Star Trek, season 1

(It was hard adhering to the rating system set up for the other TREK series'. So many of these episodes are SO resonant, it seemed criminal to give less than four stars. Harry mudd...evil kirk? Come on! The price of being iconic. I sucked it up and was exceedingly strict.)
FOUR-STAR EPISODES: 9
AVERAGE EPISODE RATING: 3.2
-The Cage ****
-written by gene roddenberry
-directed by robert butler
I kept checking myself to make sure it isn't just historical fascination that makes this one so entrancing. STAR TREK's original pilot - exciting, layered, imaginative...and rejected by the network. Jeffrey hunter (THE SEARCHERS, KING OF KINGS) plays captain christoper pike, in events set thirteen years before the original. The only classic character is leonard nimoy as spock, a more emotional vulcanian junior officer. Majel barrett (later nurse chapel, lwaxana troi, and the voice of the computer) is first officer. John hoyt (SPARTACUS, GIMME A BREAK!) is the crusty, lovable doc. Enterprise finds a group of marooned scientists who have a young woman (susan oliver - PEYTON PLACE, BUTTERFIELD 8) among them. But it's an illusory trap to lure pike into an alien menagerie, where they hope he'll mate with vina, the only actual survivor. The huge-brained aliens are classic sci fi perfection. Pike is forced to live out images from his mind. When he resists, number one and a yeoman (laurel goodwin - GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!, PAPA'S DELICATE CONDITION) are captured, to give him more mating choices. Some of the fighting is classically underchoreographed...quick, um, throw something! Which, come to think of it, is preferable to the overchoreographed crap we're currently blighted with. Plus an orion slave!
-Where No Man Has Gone Before ****
-written by samuel l. peeples
-directed by james goldstone
An outrageously good (second) pilot. There's a new cap'n in town, by name of james r. kirk...plus an engineer named scotty, a science department head named sulu, and a doctor named, uh, piper. The Enterprise breaks the energy barrier at the edge of the galaxy. Kirk's Academy friend, gary mitchell (gary lockwood - 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, THE LIEUTENANT) acquires shining eyes and expanding psionic/intellectual powers. Psychotherapist elizabeth dehner (sally kellerman - M*A*S*H, BACK TO SCHOOL) argues against those who see gary as a threat...but she's on her way to glowing eyes too. Can kirk kill his friend? Will he lose his shirt trying?
-The Corbomite Maneuver ****
-written by jerry sohl
-directed by joseph sargent
The first regular-season episode sees sulu move to helm, plus the debuts of mccoy, uhura, and yeoman rand (grace lee whitney - SOME LIKE IT HOT, IRMA LA DOUCE). Enterprise encounters...a cube!!! No, really. They're captured by superior aliens, and only a bluff saves them. The aliens turn out to be the delightful young clint howard (COCOON, AUSTIN POWERS 1-3). Plus ted cassidy (THE ADDAMS FAMILY) as the voice of balok.
-Mudd's Women ***
One of the most deliciously outsized antagonists in the TREK universe - harry mudd! Played by roger c. carmel (BREEZY, MYRA BRECKINRIDGE), he's a shady smuggler transporting women to an isolated mining settlement, who falls into Enterprise's custody. With burnt-out lithium crystals, Enterprise needs what the miners have. The miners? They wants the women. But are they what they seem? The ending is perhaps the most pro-feminist moment in classic TREK.
-The Enemy Within **
Good kirk vs. evil kirk!! Plus evil space dog! The most troubling, embarrassing TREK ever. It's four-star, one-star, and everything in between. A transporter accident splits kirk, while sulu and the boys freeze on the planet below. Rand is nearly raped...and the smirking comments are morally appalling. I know some scientists say rape is more than an immoral aberration, and they may be right, but...the winking attitude employed here is just reprehensible. The fact that grace lee whitney suffered sexual harassment and possible rape before being dropped from the show, lends an even more disturbing tinge. This episode proposes a paradigm in which our "evil" side is needed in order to be an assertive human whole. But what if that's psychological hooey? What if the horrors of the past ten millennia are just a reflection of a species cut off from its natural intimacy, sharing, and sexuality? No Trek episode is more flawed...yet the best moments, with shatner in full-on evil mode, are as resonant and entertaining as anything TREK ever did.
-The Man Trap *
Enterprise makes a routine check on two isolated scientists, one of whom is mccoy's old flame. Crew members start dying of salt depletion. In kirk's first scene of this first episode ever aired, he lays a smile on mccoy so smarmy that gandhi would punch him in the nose. Then some crew members act leeringly icky. One of uhura's best scenes ever, talking to a swahili-speaking impostor. One of the things that made classic TREK so brilliant (a touch that was rather lost on subsequent series), was how they incorporated mundanity into the midst of the extraordinary...like nibbling snacks on the bridge. The ending, however, undermines a fine effort - rather than trying to understand and coexist with a hostile alien, our heroes can't laser-zap it quickly enough. Die, evil thing!
