My lover is unhappy that i called her "untoned". I'm not sure whether she's unhappy with me or unhappy with herself, or unhappy with..?
She's a beautiful woman. I want to cradle her spirit and hump her leg.
That said, i'm pretty sure she doesn't have to deal with the burden of coming up with witty or thoughtful responses to the question, "So...you work out?"
Yet isn't it arguable that my attitude puts her in an ideal situation? Wouldn't any sensible person be thrilled with being desired when they're in less than tip-top shape? Can't they then assume that they're being desired for who they are, not some shallow conquest? If they should subsequently fall into even less great shape, or have their looks altered by industrial accident, wouldn't they have some peace of mind about not being abandoned? Isn't the more common female complaint being loved only for their bodies?? There's no way to win with these blithering ovary-machines!
I'm kidding. If women are contradictory, it's because men have systematically assassinated their self-worth for ten thousand years.
The saying about men learning to love the woman they're attracted to and women learning to be attracted to the man they love...that's just a sexist, noxious relic of a time when women were property and men were encouraged to fuck as many as they could. In the world of truth, men need emotional connection as much as women, and women want eye candy just as much as men.
Is it possible that this is a case of her wanting it both ways? Is it possible she wants me to desire her for the person she is beneath the skin, yet also have a flaming hard-on from just a glimpse of that skin? There's a slippery slope in that, as the only constant in life is change, so any relationship based on visual desire is going to be severely stressed when we no longer look like we did last decade (to say nothing of the aforementioned industrial accidents).
It's hard to imagine this scenario in reverse, of course. Try to picture some man in less than great shape being in ANY way unhappy if an athletic woman offers to get naked for him.
So again, i gotta say...isn't she in the catbird seat here, yet finding a way to be unhappy about it?? Furthering her sweet deal, i myself am in great shape. The kind that gets comments from strangers and gets her engines revving a bit (if you know what i mean, and i think you do). If my love chose to be in better shape, i wouldn't offer a peep of complaint, but...my desire for her isn't about that. Is this just a symptom of body dysmorphic disorder? Sarah Michelle Gellar recently opined that no woman alive isn't thus damaged. Or...is this all part of the unnatural desire to be all things to one person? Or just ego-driven nonsense? Has this competition-based society created a world of people who all secretly yearn to be the most beautiful, intelligent creature that ever breathed?
Let's get this comment box buzzing. At the risk of birfurcation, i'll pose the question of the day. Do you want to be loved for your looks, or for...you?
2 comments:
My lover loves me for my looks and more importantly for me. I want to be loved for my looks because I can take for granted being loved for "me".
I really think that part of it is that women are just crazy, but some moreso than others. My current lover, for instance, is remarkably uncrazy. I often find myself thinking that I may even be crazier than her, but that's probably not true.
I firmly believe that if I've stayed with someone for 10 years, I won't mind their aging. I will mind an industrial accident, though.
There was one thoughtline i omitted from this piece, because it would have pulled the reader's attention too far off course. My lover is neither overweight nor obese (nor even morbidly obese). If she were, however, there's a good chance this story wouldn't even exist.
That said, i wouldn't lose desire were my lover in that industrial accident. I suspect i'd find it sexy.
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