THIS SHITTER IS A SITTER
NO STANDING WITH YOUR MAN-THING
I give my blessing for any and all to adopt these words for your bathroom plaque. Most men feel threatened by the suggestion that sitting to pee is more sensible than standing. Has there ever been a more obvious example of the degradation of women inherent in the very fiber of our society, than when asking a man to not stand? Most men recoil at the very thought, or start joking ever-so-dismissively. Sitting would make them more like a WOMAN!
No.
Sitting does not make you more like a woman. Only bleeding from your genitals would make you more like a woman.
Sitting is sitting.
Sitting is simply the sensible response of anyone WHO HAS EVER BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR CLEANING THEIR OWN BATHROOM. Ah yes, there's part of the rub. A whole lot of men still live in homes where such cleaning is "woman's work". They spray away with impunity. But the reality of tinkle spray becomes obvious the first time you pee into a toilet on a bright, sunny day, right next to an open window through which the sun's rays bathe the bowl. It all becomes clear...the slight spray that emanates from the stream itself, and the not-so-slight spray that comes off the water at the point of impact, coating all in a fine mist that extends beyond the bowl itself. At that moment, all you can wonder is WHY WHY WHY are men standing?
And don't get me wrong...a standing pee can be enormous fun! In the snow, off a roof, with R. Kelly...great fun.
But somehow the male fear and loathing of women extended that fun in a most messy, illogical way.
There is no protesting the facts. The straightest stream in the world makes no difference. Even if the sun test weren't incontrovertible, is there one man in the world who has never dealt with morning split-stream?
I think not.
Are you telling me, Mr. Not-Convinced-Male, that you just can't do it? Too unnatural? Hm. In other words, your sexual identity is so fragile that changing an act which you do alone in your bathroom could send you spinning into a sexual identity crisis? I promise, if that's the case, then everybody in your life has been patiently waiting for YEARS for you to gracefully accept your homosexuality.
Forget the mess factor. If you're threatened by sitting, it's long past time you took a hard look in the mirror.
So go. You know where the mirror is.
It's next to the bowl.
You can tell me what you've learned the next time we cross swords.
5 comments:
And what of pure laziness? Depending on the frequency you actually clean your toilet, standing could be a time saver. I don't need to count to know the math works out for me, but then again my bathroom is disgusting.
In terms of pure laziness, a sitter-only toilet could literally go months without visibly needing a cleaning. Sitting is the lazy person's utopia.
Let me restate this: Depending on the frequency you clean your toilet... many people save net time by standing.
I assure you, the math for peeing while standing works out for me. Obsessively clean people would best be served by sitting.
A less delicate way of putting it is that my toilet hasn't been cleaned for months. I've saved a hell of a lot of time not sitting down.
Also, as hard as it is to pee with an erection, it is far harder sitting down if you're the least bit squeamish about dick-on-porcelain.
Yes...if one commits to a policy of non-toilet cleaning, standing would save at least four or five seconds a day.
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