"Tales of the Gold Monkey"

1982-1983
Set in the late 30s, this adventure series by Donald Bellasario (MAGNUM P.I., QUANTUM LEAP) capitalized on the success of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. The irrepressible Mike Post gave us the music. The lovable Stephen Collins (STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE, SEVENTH HEAVEN) stars as Pacific islands bush pilot Jake Cutter, who flies his seaplane in and out of all sorts of trouble, with Japanese and Nazis and other unsavories. Sweet Jeff MacKay (MAGNUM P.I., BATTLESTAR GALACTICA) is his alcoholic mechanic Corky. Caitlin O'Heaney (THE CHARMINGS) plays damsel-in-distress and part-time spy Sarah White. John Calvin (NORMA RAE, THE PAUL LYNDE SHOW) is missionary/Nazi spy Reverend Tenboom. Marta DuBois (MCBRIDE, and the unforgettable temptress/con artist Ardra in NEXT GENERATION's "Devil's Due") plays island princess Koji. Leo plays lovable one-eyed dog Jack. Lending the perfect final brush stroke, the inestimable Roddy McDowall plays saloon owner Bon Chance Louie. There's a minor cheese factor and an occasionally loose affiliation with plausibility. Charming? Yes. Worth the time for anyone who isn't overly-sentimental about the 80s? Not really, no.
-Tales of the Gold Monkey ****
This two-hour TV movie is a wonderful ride. John Hillerman (BLAZING SADDLES, MAGNUM P.I.) plays a Hitler lookalike Nazi. Louie is capably played by Ron Moody (OLIVER!)...but admittedly without the zing that Roddy would bring. Jake loses Jack's glass eye in a poker game, and gets into all sorts of misadventure trying to get it back. Nice chemistry between he and the uptight Sarah (with a slight cringe factor as he repeatedly threatens to spank her for her). It's a touch more risque than you might expect, as the "blessings" Reverend Tenboom gives the native girls are thinly-veiled humpings. The climax comes on a mystery island where everyone is searching for a legendary gold monkey, said to have supernatural metallurgical properties. There are huge killer monkeys running around. Just go with it.
-Shanghaied ***
Corky is kidnapped by slavers, to fix their boat. Princess Koji spends much of the episode in the bath, then helps our heroes go after her renegade half-brother. A slave girl puts mud on Corky's face. Did i mention that Koji spends much of the episode in the tub?
-Black Pearl ***
Nazis are experimenting on an atom bomb. Jake pretends to be a double agent, and ends up posing as a fencing master on a U-Boat. He sabotages the bomb test, in a way that is historically compelling.
-Legends are Forever ***
An old, irascible pilot buddy (William Lucking) convinces Jake to go on a mission of mercy (which is in reality a hare-brained treasure hunt). Somehow, a tribe of Watusi who may have King Solomon's treasures, are living on a nearby island. It all glamorizes violence too much, but go with it...the lake landing and the fight over the gorge are amazing eye candy.
-Escape from Death Island ***
Jake and Corky fly an Englishman to visit his son on a penal island. A noble deed lands them in chains. Jack runs around, eluding pursuit.
-Trunk from the Past ***
Okay, now we've got Egyptians on one of the Marivellas. Do they have a pyramid? Yup. Just go with it, their worship of Jack as a god is too much fun.
-Honor Thy Brother *
An otherwise lovely episode starring M*A*S*H's favorite Korean, Soon-Tek Oh, darkened by one of Hollywood's most enduring failures, the notion that there are two kinds of women - "pretty" ones and those you demean.
-The Lady and the Tiger ***
Not every series has an episode that is off-the-charts bizarro. Say hello to this'n. Jake crashes on a Pacific island populated by...Amish. Wait, there's more. A troop of Japanese soldiers is stationed there, and their commander dresses and talks like...a wild west cowpoke. Jake is taken in by a widow and her son, and before long she's sucking face with him. The widow? Have some tissues ready for your pants, sci fi fanboys. Anne Lockhart, of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA! And oh yeah, there's a tiger running around. If i tell you i didn't make all that up, would you believe me? The Archipeligo of Time has nothin' on them Marivellas! It's not quite pop culture nirvana, as the messages about "there's a time for killin'" are a bit tough to stomach. But if you want to experience one of the trippiest retro-TV nights, watch this alongside GALACTICA's "The Lost Warrior". Both scripts were penned by Bellisario. I may be the first person in the history of the world to realize this, but i will bet good money that this episode was the result of a wager...someone bet Don he couldn't re-shoot "The Lost Warrior" for GOLD MONKEY, leaving out not a single major plot point.
-The Late Sarah White ***
Sarah supposedly dies, but Jack and Jake don't buy it. Before long, they're knee deep in angry filipinos, a real and a fake MacArthur, and Princess (sigh) Koji.
-The Sultan of Swat **
"Babe Ruth" drops in, on his way to a goodwill tour in China. He's suddenly framed for raping and murdering a dewy and heart-stopping Nia Peeples (WALKER, TEXAS RANGER!). Throw in a little James T. Callahan (CHARLES IN CHARGE) for good measure. It's sappy and violent and void of deftness, but Roddy McDowall shines.
-Ape Boy **
Our heroes crash, and find an island boy raised by apes. They struggle over whether to bring him to civilization, while Princess Koji allows white men to trap him.
-God Save the Queen ***
The Goose delivers a nobleman to the Queen Victoria, and our heroes get caught up in a royal revenge scheme to blow up the ship (and the ex-king Duke of Windsor). Excitement worthy of a pilot (episode, not aviator), plus a not-exactly credited appearance by Bubba Smith. He and James Avery (FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR) sport cockney accents, and actually get away with it.
-High Stakes Lady ***
Jake agrees to accompany a woman to a high-stakes poker game. It's romance, international intrigue, betrayal, and stolen Japanese plans.
-Force of Habit ***
An ex-girlfriend now a nun with a secret, a stolen clipper plane, a cache of gold...
-Cooked Goose ***
The seaplane explodes, and a passed-out Corky is blamed. A buddy's fiance is kidnapped by mercenaries bearing Princess Koji's emblem. The Princess agrees to help, to clear her name. Marta DuBois makes me feel funny.
-Last Chance Louie **
Very ambitious. Louie shoots a man, and faces the guillotine. A great opportunity sunk by a Hollywood ending and groan-inducing button. With V's Faye Grant.
-Naka Jima Kill ***
A school chum of Sarah's (Kim Cattrall - PORKY'S, SEX IN THE CITY) hires Jake to take her to the Japanese Mandate for an illegal interview. Koji lovers, your "return" on this episode will be considerable.
-Boragora or Bust ***
A local miner strikes it rich, and his claim gets jumped. Wonderful action.
-A Distant Shout of Thunder **
It never gels, as this tale of native religion turning against the French occupation has the malodorous whiff of paternalistic, colonial condescencion.
-Mourning Becomes Matuka ***
A Koji-heavy episode primed me for a starburst of a series finale. It falls a bit short (and of course, the creators had no idea it was the finale). Koji's life is threatened, and Jake agrees to be her bodyguard. After a staged death, all of the bathing screentime goes to Koji's opportunistic sister. Which isn't a sad thing in and of itself...ah well, when all was said and done, it was Jake and Koji who did the vertical mambo, not Sarah. That ain't nothin'. The final cockpit scene with Corky is pretty sweet, too.