Our official xma$ tree is prepped and ready, with pretty lights (and after years of ambivalence, i gotta go with artificial...if you are of the anti-artificial persuasion, i appreciate your purity but suggest we decorate our real trees outside, where they can continue to give us oxygen to breathe). It's time for the 2008 holiday ornaments, commemorating last year's most resonant moments of humanity! The Sarah Palin head (with winking action) was a finalist, but it's better to put some images behind us. Speaking of images behind us...
THE 2 GIRLS 1 CUP CUP ORNAMENT
Okay, i know that technically this online video burst into our collective consciousness in 2007, but this blog didn't exist one year ago, and i didn't see this clip myself until last week. I can't bring myself to describe what happens, and let me stress right out of the chute (ba-dump-bump!) that i am encouraging NO ONE to view it. Having seen it myself, i cannot claim to be a better person. If however, you are a student of humanity, the popularity of this clip is a fascinating glimpse into our collective soul. Even if the clip is a semi-fraud, and the cup's contents were switched in a jump cut (which would of course do nothing to diminish the vomiting section of the performance), this ornament still deserves its place, as online clips of people watching the video now rival the popularity of the clip itself. For the ornament, there's no need to bang people over the head with the most unforgettable image (and frankly, deciding which moment that was would require me to view it again, an occasion i'm content to avoid). We'll take the more subtle approach and just have the cup itself, swirled and pristine.
THE NYPD NIGHTSTICK SODOMY ORNAMENT
Hm, it was apparently a banner year for assholes. This ornament commemorates the October sodomization of Brooklyn resident Michael Mineo at the hands of three of NY's finest. Officers confronted Mineo in the Prospect Park subway station, believing him to be smoking marijuana. Perhaps remembering the unprovoked police assault on a Critical Mass bike rider earlier in the year (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUkiyBVytRQ), Mineo ran, and was tackled. While two officers held down his arms, Mineo's anus was probed (for dime bags, perhaps?) by Officer Richard Kern and his happy baton. Putting aside the civil rights outrage, is it possible that Mr. Kern has some latent tendencies that need resolving? Or is this all just a pothead crying wolf? It seems not, as indictments have been handed down, and medical records confirm that Mr. Mineo suffered, wait for it...yes, internal abrasions. No pot found, our citizen was given a summons and set free. The ornament captures our four heroes in their most penetrating moment.
THE PRESIDENT-DUCKING-A-SHOE ORNAMENT
Capturing the instant the first shoe sails on by, this ornament (like the press conference it commemorates) will forever provide humanity with a little slice of cathartic healing.
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