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America's leading export is culture. Here are America's four biggest businesses:
1) Manufacturing machines of death.
2) Selling socially-acceptable liquids that impair judgment and disable inhibitions.
3) Selling an invisible best friend who can do ANYTHING.
4) Selling pieces of paper that might make you instantly rich in a world where babies starve.
That squishy sound you hear may be your head shifting in your ass.

I propose a new Olympic sport - the 100-meter backward sprint.

There are a few words we feminists don't seem to be in a rush to re-brand; i haven't heard anyone talking about a henchperson, flim-flam person, fall person, or con person.

If abortion is a crime, is sex a misdemeanor?

People use the phrase "mind-numbing job" as though there are ANY psychologically healthy, day-after-day eight-hour tasks.

Using their own logic, isn't it fair to ask people who believe in an afterlife, what's after the afterlife?

There's something strange going on in the shift from the word "woman" to "women". The second syllable gets spelled differently, but pronounced the same. The first syllable doesn't change, yet gets a new pronunciation. Something fishy there...

If you think wisdom and serenity go hand in hand, you've experienced neither.

Do i have a "savior complex"? Anyone who doesn't, isn't really paying attention.

How about the backwards long jump? Or the backwards javelin? Hey, don't look at me like i'm crazy - i didn't invent the backstroke.

I hereby institute a new rule for all sexual relationships - the Freebie! When a couple break up, each partner is entitled to one sexual freebie with each other. A Freebie comes with no strings. Conversation is optional. The period in which freebies can be claimed mirrors the length of the given relationship. Thus, if a couple were together eleven months, they each have eleven months to claim their Freebie. If a couple were together for decades, you may have to honor that knock on your door when you're ninety-three (go get 'em, tiger). Dalliances of less than a month get no Freebie privileges. The Freebie must be honored no matter how the relationship ended. I considered exempting wankers from freebie rights, but if you got involved with a wanker, you have no one to blame but yourself.