-The Naked Time ***
The crew is exposed to a virus that causes inebriation. Half-naked sulu swashbuckles! Chapel loves spock! Spock cries. Lt. riley (bruce hyde - DR. KILDARE, THE CONFESSION OF LEE HARVEY OSWALD) hysterically takes over the engine room, and sends the ship into a decaying orbit. The slapping scene between kirk and spock is classic.
-Charlie X **
Enterprise transports a teen with alien-endowed powers (robert walker jr. - EASY RIDER, ENSIGN PULVER) who grew up cut off from human society. Uhura sings, a beautiful song. Spock oh spock, he plays along. The writing is amateurish, but the ending, where charlie is forced to live forever with emotionless aliens, is terrifying. 
-Balance of Terror ****
-written by paul schneider
-directed by vincent mceveety
The tight, claustrophobic introduction of the romulans. Enterprise plays cat and mouse with a cloaked vessel raiding Federation outposts. A wrong move will start a war. The brilliance of this episode lies in making the romulan commander (mark lenard - STAR TREK I,III,IV,VI, ANNIE HALL) jaded and war-weary.
-What Are Little Girls Made Of? ****
-written by robert bloch
-directed by james goldstone
Kirk and chapel beam down to a planet where a scientist, her former fiance, has been lost for years. He takes them prisoner, and tries to explain the benefits of replacement android bodies for all humans. Serving him are ruk (ted cassidy - BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID, GENESIS II), one of the most ominous TREK villains, and andrea (sherry jackson - MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY, GUNN), one of the most beautiful TREK women. Can kirk confuse her circuitry? Is there an android kirk running around? The first TREK red-shirt death?
-Dagger of the Mind ***
A deranged escapee from a penal colony (a roaring performance by morgan woodward - COOL HAND LUKE, HILL STREET BLUES) is caught on Enterprise. Mccoy discovers he's a doctor, and begins to doubt the colony's story. Kirk beams down, and is caught in the neural neutralizer of famed humanitarian dr. adams (james gregory - BARNEY MILLER, BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES). The first-ever mind meld. Dr. helen noel (marianna hill - HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER, THE GODFATHER PART II) is kirk's love interest, a part originally intended for the departed yeoman rand.
-Miri ***
Too dark to air in England. Enterprise finds a planet identical to Earth, down to the architecture and language (which ceases to fascinate them after about two minutes). Only children have survived a plague that gives them an incalculably long lifespan, until they die horribly upon reaching puberty. The away team contracts the disease, and must race time to win the trust of the children and find an antidote. Containing perhaps the most hysterical TREK line ever - kirk's "NO BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!". There's also a sexual tension between kirk and an adolescent (a nuanced performance by kim darby - TRUE GRIT, BETTER OFF DEAD...) that never would have passed the soulless FCC in the decades since.
-The Conscience of the King ***
That...was fucking bizarre. A mass murderer may be in hiding as a shakespearean actor. Making sense of the psychological moves and non-moves is head-scratching, and that's without tossing in a bat-shit crazy daughter. The first debate between kirk, spock, and mccoy, plus a swinging big band version of the the theme that is off-the-scale wild. And the origins of double secret probation are finally understood, as kirk orders the ship to...DOUBLE RED ALERT!!
-The Galileo Seven ***
Spock is in command of a shuttle that crashes on an inhospitable planetoid. Natives attack, and his logical responses clash with the emotional needs of the crew (mostly, they act like whiny asshats).
-Court Martial **
Computer records show that kirk is culpable in a negligent death. He is defended in court by the crusty samuel t. cogley (elisha cook jr. - THE MALTESE FALCON, BLACULA), who uses real books(!). Is commander finney dead? Simpering feminine cliché and plot holes push this precariously near badness...to say nothing of the suspect notion that 23rd-century humyns might employ an adversarial judicial system, where winning is more important than truth.
-The Menagerie 1&2 ****
-written by gene roddenberry
-directed by marc daniels, robert butler
Crisp. Smart. Spock commandeers the ship, setting it on an unchangeable course for Talos, the only planet in the galaxy off-limits - under punishment of death. He takes Enterprise's recently maimed former captain, chris pike. Commodore mendez convenes an onboard court martial, during which testimony is shown of the only contact with Talos (footage from the unaired pilot), thirteen years before. Enjoy majel in her moments of command...and why didn't they have her in the courtroom as chapel, tending pike and watching "herself"?
