"Rocketman"

-2019

This elton john biopic is my nominee for worst movie of the 21st century.

It should only be shown with this caveat stamped to the screen: "Any resemblance between this film and elton's life, is entirely accidental".

Mind you, i don't see a lot of new movies. But it's hard to imagine any cinematic turd more appalling. This film is an object lesson in why you should NEVER let your subject be one of the film's producers. The most egregious act of masturbatory self-adulation to ever (dis)grace the screen?

All the flaws of the film are encapsulated in the casting of the lead. Taron egerton is seven kinds of talented, but no skill can mask the fact that he is a Hollywood hunk.

Elton darling, i adore you, but you were never a hunk. You were a short, unathletic nerd. And i LOVE the idea of making nerds sexy...but this ain't the way to do it.

Instead of using your influence to fight beautyism, you capitulated to it, in the worst possible way.

Somewhere out there, is a great movie about the life of elton john. It just hasn't been made.

Though actually, maybe the freddie mercury pic was worse...