Treasure Island!

THEATER 46
-winter 1999
The Pirate Playhouse next staged a new adaptation by Vernon Morris. Directing was B.H. Barry, one of the world's premier fight choreographers, and a very enthusiastic and fun fellow. His last project had been Disney's MULAN, and this was his first time directing. Vernon, also a Brit, came to play Blind Pew and Merry. He and i got on very well. I was cast as Allerdyse and O'Brien. In the flashback that opens the play, Allerdyse is the last underling to be killed, notable for his long, blonde hair (by curious coincidence, i was the only actor in the cast with long, blonde hair). O'Brien was one of the two chief pirate fighters. The set consisted of rolling platforms, which could be rapidly rearranged by the cast to become a dock, ship, or fort. These were complemented by a rope system, which became the ship's rigging. Actors would climb the ropes, and someone (me) climbed all the way into the flies. Barrels complemented the platforms. We had a working cannon, and authentic muskets and pistols that fired. We had spiders that dropped onto the audience, and a hidden water cannon to spray them…it was an astoundingly visceral production. Several actors from ANDROCLES were back. My buddy Jason played Dirk, the plucky pirate. Robert Schelhammer played Black Dog and another pirate. In one of the early scenes, he had to wear an ungodly cumbersome coat, and he received an award for "best use of an actor by a costume". Lou Talley was back, as a pirate. Charles was Long John Silver. His presence was still impressive, but there was some grumbling about how he should be as dedicated to his craft as he was to sexing up his local girlfriend. Steve Wise played the doctor, very neatly. Steve Smith played Tom and the shanty singer. Ten year-old Alex Doud, Dill in MOCKINGBIRD last year, played Jim. Newcomer Ford Austin played the Allerdyse-killing captain and Israel Hands, the other primary show fighter (he was also a child Sleestak actor, something i didn't learn until years later). We got along well, and our fight scene was one of the most amazing pieces of theater i've ever done, a drunken battle ranging over the entire ship. It starts out friendly, and ends in deadly rage. Swinging on ropes (me), kipping off the deck (him)...i eventually gut him and toss him over. I walk to the other end of the ship to drink, as he crawls back onboard. With a shout, he hurls a dagger at me (in the half-light, Ford dropped the dagger behind his back before "throwing"; i spin, bringing up another dagger i had palmed, which i plant in my chest). I die. It all happened so fast that no audience member ever figured out how we did it, even though they were less than ten feet away, on three sides. Alex comes out of hiding, and is chased by Ford. He escapes by zipline, and Ford finally dies. Alex ends up near me, and i suddenly grab his ankle with one last scream. It was all just stunning. With our semi-clad state, the tech girls described the scene as the show's sex appeal, and one of them even described a moist response she sometimes had. B.H. assured me that playing this part would get me laid. Our swords were fantastic. Made of a lightweight metal, we each had our own. In rehearsal, i cut the underside of Ford's foot when his timing was a hair off. We also found a bizarre connection, in that our favorite exercise was handstand pushups, an exercise i had "invented". We did them during rehearsal breaks. There were nine fights in all, including one big one that featured the whole cast. We rehearsed them for a month, and B.H. was brilliant. I had my hair in a topknot as O'Brien. Doc Watson played Captain Smollett (a part i had coveted). Using a Scottish brogue, he did a truly wonderful job, and we got along very well. He shared music with me, and told me i should get to New York to let some agent get ahold of me. Newcomer Rich played Squire Trelawney, with delightfully cheeky over-the-top elan. Newcomer Scott played castaway Ben Gunn and the despised first officer. I was the instrument of his death, flipping him overboard onto a sliding sled, a great bit of choreography. He was delightful as Ben. During the preview performance, his white wig got caught in the pulleys, stranding him fifteen feet up. Leslie Linford, an authentic Scot, was the only woman in the cast, playing Jim's mother and a pirate. She was wonderful fun to be around. She and Doc shared a house, which became my favorite place to visit. The show was incredible, and in the face of some horrible-sounding circumstances. A powerful sickness swept through the cast, with fever and nausea so widespread we had to cancel one performance...Charles had it so bad one night that we almost literally supported him on and off. Scott developed a liver infection. Vernon was deathly sick, with what turned out to be much more serious health problems. Ford pulled his rib muscles, and incredibly painful and slow-healing injury. I turned my ankle during a pre-show warmup so badly that i was on crutches for a week. Ford graciously stated that the accident was due to him; i wasn’t certain. We had to shorten our fight a few times. But in the face of all this, the show was just so incredible to perform. The effect on audiences was unprecedented, they were just stunned at the physicality. It was action they were used to in movies, but to have it live and only a few feet away…you could hear their gasps, and feel their amazement. B.H. warned us many times to indulge in NO "arrrh" acting. The most imitated line of the show was Charles' "I gives ya' me affy-davy" (affidavit). Goofy affy-davys were flying around everywhere. Ford and i were in newspaper photos, and in a recreation of our fight on local TV. We all had to learn many sea shanties, and Steve Smith received a bit of abuse for overacting. I also received abuse for one of my lines, "Alright mates, over the side with him!" I had the damndest time coming up with a good reading, and it became a running joke. I even passed the line off once or twice, and in one of our last performances, i opened my mouth to say it, and all my pirate castmates shouted it in unison (pig-fucking bastards). I had a shanty solo, "Hangin' Johnny", before my big fight. Ford improvised a new verse one night after i died, singing "The Squire and Dirk in the cabin…". He never got to sing the next line, and was smilingly warned not to by B.H. It was funny because of Rich's foppishly effete behavior and large stature, and Jason's tiny, cute stature. Ford and i found another connection - a few years before, we had both auditioned (without meeting) to be the Bucks County Coffee boy, which i ended up doing for a year. After the show, he returned to NY, and i sent him a Playmobile pirate that looked like him, but i never heard back. Even though there was talk of the show touring, we never did, partly because union rules forbade taping, which hampered selling the show. I fell in love with Ford's backstage smoking jacket, a gaudy samurai-jungle affair which he pulled out of the costume shop. After the show it became the only thing i've ever stolen in my adult life (i used my low wages to rationalize it). Even after all our grueling ordeals, i don't think anybody wanted it to end. I would have given a year to tour the show, and i can't think of any other relatively minor part i would do that for. It was the kind of amazing that some actors go a lifetime without experiencing.