You Can't Take It With You

THEATER 17
-spring 1988
Back at West Chester in the fall, i promptly went down swinging in two auditions, a Bob musical and a Jay drama. I worked as a stagehand on THE FANTASTICKS, and spilled a mop bucket onstage before a show. Some of the paint came up, and after good-natured grouses about "goddamned actors", they permanently excused me from mop detail. Glenn Subers and i worked an info table, and i made up matching t-shirts saying "The Mopper", and "The Lounge Man" (turns out he didn't just act like a lounge singer, he was one). Also that year, i agreed to be prop master for a studio production of HOOTERS, which i had also failed to get cast in. I did so begrudgingly (i was no damned tech). A breakthrough came with the prop i had the hardest time procuring: a diaphragm case. I asked friends, friends of friends, even a few strangers. Finally, i got one from Planned Parenthood. Their doctor's first words to me were "Oh yes, we get a lot of you boys from the university". Walking home, i felt a sense of accomplishment i hadn't expected. Finally came the spring show, YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU, directed by Sandi. I was cast as Ed. For my wife Essie she cast an unknown named Stephanie, who was incredibly gorgeous. I got to carry her and lock lips (i was attracted, but she was dating some motorcycle guy). The show was a sweet Hart/Kaufman 30's comedy. John Riddell played the wise grandfather, Karen Paxson (John's real-life amazing and talented girlfriend) played the granddaughter ingenue, Duane McDevitt was the romantic lead, Gary Lennon the Dad, a senior named Katie the Mom, Lou Markert was Dad's right hand man, and Jeff Bleam was the Russian dance instructor. Jeff was friendly, but he directed jibes my way, which was rather how he dealt with everyone. People looked up to him, because he was talented and quick, but i worried that his humor wasn't kind. Sandi's touch made the show a good one. Playing the small part of a J-man was Jim Sioutis, a transfer student. He expressed his affection for me by abusing me in greek. I liked him, too. One night he and the other J-men came on with pinkies and pointers extended, doing a Jay impression (the most spot-on, hilarious Jay was done by Lou, though). The actors loved it, though it didn't do a lot for the audience. I played xylophone as Ed, and trumpet too, because Sandi had asked whether i played any other instruments. At one rehearsal, Jay walked through the set and busted my chops, because one of my masks was on set for Act One, but i don't build it until Act Two. I had noticed this, but i guess i was using Ed's wiftiness to justify it. I ended up looking like a schmuck who didn't know what he was doing.