Monday, September 14, 2009

C

WOMEN 33
I met C my ninth and final semester of undergrad. She was a freshman living in Killinger Hall, the honors dorm. I don't remember how we met, but hanging out soon led to kissing. She was tall, just half an inch shorter than me. Long wavy dark brown hair, a long, big body (no fat, just a large structure), and full, beautiful breasts. She had smooth skin, with almost invisible body hair except for her head and pubis (she'd never shaved anywhere). When we met, i had the feeling of having wished her into existence. At this point in my life, i was determined not to take any of the chances i'd previously taken with STDs. But i didn't like condoms. When she told me she was a virgin who was incapable of conceiving…i'm not proud of this, but i wonder if she'd been fertile with a checkered past, would i have pursued her? Suffice to say that i said "thank you" to a fictitious creator, and kissed this young woman, happily and often. We chose monogamy. She was a nice lover, she had a peaceful quality. She thought sex was fun, and too silly to really take seriously. She and her roommate had a running joke about the "missing spooge" (one time i had cum outside of her, and we couldn't locate the shot...they searched behind desks, on the ceiling…). We happily indulged in oral pleasures. I enjoyed giving it, as a regular part of foreplay. She gave less frequently, because she said her jaw tired quickly, but the fit of our genitals was very pleasing to me, so that was fine. She seemed quite satisfied with the missionary position, so that satisfied me too. Foreplay followed by 1-4 minutes of thrusting…she loved the sex, said it felt great. She said she felt things that were "orgasmic", but in retrospect i had some doubts. She was of the Swedenborgen, a Pennsylvania religious community transplanted from the old world largely intact. She wasn't religious herself, which made me happy. She took me to her home once. A very nice area, and the church was quite impressive. C had Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, a condition wherein a male fetus is missing a chemical, which makes it not respond to the hormone androgen, which then makes the fetus switch genders. But the switch is not altogether complete, as infertility is always a result. C displayed all the outer female attributes, and had been born with gonads in place of ovaries. She said it was only after reading research which showed that her brain had female patterns, did she finally come to peace with her identity. And me? Only once in awhile, in idle moments, did my brain stir up some sort of brow-furrowed, homosexual-aversive thoughts, trying to wrap my mind around it all. We were together for over six months, through graduation and beyond. We spent lots of time together, but hardly ever around the theater department, mostly because she didn't quite fit my self-image there. That's a bit cold, i know. I could talk about our culture "defining" us too much by our mate...but i don't want to sugarcoat the fact that i never wanted to hold her up to the world with pride and joy. I knew pretty much from the beginning that i wasn't going to fall in love, and consoled myself with the thought that i'd never led her on in that regard. Did i sleep okay with that? Pretty much. Being with C was also kind of an admission that i wasn't going to have any "great college romance"...but in my last months there, i took for myself a happy relationship based mostly on lots of sex, something i'd never had. It seemed a fitting consolation prize. I finally broke it off, saying that our relationship wasn't going anywhere. I saw her a few years later when i went back to West Chester for my M.A. It was very good to see her, she was happy to see me, and engaged to be married…

No comments: