cierra

WOMEN 60
An actress i met at a statewide cattle-call in Tampa. She was of Mediterranean descent, in her mid-twenties. I told her that i couldn’t get a read on her energy when we met. She revealed that she had been bugged out, because she had dreamt about me. In her dream i'd been wearing blue. When she first saw me i was wearing a cow costume, but within moments i had stripped down to a blue shirt. She said prophetic dreams were common for her. Early on, i read her a poem of mine, about my fantasy woman. She became quiet, and said that a friend of hers would call, and that i was to read the poem to the friend. I did so, then called Cierra back. She said that she'd been once again bugged out, because of how my words had so eerily described her. It was also disconcerting to her how quickly she shared with me her deepest secrets. She was very talented and purposeful, and i discovered that she had lived through rape and incestual molestation as a child. This gave me pause, as i wanted to stop falling for the wounded ones. But i began visiting her (a three-hour drive). We proceeded very quickly to cuddling. She marveled at my ability to spend the night with her without trying to have sex. It was so peaceful and amazing, how soundly she slept (and awoke) with my arms around her. The sexual pull was strong. We disrobed more and more, kissing and caressing. She was the first girl i ever knew who was into pain/pleasure, and she soon had me biting her. She taught me how to bite without leaving a hickey. I loved how it made her feel, but wasn’t sure i wanted her to reply in kind. She said that she wasn’t normally partial to kissing and tongue work, but that she liked it with me. She said that it had been a long time since anyone, man or woman, had affected her like me. I was a little perplexed at how quickly she was moving to thoughts of setting up a life together. I shared with her some of my romantic memoirs, and her reaction was profound. She was shocked that i would even write them for myself, much less share them with anyone. She felt horrified for the girls, that information like this might get out into the public. She said i could be sued. For all our similarities, we had discovered one very profound difference; she was an intensely private person, and i was intensely not. For the next six weeks she beat on me emotionally, semi-consciously trying to drive me away because she was afraid of her feelings...that despite everything she still wanted me. In a strange way, my unprivate side also attracted her. She was inclined to break her relationship rules with me. I accepted her emotional batterings with patience; for me, we were still just getting to know each other. She thought my protests along those lines were bullshit, and that my hesitancy was a signal that i didn't feel as strongly. I’d like to think that premise was shaky, but i can’t say for sure. Our romance fell apart under the pressures, though. We tried to stay friends, but even that fell apart when she met and married someone that same year. One of our sweetest memories was a night at her house. I hadn’t intended to come, as i had work to do for an audition, but she implored me so ardently i relented. A condition of my coming was that she give me an hour to work when i arrived. I sat down on her couch with my papers. She sat nearby. After a few minutes, she began to undress me. I didn’t acknowledge or assist her in any way, so she really had to work to achieve her goal. We were soon holding each other. One of the nicest moments of my life.