It's so easy to dream of your beautiful gentleness.
It's so easy to dream of loving you.
I'm writing now because a strange thing happened, and we might not be able to meet tonight.
I got a little sick last night when i got home. And it's funny, because i realize now that i was starting to feel it when we were in the Orpheus parking lot. A little light-headed. By the time i had irene safely in her apartment and was in my own downstairs, my head felt funny and i was so tired. I ate a little, but it was hard to get down. I took my script to bed and never opened it, as all i could do was close my eyes.
There has been a nasty virus going around my theater cast the past few weeks. I may have it...although i often get less sick than others. Already this morning, i feel much more human. Fortunately, i only have to bike a few miles to rehearsal today, not the usual 24 (or 60 km).
But back to you!
Understand, when i talk about loving you, i don't mean it the same way others do. When people in this world talk about love, there's always an underlying negotiation...if you treat someone a certain way, they're expected to treat you a certain way in return. But that's not love, that's just using people.
So when i say i awoke this morning dreaming of loving you, don't think i want or expect any particular response. Just be natural, and know that my instinct is to love you in any way you might need. If i ever seem too polite or shy in person, it's only because people in this world get confused or upset when someone says exactly what they think or feel.
Your beautiful, sad energy feels so far off the ground. It's like you're floating in the air, disconnected from the world. I want to jump up, grab your foot, pull you to Earth, and love you.
I may be back to the beach at 10, or much earlier. I was going to go to a family party after rehearsal, but now i may skip it.
yours,
wrob
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