the shitler

(photo: wrob and his jewpsy lover)

Make way for the first grooming fad of the new millenium!
The shitler.
Men, you can be among the first immortals to originate and disseminate this hirsute sensation. But don't wait. A month from now, you'll be just one of millions on the shitler bandwagon.
What's a shitler? A reverse-hitler, of course.
You start with a moustache. Any moustache will do (except perhaps a fu manchu). You shave the center 1.5 inches of your moustache clean away, so you're the mirror opposite of adolf's hairy lip. Distinctive? You betcha.
The shitler is much more than a fashion statement, though. It's a lifestyle choice. A philosophy. In every facet of your life, you must figure out what hitler would have done, then do the polar opposite.
For starters, you may only make love with jews.
Or gypsies.
If you meet a russian, you must invite him or her into your home, and let them stay as long as they like. If you meet someone french, you must ask them to plan the next five years of your life. Instead of bombing the british, you must get bombed with them! And you get to ignore italians (if you've ever dated an italian, you're heading for your razor right now).
But there's more than just looking dashing and making the world a better place! The shitler is a new experience in the realm of the senses. You will astound your lover with your combination of smooth and scruffy. It's the closest that straight women or gay men will ever come to performing cunnilingus. If you've never had your philtrum tongue-bathed, or even imagined such a thing, you haven't lived. You could create a chin-shitler to double the effect! I myself, originator of the shitler, hit the grand carnal jackpot when i met my new lover, LaRutha. She's half-gypsy and half-jew - a jewpsy! And embodies the best of both worlds. She'll jump up on a table, to show the world what dancing and life are about! Then, behind closed doors, her jewish heritage takes over as she becomes the most enraptured, simmering sex machine to ever walk the planet. Not every shitler-wearer should hope to bag a jewpsy. Not every shitler-wearer could handle one. No matter. The shitler is many things...
Do you believe in nonviolence, and in people of all colors humping like happy bunnies?
Do you like to feel solid skin beneath your finger when you make the international gesture for "shhhhhh"?
Do you love the warmth of facial hair during long winters, but hate how your runny nose makes icicles in the hair above your lip?
Then it's time.
Time for the shitler.