dear almeria

Dear Ameliara
Armelia
Almeria,
Forgive my fuzzy brain. The excuse i might offer is that on days i spend in that costume, the exhaustion and heat make for a fuzzy feeling...but it's probably just as accurate to say that being with you makes me a bit inebriated.
Do you want to know how much you affect me? Physically affect me? After we parted and i returned to my lentil soup, i almost couldn't eat. My mouth felt...i don't know the word, but "dry" is the closest. Holding you was such a profound experience, i almost literally couldn't eat.
There's a physiological reason, of course...holding you produced a spike in some chemical in my body, a chemical which dampened my hunger so i wouldn't be distracted from what i was doing with you. Clearly my body has an agenda.
I'm sure you still don't appreciate how much our hug last year touched me. At certain times in my life, i've been a touchstone for human contact and love. As the monkey, i've had uncountable thousands of hugs...and a significant number of them (with children and occasionally women) have gone beyond simple delight to a very heightened realm. Your hug was beyond any of those...it's the only time i've ever actually been jealous of the monkey. I achingly wanted it to be me whose hug was making you feel what you were feeling. It was so beautiful that even now i'm speechless. I wanted holding you to be my job in life. Not only was it the best monkey hug i ever had, it was nearly my best hug ever period. There's only been one in my life that was more special, and that one had the benefit of lasting twenty minutes (without twenty pounds of monkey costume). It humbles me to even think of being able to hold you as just me...in stillness, without the swirl of humanity only inches away.
And then today, for a few minutes in the center of a whirlwind, we held each other for real...my chest feels funny thinking about it. I felt myself getting weak from the beauty of it. Much longer, and i wouldn't have found the strength to let go. I want to hold you as time and space fade away. I want to discover a million ways to hold you. Then i want to find a million more.
Now that we've figured out that you're literally a drug to me, i hope we have fun with it. Laugh at being human, and all that. Of course humans are constantly driven by chemical reactions, in ways that we don't realize...steering us to like certain things and feel certain ways. But i honestly can't remember ever being so concretely, obviously aware that someone was a drug to me. Have you?
I can laugh at it though, and also be aware that something else is going on. A chemical reaction could explain what happened yesterday, but not last year. Last year, the connection i felt the moment you were in my arms was electric and instantaneous. Especially under that suit, there's no way it was chemical. It must have been what you were talking about...the energy connections between people. Our auras must have been in some sort of amazing synchronization.
Whatever else, know that i will be "twitching" (that is the street term, yes?) until i feel you again.
wrob