-Shore Leave ***
A weary crew finds an idyllic planet where their daydreams come to life. Kirk facing up to the Academy cadet who bullied him (bruce mars - STAGECOACH, MARYJANE), is unforgettable. There are also talking rabbits, a knight, a tiger, and strafing zeroes. The manifestations are an entertainment relic of a lost civilization. WHY did no other live series return to this planet? Some fascinating touches...like kirk enthusiastically assuming spock is massaging his back.
-The Squire of Gothos ****
-written by paul schneider
-directed by don mcdougall
Enterprise crewmembers are abducted by a foppish alien able to manipulate matter, who has a fascination for 18th-century Earth. He forces them to entertain him. William campbell's (LOVE ME TENDER, PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW) outsized performance as trelane is one of the signature guest TREK turns of all time.
-Arena ***
Kirk vs. gorn!! James (that's "t." now) and an alien captain whose ship has massacred an Earth colony are both abducted by a superior race, and forced to go mano a lizard. It's actually intelligent sci fi, but the primitive rubber suit is classic, just classic. Also notable for an opening scene featuring howlingly awful writing and acting, reminiscent of the forced laughter that early TREK ended an episode with once or twice.
-The Alternative Factor **
A mysterious alien who seems to have two personalities appears, in conjunction with a rupture in space and time. Can SOMEONE institute some security protocols on this ship? Anyone? Bonus comedic points for redshirts watching their captain get his ass kicked.
-Tomorrow is Yesterday ***
Enterprise is accidentally hurled back to 1967 Earth. A jet fighter intercepts them, and they beam aboard its pilot (roger perry - THE THING WITH TWO HEADS, THE FEMINIST AND THE FUZZ). How to realign the timeline, and return home? No problem, you sonsabitches, we've got spock. A rich ride full of tension and humor. The overwhelmed security sergeant (hal lynch - STAGECOACH, THE WAY WEST) who gets accidentally beamed aboard, is priceless.
-The Return of the Archons ***
Investigating a lost ship, Enterprise finds a planet ruled by a 6000 year-old computer who represses its subjects with mind control for 23.9 hours a day, and lets them run feral the other six minutes. Sulu gets mellow.
-A Taste of Armageddon ***
The Enterprise is declared destroyed in a planet's simulated war, in which the "casualties" must die. Winner of TREKdom's coveted KWKYA (Kirk Will Kick Your Ass) Award.
-Space Seed ****
-written by gene coon, carey wilber
-directed by marc daniels
Khan. Noonian. Singh. Nuff' said? Okay, i suppose i ought give credit(s) where due - the immortal ricardo montalban (FANTASY ISLAND, THE NAKED GUN) as the genetically-engineered 21st-century superhuman with ambition to match, plus madlyn rhue (OPERATION PETTICOAT, IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD) as the libidinously treasonous lt. marla mcgivers. Awakened from cryosleep on an ancient ship, will khan and his followers take over the Enterprise...and the galaxy?
-This Side of Paradise ***
A tour de force for mr. nimoy. Enterprise investigates a colony being subjected to deadly bertolt rays. The colonists are unexpectedly alive, subject to spores that make people peaceful, loving, and uninterested in technology or exploration. Spock and leila (jill ireland - SHANE, THE VALACHI PAPERS) tenderly fall for each other. The conceit that kirk is the only one who can withstand the spores' effects is a bit of a whopper, but watching spock experience joy and love, then deal with their loss, is a wonder to behold.
-The Devil in the Dark ****
-written by gene coon
-directed by joseph pevney
Enterprise arrives at Janus 6, where miners have been dying. They discover a silicon-based creature who is simply protecting her eggs. A fantastic meditation on diversity, and understanding over violence.
-Errand of Mercy ***
On the brink of war, the Federation and klingons vie for control of Organia, whose peaceful, simplistic denizens are unfazed. Both sides posture and threaten, until the organians intercede. Far from being pacifist simpletons, they are superior spirit-beings who finally impose peace. Intelligent sci fi about colonialism and the limits of imagination. The first klingon? John colicos (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, DEEP SPACE NINE)!
-The City on the Edge of Forever ****
-written by harlan ellison
-directed by joseph pevney
On a planet with an ancient time portal, mccoy is accidentally injected with a madness-inducing drug. He is flung into Earth's past, and suddenly the Enterprise no longer exists. Kirk and spock follow, to rectify what happened. They meet edith keeler (joan collins - DYNASTY, THE BITCH), a social worker in 1930 who was never meant to live to prevent America's entry into the second world war. Kirk falls in love, and they realize mccoy must be prevented from saving her life. A searing, beautiful achievement, taken from a story by harlan ellison.
-Operation - Annihilate! ***
Kirk's brother is found dead, and Enterprise must stop a plague of oversized amoebas from possessing human hosts and spreading insanity and death throughout the galaxy. Spock becomes infected. Hmmm...they eradicate the amoebas, even though they might be part of a larger consciousness. A regression back into "evil-aliens-must-die"?