Ian

After working with the mentally retarded, i decided to spend one more slice of my life directly helping others. I signed on as a special services assistant at West Windsor/Plainsboro H.S. in New Jersey. "Special services" is euphemistic language for "special ed", which is in turn euphemistic for "handicapped/slow". My assignment was to spend one school year as personal aide for a ninth grader named Ian, who had a nervous system disease which confined him to a wheelchair. He had limited use of his hands and spoke haltingly. He was bright, good-natured, and funny. When i think about the other assignments i could have received (there was another wheelchaired student, and two positions assisting teachers in classroom situations)...well, good fortune was mine, as Ian and i became comfy with each other very quickly.
Mine was an autonomous position. Ian was in normal classes, and i accompanied him throughout the day. I took notes, tutored, helped with written tests, and assisted in the bathroom and cafeteria. He was in many respects just a normal kid...he procrastinated, liked junk food, and wanted the companionship and love of his peers.
He motored his electric chair around well, allowing for occasional independence, which was fun for him. He was big, around 200 pounds on a long frame. He was catheterized, so bathroom visits meant simply emptying a packet strapped to his leg. One day his catheter slipped out, and i was glad i had enough strength to maneuver him on and off a toilet.
My fellow special ed teachers were a fun lot. Joan was a new teacher and new wife. Had she not been married, i think she would have pursued me romantically. As i suspected we weren't right for each other, it was just as well. But it was nice, we trusted each other and kind of shared an unspoken "secret". My best buddies were Louise and Tina (no Gilligan jokes, please). We were close in age, played practical jokes on one another, and ate our lunches together in the special ed office. I started out with a crush on Louise, but by the end of the year it had shifted to Tina.
Among Ian's teachers, my favorite was his brash and bright-eyed science teacher Toni. I actually learned things in her class i had missed in high school and college. At the end of the year, she and Rennie, the head of the special ed department, presented me with a "cutest butt" award. So innappropriate, it makes my eyes tear with happiness.
In many classes, i didn't need to take notes, as Ian would get them copied from another student. With the free time this gave me, i ended up crafting notes and lines for what would become my first play, "Jahd".
It was during this year that i learned something about myself. I can have an intense, open look, which can be misunderstood. I found out from the vice principal that twice that year, a female student thought i was looking at her inappropriately. I had no clue whom they could have been...it troubled me, but the V.P. handled it with compassion and restraint.
The most memorable experience of the year turned out to be the fire drill. Special ed is the one department which was alerted of fire drills ahead of time, because of students like Ian. That seemed a curious policy, for how is one to learn about one's preparedness for the unexpected, if the test itself is expected? When the alarm came, Ian and i were on the second floor. I knew that in an actual emergency, taking the elevator wasn't an option. All the other teachers in my department would have taken Ian on the elevator, but i decided that if we were going to simulate an emergency, we would learn about those conditions, and no other. I told Ian i was going to carry him out of the building. He was a tiny bit unsure, but the teenager in him quickly took over. Adventure!
Have you ever lifted 200 pounds of mostly dead weight into a fireperson's carry, then carried that weight down two long flights of stairs, and out of a huge building? I'm guessing you've not. By the time we reached the ground floor, the building was deserted. We went out the nearest exit. Ian was having a grand time. After the stairs and thirty yards of flat ground, my tank hit empty (i'm sixty pounds lighter than Ian). Even though protocol called for us to go further away from the building, i set him down about fifteen feet from the door (in an emergency, i would have had the adrenaline to carry him further). I didn't let on that i was pooped. Some of the students saw us, and as it looked pretty exciting, i think he got a little bump in secondary peer glamor.
On the last day, I stayed after school, chatting with everyone in our office. I had told them i would be moving on. Everybody left, one by one, until it was just Tina and i. We talked and talked, until even the janitors were gone. She told me she had sensed my crush on Louise. I asked her whether she had sensed my crush on her. Her eyes widened, and she said no. After laughter and many more words, we found ourselves rolling around the office floor, kissing. We began a very nice summer romance. She ended up steamrolling me, but that's life.
In the years since, i've been quick to knock this experience off my resume when i'm streamlining, as "teacher's aide" isn't an overly juicy title compared with my others. In some respects, that year did pale a bit in comparison to my previous two with the mentally retarded. But i did some good things for a wonderful young person, and for a month or two i even got the girl.