genius litmus

SIGNS YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT DEALING WITH A GENIUS
(It's high time we all had a handy guide to separate the brainy from the rest. I'm not talking about those who can't navigate the perilous straits of "you're", i'm talking about folk who pass for intelligent. Count up your points. Count up your cousin's points! Let the de-pantsing begin.)

1 - People who say "could care less" when they mean "couldn't".
2 - People who are bothered by profanity. Big minds control words, small minds are controlled by them.
3 - People who use the phrase "more than friends". There is nothing in this world greater than friendship.
4 - People who use the phrase "walk of shame" (double-dumbass points for actually feeling post-coital shame).
5 - People who use the phrase "too much information" (double-dumbass points for abbreviating).
6 - People who invoke a "101% effort".
7 - People who say "pass away" when they mean "die"
8 - People who say "non-judgmental" when they mean "tolerant". You can be tolerant or intolerant; either requires equal judgment. For non-judgmental, try an avocado.
9 - People who wear skirts in winter.
10 - People who wear high heels anytime other than Halloween.
11 - Romantic seekers of "the one".
12 - People who say astrology when they mean astronomy.
13 - People who fancy the comedic stylings of Leno over Letterman. Or Leno over Conan. Or Leno over Schwarzenegger.

1-4 points: re-trainable
5-9 points: mandatory sterilization
10-14 points: lethal injection
15 points: very possibly the greatest genius of your generation, if all points are achieved simultaneously