Charlie's Angels, season 4

1) Love Boat Angels ****
It's possible that no series in TV history bounced back from the loss of beloved original characters as successfully as CHARLIE'S ANGELS...in the little picture, at least. Cheryl and Shelley Hack paled next to Farrah and Kate, but the premiere episodes of seasons 2 and 4 were barn-burners. In this case, that's admittedly with a stacked deck, with a two-parter on...the Love Boat! Plus Bert Convy as a Robin Hood bad guy, Dick Sargent as an antsy insurance investigator, and Judy Landers as a red herring replacement for Kate. Anyone care to guess how many LOVE BOAT appearances Bert and Judy had between them, not including this one? A candy cheroot to anyone who guessed FIFTEEN!! Yup (Mr. Sargent, lacking ambition, had only one). Anyway, Sabrina had a busy summer, marrying and getting pregnant (possibly with some guy named "Scarecrow"). Kate, we loved you. The LOVE BOAT crew is only around for the first fifteen minutes...but it's enough for howls aplenty. New Angel Tiffany Welles is kept in the background, but she's fine, particularly in an insecure scene with Bosley. Cheryl gets the lion's share, and responds with her fantasticalest performance ever. She becomes involved with Bert, who rises miles above game show host. He's a Vietnam vet who has taken to crime to finance the rescue of refugees. The mystery of chemistry can be easy or impossible to track, but Bert and Cheryl pop, with a huge "P". I don't know whether she was just at a lovely point in her life, or whether she and Bert were close, or perhaps the absence of Kate freed her energy...but she's simply luminous. This being the Love Boat, the feminine form is abundant, especially within Cheryl's white bikini. And three seasons after Farrah, nipples finally return, in an unforgettable underwater sequence.
2) Angels Go Truckin' ***
Kris and Tiffany go to trucking school, to go undercover in an all-female trucking company. Kris' twangy CB voice is too adorable. Shelley generally comes off as a icy fashion model, but she has an occasional smile that feels like a friendly child.
3) Avenging Angel ***
A heroin addict/dealer Kelly helped put away gets out of jail, determined to get revenge. He drugs her coffee at her favorite cafe, then follows her home and injects her with heroin. The dealer's source (Steve Kanaly, DALLAS) shadows him, determined to retrieve two missing kilos. The dealer and Kelly are abducted. This is as ugly as ANGELS gets, with Kelly strung out for much of the episode. But she doesn't fall apart, not our Kel.
4) Angels at the Altar ***
Deadly things have been happening to the fiance of an old high school friend of Kelly's (Kim Cattrall, STAR TREK 6, PORKY'S, SEX AND THE CITY). It's not often that a freelance TV writer's imprint outweighs the show and stars, but Larry Alexander's ham-handed, Cinderella fingerprints are everywhere. Will the Angels uncover the baddie before "I now pronounce you..."? Of course, but it's too much fun not to enjoy it.
5) Fallen Angel ****
Pinch me. Farrah's back, going toe to toe with James Bond. A howlingly rich time as the Angels take on Timothy Dalton (the most unappreciated 007), a jet-setting jewel thief described as "James Bondian", eight years before he played the part. Farrah is under cover so deep that the Angels don't know about it, and is forced to coldly denounce both Kris and Kelly. I was even fooled. Watch all three Angels try (and fail) to use their feminine allure on Dalton. The climactic rooftop fight between Farrah and Bond is too, too classic.
6) Caged Angel ***
A top-ten entry for the six remaining members of the ICLFC (International Cheryl Ladd Fan Club). Kris volunteers to go undercover in prison, to root out a crime ring. Sending the smallest Angel into the big house is a bizarre choice, but Cheryl is great. Tiffany volunteers first, but perhaps the writers were making fun of the fact that Shelley was firmly locked into supporting-character land. The local muscle, Big Aggie, wants to make Kris her "bitch". But Daddy, how could two women have sex?? Kris befriends another prison tough.
7) Angels on the Street ***
The shy music teacher daughter (who looks more like Naomi Watts than Naomi) of a man who runs a small conservatory is brutally and mysteriously assaulted. All the leads lead to local prostitutes, and one in particular who seems to hate the daughter, so Kelly and Tiffany "hit the streets". They only work together, for $1000 a pop...let your minds wander. Things get dicey, as the local pimp (uber-TV bad guy Richard Lynch, one of only two actors to ever pull off the TREK/GALACTICA/BUCK trifecta) sets them up to be killed.
8) The Prince and the Angel ***
Farrah returns for a perfectly sweet episode. She's just hanging out with Kelly shopping, which is nice. A dashing stranger picks her up (or confiscates her, as Kel says)...but the stranger is being stalked by an assassin, and we're off! Thankfully, it's the most inept assassin in telly history, as he tries to take the prince down (yes, he's a crown prince) from thirty feet away, then from ninety feet on a yacht, then from forty feet on a passing horse with...a handgun! Yes, campers, another mastermind who's not heard of a rifle. The interplay between Farrah and the prince is ultimately charming, and she finally looks as lovely as ever, no longer in guest star bad hair hell.
