In times of unhappiness or stress, we all seek our "comfort food", whatever that might be. For me this past month, that's been lots of "West Wing". Computerless and almost jobless, there was no shortage of time. I pecked at a poem with pen and paper, and wrote a few not-ends, but it's funny how hard it is to go back, once you've gotten used to a new technology.
Amazingly, given how motivated by self-interest we all are, treating ourselves well is a skill that most of us are simply pathetic at. I do my best to not be so. Shortly after i arrived at my new home, even though i was in arguably the worst financial straits of my life, i gave myself some treats. I spent $20 on seven cds (it's so wonderful to have "On and On" in my life again, and the original "Sail On, Sailor" for the first time), and the same amount on a Star Trek dvd set. This last was my final purchase using my Bank of America credit card, as my card was shut down the next day. I've apparently been the victim of identity theft. I'm awaiting the report from the credit bureau, but preliminary evidence suggests that someone's been mortgaging a house and leasing cars in my name for years, and making late payments while doing so. My own record is pretty close to spotless, so don't think i won't remember how Bank of America turned their back on me. They admitted that my rejection had nothing to do with my record with them...indeed, over the years, they've gone out of their way to keep raising my limit, though i never asked for it.
It's funny how the timing of it all went, though. Having that card the week i moved...well, it was probably the single time in my life when having credit helped the most. Since i couldn't get my old landlord on the phone to give my new landlord a reference, he asked for four months rent in advance, instead of two. Mom's loan didn't cover that, so the $500 cash advance i took from my credit card covered the difference. It also was the means by which i stocked my cupboards when i moved in.
Then there i was, suddenly with no credit, a few singles in my pocket, maybe $20 in the bank, and three days before my next job.
But i was fine.
Here are those many little reasons why i knew almost immediately that i'd be moving out of my last apartment sooner rather than later. I knew it wasn't a "perfect" fit when i moved in, but i had been facing a deadline. And i don't regret a moment of it all...being the only white in a black neighborhood during the Obama election was singularly right.
1) Bike travel distance. It wasn't prohibitive, an hour or so to most parts of Manhattan, but almost immediately i was aware of how much nicer living just ten minutes closer would be.
2) Subway proximity. It was a good mile away. I didn't mind this for my sake, but for my visitors.
3) Most of the restaurants were meat and fried food heavy. I ended up frequenting only one, a Chinese place.
4) There was a glitch in the mail, and i'm guessing i received only half of that which was sent to me while there (so if you think i've been spurning your offers of publication or group sex, try me at my new address).
5) There were no organic food shops, coffee shops, or much in the way of thrift stores.
6) The rent was on the upper end of acceptable. I'm now paying $400 a month, and had i been paying that rate at my last place, i'd have an extra $1000 now. After this bleak financial winter and my housing crisis, i'm in almost $5000 debt, so that $1000 would be nice to have.
7) The lines of communication with Shelly were damaged almost immediately. We had nice moments, but...i remember the time i told her that someone had eaten nearly a whole jar of my peanuts. She called me a liar. Thereafter, though i almost never mentioned it, my food disappearing was a constant. Not every day, but every week. I don't think it was the kids, either. Most of it was out of reach for Tarlik, or things used for cooking. And Melissa asked when she wanted something. It was perhaps mostly Shelly's friends. There was a fair deal of traffic in the house.
8) I had spent the previous winter in substandard heating, so heat was maybe the first thing i asked about before i moved in. Shelly assured me it was fine. The heater was in one of my closets, but very quickly she asked me not to run it often, as her bill had been ridiculous the previous winter (i think she was being charged incorrectly, a condition which continued this past winter...she got a $1000 bill, even though i was running the heat only a few hours a week). She also told me that the noise of the heater kept her up at night. Often the heat wasn't a problem, as we had units above us and below, but there were many nights when i accepted being too cold, out of consideration for her.
Anyway...despite all that, i did love being there.
As for my new home, it's twelve minutes closer to Manhattan, the subway is three blocks away, there is a veritable cornucopia of restaurants nearby, i have a door to my own little backyard (admittedly shabby at present, as are the neighboring yards...they look a tiny bit like a war zone...but i've got one lovely little tree near my window, and i've asked the landlord for grass seed), and all for $100 less a month. I've now met the other couple, too. They're quite young, and they seem nice enough, if a little reclusive.
There are signs of domestic unrest between Stanley and Robert, but...such is life, sweet readers, such is life. It's a banquet with no menu, a pool with no lifeguard, a party with no chaperone. Eat, drink coconut juice, be merry, and make love.
There are no guarantees. But trust yourself, and try not to be afraid of anything.
Except maybe wolverines.
I love you all.
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