EGO

Many of history's greatest writers were creatures of enormous ego. Hemingway? A self-satisfied wanker. Louisa may alcott? Narcissistic pervert. Dr. seuss? A grousy louse in a mousy house. This isn't necessarily a bad thing...ego can provide the motivation to greatness, in any endeavor. I myself possess ego...perhaps in some ways as great as any. The more off-balance one is, the more the ego craves. Right now, there's a little monster inside me that longs for people to say things like "jesus, wrob, you're on fire", or "that piece was fucking brilliant".
In spite of all that, as i young adult i looked around and perceived how self-centered people are, so i spiritually ran in the other direction. I nurtured a humility toward all life, especially those deemed "hard to love". I strove to find the commonality in us all.
But it's possible that i taught myself to take humility one step too far. If one is possessed of intelligence or talent, it is perverse to do anything other than embrace those qualities, and accept that not everyone is so fortunate. Modesty is a laudable trait, but not if it becomes a kind of dishonesty. It's possible that in my quest for humility, i occasionally stepped away from embracing the responsibility that comes with exceptionality.
I have always tended to reach out to the world with gentleness and patience.
But today...today, i'm going to reach inside and free the beast.
The snarling, devouring beast. Ego.
I have trained ego-handlers with me, cattle prods at the ready, in case i have trouble re-caging myself.
You might want to put your goggles and pads on, and place a towel under yourself.
Everyone set?
Here we go.
ErrrrrrrrroooOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYOUMOTHERFUCKINGPINHEADS!!!
You insipid little pea-brained excuses for human beings.
You sniveling, whiny BLASTOPORES!!!
I will smack you upside your heads, and rattle your feeble cages until that SHIT you call a brain flows out of your ears. Then i'll piss on your flaccid gray matter, scoop up some muck, blow on it, stick in in your skull, and you'll be goddamn better off than you were!! Fucking pearls before swine, you mangy troglodytes! I lay pearls before you and you look down at 'em and grunt. The more clever among you pick them up and proceed to stick them in your butt, or more cleverly, in your neighbor's butt. Ah, the clever ones, i pat you on the head.
In terms of understanding and wisdom, comparing me to the average person is like comparing an adult to a child. But wisdom is not a progressive acquisition, except in a general and often useless sense! No matter how much of it you collect, your crap which works today may be meaningless on the morrow.
Now try to open that coconut shell you call a head, okay?
In life, there are five unqualified goods: music, hugs, laughter, sex, and dark chocolate.
If you reach the age of thirty without having run naked in the rain, i will personally hunt you down and squash you.
Men, you are nowhere near as useful as a vibrator, so bring one along.
If you think about any single religion, or philosophy, or "ISM" more than once a week, something in your life went horribly wrong.
The answer is in you. You probably can't understand, but your child or grandchild might. Once you understand, you'll be able to love, which is what the world needs. Now.
Okay, i can tell by the smell that your little peabrains are past capacity. Okay ego, let's get...you...back...in!!
Whooo.
Well, that was a hell of a thing.
Okay, you three with the cattle prods, you can go. Uh, except for you, what was your name, Samantha? Oh, sam? Yeah, you can stay, please. Sure, keep the prod. Okay fair readers, sam and i are taking a well-deserved rest.
No, wait...i can hear my ego shouting, "One more, one more!" Okay ego, sure, fire away.
Do you know where my head is? IT'S JAMMED RIGHT UP MY ASS. The only difference between you and me is that i've pulled my head out far enough to actually see the world. It's really beautiful out there. I guess if nothing else sinks in, please take my word on that one little thing...it's beautiful out there.
I love you all.
My ego, of course, thinks you're all wankers.
But not me.
Not me.