9) Angels on Skates ****
I tried to give this three stars, i really did. But my ceaseless chuckles after it was over wouldn't let me. The plot (Angels investigate kidnapping of a penniless Venice Beach skater who turns out to be an heiress) is one of their more painfully contrived offerings. At the end, after the girl has been freed, looking every bit as traumatized as she should after three days bound in a cellar with a violent goon, Kris tells her to go out and win that local championship she'd been preparing for...and if that's not enough, your partner (Ed Begley Jr.) was part of the kidnapping scheme! Go skate your ass off, honey! Ed, never mind those felony charges, you've got a contest to win! The hokeyness is unending, and with guest star richness, prepare yourself for howl after howl. Begley is honest-to-zeus friggin' fantastic on wheels! Joining him is bad guy Rene Auberjonois (M*A*S*H, BENSON, DEEP SPACE NINE) as sleazy promoter Freddie Fortune. If that's not enough, there's also a perspicacious plenitude of pulchritude, and over-the-top 70s roller skating.
10) Angels on Campus ***
So bad it's, well, good. Angels investigate kidnappings of college sorority girls. Shelley gets big screen time, as the ex-sorority president who returns as a "big sister" (sadly, she doesn't quite shine). Jo Ann Pflug (lt. Dish, M*A*S*H) doesn't shine either. Kris becomes a student, to lure lothario professor Gary Collins, who does shine. The plot meanders and lurches. YES, there's a sorority called the Pis (eat that, NERDS)...but despite the opportunities, nothing ever moves on the sexy-meter. The episode is redeemed only by its depiction of campus life a decade before "harrassment" became something we talked about.
11) Angel Hunt ***
For a while, this one is so good it feels like they gave it the time and money of a feature film. The Angels are lured to deserted Diablo Island, to be hunted by an old nemesis of Charlie's. The visuals are beautiful, the dialogue delightful, and the pulchritude eye-popping. We also see more of Charlie than ever, as an actor gives full body life to his voice (dorsal view, of course). Uber-"that guy" baddie Lloyd Bochner (DYNASTY, GALACTICA, NAKED GUN 2 1/2) plays his part with aplomb. It falls into hackneyed cheese at the end.
12) Cruising Angels ***
Charlie's new yacht is stolen, then returned. The Angels discover gold bullion onboard. Bosley romances the yacht's decorator, who's part of the smuggling ring. Nothing wrong with this'n, and nothing great.
13) Of Ghosts and Angels *
Look. Someone shit on the rug. Shelley gets her first (and last) crack at central character. She obviously didn't make any friends on the writing staff.
14) Angel's Child ***
Kelly intervenes when she discovers a cop's abused kid. An enormous issue they damn near did justice to. They should have ditched the action B plot.
15) One of Our Angels is Missing ***
Kris is sent to Arizona as the bait to lure a white-collar bail-jumper back to California. When the Angels realize he's also a rapist-murderer, Kris disobeys orders to abort. This edgy episode earns a spot on the "Cheryl's Greatest" list. Starring as a sleazy murder victim is Marc Alaimo (Gul Dukat, DS9).
16) Catch a Falling Angel ***
A sweet country girl, who can't read, moves to the big city to be a star. Her fiance shows up, and is bumped off by the girl's porn producer. A touching guest performance by Elissa Leeds. Plot holes and a dearth of sexiness keep it from greatness.
17) Home $weet Homes ***
Fun fun fun, including one scene they didn't try often enough...all the Angels (and Bosley) are under three different covers, simultaneously working the suspect from different angles, with bad accents to boot. Priceless. And another appearance by a large, curly black dog at Jaclyn's side...this time "Albert" even gets a credit. Classic "that guy" Dick Gautier plays a crooked real estate agent, setting up clients to be swindled.
18) Dancin' Angels *
The Angels investigate crimes and curiosities at a ballroom, where a retro dance marathon is in sway. There's much potential, but it feels like they could never find the "focus" button...or like they gave the writing and directing chores to strangers. Cesar Romero is wasted.
19) Harrigan's Angels ***
The Angels are forced to team up with an alcoholic, washed-up investigator named Harrigan. Kris keeps him out of everyone's hair and dries him out, because he reminds her of her father. She discovers he was a high-level operative during the war. Their scenes become very touching; another entry on the Top-10 Cheryl list. You'll be amused by a very obviously-placed billboard advertising a certain 1979 Steve Martin movie. Robert Englund (V, NIGHTMARISH ELMS) plays a baddie.
