scene of the crime

Months ago, after A and i broke up, i posted a trifle called "wrob quiz":
http://nakedmeadow.blogspot.com/2009/05/rob-quiz.html
In it, i asked the reader to guess which among four of A's qualities had bothered me. The piece was about me. It was about being amused with one's own personality quirks. She soon told me the piece hurt her. After hearing her explain why, i agreed that i shouldn't have been surprised at her hurt. I told her i hoped that one day she'd appreciate that it wasn't about her though, and that only during a time of heightened emotions could she have reacted so. I let it rest, saying we'd come back to it later.
The daunting thing is finding the right time for such a conversation. Too early, and objectivity is impossible. Too late, and it feels pathetic and irrelevant. I've touched on the subject in a couple e-mails to her this week. She's responded with silence, so i'll finish the conversation with you, instead.
Lucky you.
At least you get to judge me. People like that sort of thing.
The four qualities?
She smoked. It had been a minor irritant, but i'd gotten over it. I could live with a little ashtray breath. Is there any inherent value judgement in saying someone smokes, when in fact they do?
She was out of shape. Not a lot. With smoking, you could make a case for addiction making her understandably sensitive, but it's hard to pass off being out of shape as anything other than a life choice. I was a tiny bit disappointed, in that it meant she probably couldn't keep up in all the activities i love...but i got over it, as it's not even healthy to try to integrate your lover into every aspect of your life. I also would have been more lustfully gratified had she been in shape, but i accepted that part of her with a smile. Is it hurtful to say that someone is out of shape, when in fact they are? Isn't that like saying it's hurtful to say that someone doesn't wear denim, when in fact they don't?
She believed that things happen for a reason. I didn't necessarily agree. Maybe she was an idiot, maybe she was right. I found it kind of cute, actually.
She dyed her stray grey hairs, a choice she first made during our time together. It was a choice i was never able to come to grips with. It just pushed too many of my buttons...the fact that we live in an ageist society, and the horrific lengths people go to "fight" aging, instead of accepting and venerating it as a healthy society does. We're all so damaged, almost incapable of real self-love (now there's a song Lennon should have written). I had thought her greys cute...
Anyway, i wrote the piece because i wanted to know whether anyone could guess which of those four things had actually bothered me. I was inviting the reader to laugh with me, or at me. If some reader happened to think about grey hair in a new way, that would have been a bonus. We do what we can.
A couple of her friends called me a jerk. Which maybe i was, but i'd like to hope that all i was guilty of was indelicate timing.
You make the call.