterical...computer graphics in its infancy. You'll laugh and laugh.
-The Musician (2)
Cha-ka without makeup! Cha-ka without makeup!! Our crew unwittingly awaken "the builder", a glowing creature of phenomenal power. Cha-ka is told it's "his time", and suddenly gains prodigal musical talent. In a vision, he sees a human boy...and it's him! An uncredited Philip Paley, without makeup. He's so cute it almost hurts.
-Blackout (2)
The season finale, and Marshall's last episode (not that anyone knew, of course). A nice tale about a sleestak plot to achieve eternal nightfall in the Land of the Lost, which would result in sleestak overpopulation. Our heroes and Enik work together. It's fun to watch the other sleestak treat him as a dwarf, and the voice of the sleestak skull is too classic.
-After Shock (3)
Marshall falls through a pylon time portal, which is destroyed by a quake. Uncle Jack arrives in his raft, searching for our heroes. The cave is destroyed, and Ta and Sa have disappeared, so they all set up home in the temple by the lost city, over the ardent protests of the sleestak. Jack is played by Ron "heroic-human-dropped-into-bizarre-alien-world" Harper, fresh off his run as Virdon in the PLANET OF THE APES series. Cha-ka is no longer speaking 80% pakuni, he's shifted to 100% English. He sounds like Tonto. I suppose he might have learned that much by now...but really, it just feels like the producers couldn't be bothered to care anymore. All those paku words took time to dream up and memorize, but now...it just feels kind of sad. The sleestak are talking, too? Sigh.
-Scarab (3)
Evil Cha-ka! Evil Cha-ka! Our little paku is bitten by a magic bug, and goes on an evil spree. Evil Cha-ka!! Cue the ELO.