20) An Angel's Trail ****
Am i unjustly awarding a flawed product, bamboozled by sentimentality? Maybe, maybe not. But as the final scene came to a close, tears rolled. Farrah's final appearance is a tight, realistic ride. She gets kidnapped after witnessing a robbery/homicide. The fugitives are an escaped con father, and his two sons, one of them retarded. They confound the law by heading north for Canada, not south. For no credible reason, the other Angels go north. Lots of family drama comes up, as the father was in jail for killing Mom, and the retarded son becomes protective of Jill. There's a brilliant scene where she hangs over a rattler pit. The other son (Tracey Walter - BATMAN, CONAN THE DESTROYER) is suitably despicable and weak. John Dennis Johnston gives a great performance as the retarded son. Wrapped in huge shades of Lenny (George, not Squiggy), he's not flawless, but close enough. The final scene tears come as he tastes a cake baked by Jill, at his new caretaker's home. Bosley's there too, and no fan could ask for more...she's not on a pedestal, she just shines in a moment they all create.
21) Nips and Tucks ***
Angels go undercover at a plastic surgery spa. A complicated plot involves a doctor (Louis Jordan - GIGI, OCTOPUSSY, SWAMP THING) being manipulated by his evil ex-patient lover, for whom he has left his wife, maneuvering him to operate on a druglord (Tab Hunter) who wants to return to the country.
22) Three for the Money **
Not a particularly bad episode, and unique in ANGEL history for how many in-depth plotlines are juggled. It's almost exhausting to watch - midway through, you feel like you're in the middle of a feature film. Sadly, the overall effect never pops.
23) Toni's Boys *
Where do i start? This episode is the answer to an insidious trivia question - what was the only ANGELS episode designed to launch a spinoff? No, not the adventures of Bosley as a sex worker/standup comic in Hawaii. The spinoff was to feature exactly none of the show's established actors, and the network decided to not greenlight it (for once in your life, you'll praise a studio's good sense). Come watch a show that can't decide whether it's "so bad it's good", or just bad. An old friend of Charlie's (Barbara Stanwyck) starts an agency staffed by three comely male detectives. Yes, gay male community, you may weep at yet another landmark show the cruel fates denied you. One of the boys is an ex-Olympian who uses a fold-up, briefcase-sized pole to vault over fences (um, isn't that usually a bad idea when there's no LANDING CUSHION on the other side?). Another one is a cowboy who runs down a plane, and ropes it. Guest baddie Robert Loggia, normally a force of nature, is as listless and uninspired as the turd canoe he's paddling. In summation, i can only say...my idea for a Bosley spinoff is freakin' genius.
24&25) One Love...Two Angels ****
Are you ready to have your stables incinerated? The ANGEL episode you thought you'd never see, one that leaves Hollywood monogamy still standing, but with a distinct black eye. It percolates for a while at three stars, as Kelly heads off to San Diego with a lawyer (Patrick Duffy!) who believes she's a long-lost heiress. As they research together, they fall in love, tenderly and believeably. She's reunited with Daddy (the excellent Ray Milland), a hotel baron who shows Kel a picture of his familiar-looking dead wife. But! Ray has a scheming nephew played by...Robert Reed! (i think after BRADY, producers took perverse pleasure in casting him as a bad guy) Robert poisons Ray, and Kelly inherits all. Still suspicious, she sends Patrick to L.A. to re-check his findings, with Kris. They become close, then get caught in a rainstorm scene that will have you pinching yourself, as the sexual tension is palpable. Very soon, we have a love declaration between Kris and Patrick. Pardon my bluntness, but within the span of one week, his seed is in both of their vaginal canals, with mutual declarations of true love. Patrick Duffy, you are the ruler of the known universe. You are what Scott Baio wants to be when he grows up, Mr. Patrick Duffy. In the Kris consummation scene, he comes close several times to stopping it, which you're CERTAIN he will do - but he follows each pause with a further silent plunge. Some of the events afterward fall into rushed implausibility, but getting the network's greenlight for a three-parter was never gonna happen, so...they all go back to San Diego, and the proverbial hell breaks loose. As Patrick tries to explain to one, and then the other, you BELIEVE him...how he waited his whole life to feel something this strong for just one woman, and now he feels it for two. The girls quickly fall into "wounded betrayal" mode, and push him to make a choice. Sigh...you poor twentieth-century-bound idiots, can't you see the MUCH better solution staring you in the face?? You wanna talk about sweeps week? Anyway, part 2 chickens out, as one of the three dies (hm, i wonder which...). The stunner though, is not that they chicken out, it's that they keep it at bay for as long as they do. Scene after scene goes by where i was literally clapping and hooting at the audaciousness. Kris and Kel both give their resignations to Bosley, and in her final episode it's Tiffany who keeps digging and rallys the troops. She gets two pallets of cinder block dumped on her, and in retrospect, wouldn't it have been more powerful if she hadn't squeaked out in time? And made the Kellly/Kris reconciliation more poignant? But as with all previous ex-Angels, it's clear that no one heard the swan song playing.