not-ends 43

I'm going to start a magazine devoted to health and self-image issues for testicles. I'm calling it The Gonadvocate.

My diatribes against makeup are sometimes met with scorn by third-wave feminists who say they've reclaimed makeup in the name of personal expression, sometimes wearing it in ways not approved by the patriarchy. To that i say, IF you're not deluding yourself, that's brilliant! But how is your choice affecting the vast majority of wimyn who are less self-actualized? Are you burying them deeper in double standards and financial chains?

The only sensible time to commit a crime is during the fall daylight savings time shift, when there are two 12:42AMs. But officer, i CLEARLY have an alibi for 12:42!

Is there anyone who would be bothered if we made one final half hour shift, then never worry about this daylight savings nonsense again?

Show me the Hollywood director brave enough to do a remake of "The Wizard of Oz", and switch the actors playing the good witch and wicked witch.

I think the other states missed the boat in not following Indiana's lead in capital-naming - Iowapolis in particular, would easily become the tourist mecca of the Midwest. Iawopolis.

If wishes were horses...there would instantly be billions more creatures enslaved and abused.

A slave nation was once founded on the precept "all men are created equal". Yet there's a more subtle contradiction at play. We declared our independence as a protest against being economically exploited...yet we created an economy in which economic exploitation of our own citizens is the most essential and inescapable building block.

If ben franklin had gotten his way and our national bird was the turkey, would we have a national day of gratitude on which we eat an eagle?

The closer you get to sanity, the more likely you'll go insane.

Attention Hollywood! I've got your next mega-blockbuster. It's been in front of our nose the whole time - "Robin Hood vs. Millionaire Bruce Wayne".