dear Max 2

Dear Max,
Well, we're on the same wavelength at least. I've had those three words (defending the indefensible) in my mind ever since i sent them, wondering whether you'd be able to let them lie. (faint chuckle)
One interesting (and probably good) thing has come out of this exchange. At some point, i had a flash of a day in humanity's future when religious (imprecise word) musings would be a benign or positive thing. It was actually a sweet thought.
And i'm not saying that no religious impulse before now has ever been benign or positive.
I don't know whether this is a difference between you and i, but once upon a time i didn't really appreciate the profound state of barbarism that the human race is in. I mean, i understood it to a certain extent intellectually...certain numbers, like six million Jews, make an impression. But i couldn't really feel the scope of humanity's barbarism. Perhaps it was that i couldn't feel much at all. I was a thinker, not a feeler. These days, it sometimes feels like feelings are all i have (not true by a long shot, of course). But yes, that ash laughter i experienced was maybe 40% laughter at my own terribleness (and yes, even a sort of victory lap...fascinating that you understand that)...and 60% the road to insanity.
I don't think i'm missing the points you make about faith's benefits...though they certainly haven't had any place in my words, so your reminders may be a good thing.
It's just so hard for me to acknowledge these things you speak of...in this world, they seem so insignificant as to be almost non-existent. I too have cherished friends of profound faith, yet the good people we speak of are so easy to lose sight of, in the mass of those who attach to religion unthinkingly, or as a reaction to the most primal human fears - meaninglessness and death.
Meaninglessness and death. Not in that order.
Even for many thinking people of faith, those two fears drive them much more than they might ever admit (to the world or themselves).
And that's really the linchpin that drives my spiritual reaction to this world - fear. I will spend my life trying desperately to bang the fear out of myself and every other creeping banana slug in the world.
And there is no greater sanctuary for the fearful in this world than religion.
As for whether there exists even a minority of people whose feelings on faith came through freethinking...that sounds like a lovely fireside chat. Frankly, i'm not sure whether i'd try to convince you that those people exist and that i am one, or the opposite.
I find your own views on these topics enigmatic...well, not your views so much as feelings. My understanding of you in this regard is feeble.
We are in agreement on the matter of joy/sorrow. I try to discourage people who deny sorrow (as i actually did for much of my life). It just struck me now, that during my early adulthood i was a mirror image of the "happy young christian". That's just great, now i feel like Lady MacBeth.
Yes, i should have included in my schmutz post the sentiment, "Kids, do not try this at home". Perhaps i shall do just that. But there are times when my spirit just feels pain, and the pain obscures other considerations. At the same time, i don't feel bad for communicating to militant athiests that they're not crazy. In some ways, they're closer to sanity than most.
Finally, i tender my apologies to the banana slugs i just slurred.