Dear N

N,
It took me immersing myself in memories of you, and the words of your spirit you shared, to have a moment of clarity about what this moment of living means.
You made it so hard for me to see what an exceptional, beautiful human you are. You filled the air with fears, and i couldn't help but be swept up in them.
No more.
I refuse to be afraid of you.
I accept that i can offer you a kind of loving perhaps not one person in a million can...and that you need loving so bad you're dying.
I refuse to be afraid of you loving me too little, or loving me too much.
I refuse to be afraid of being hurt.
You once chided me, saying how dare i try to climb your bullet-proof walls.
I dare.
Keep me out, i dare you.
The next time i am inside you, you will know what a centered human feels like.
No longer will i hold any part of me back. If you try to slip a lipstick kiss onto my lips, i will say "yuck". I may even bust your chops about that hair, and whether you're afraid of your own beauty.
The next time my tongue glides into your cunt, you will reach out and touch fearlessness. Our last night together, my penis was happier with you than on our first. Is that something to walk away from?
I'm not your dream man, and you're not my dream woman. And that's not the point. A lot of those dreams are idiotic, and this is about something much more important than romance.
Someday you will laugh, and ask me why i wouldn't let you throw me away.
I wonder what i will say...
You can, of course, run away.
I'm not afraid of that either.
love,
wrob