rape dream

I had a rape wet dream last night...
This is quite curious. For one thing, i haven't had a wet dream in years, and i've been masturbating at least once a day all week (contrast that with a two-week holiday i took this year in which i had no sex of any kind, yet no nocturnal emissions).
The greater curiosity however, is that it may have been the first rape dream of my life. I remember no other...and i've been having sex dreams for over thirty years. I was the rapist, in case it occurs to you to wonder (it almost didn't occur to me that you might, which tells you about my assumptions). Since we remember only a fraction of our dreams, it's possible that i've had such dreams before. Perhaps even statistically likely. Yet i can say with certainty that it's my first rape wet dream, as i've never not woken up just as i'm about to come. Perhaps it's a long shot, but i'm inclined to think this was my first rape dream. It was just too singular and intense.
And rather searingly beautiful.
Here's what i remember. I was in some sort of building, perhaps a very large house. It was after dark. I became aware of two other people in the house. They seemed to be partners, one man and one woman. I realized they were burglars...or was it I who was the burglar? Isn't it bizarre that i can't recall? I'm pretty sure it was them though, and i may even have been some kind of security. I got the drop on them. The male, an older man, went to some other part of the house. The woman was in her twenties, caucasian with short brown wavy hair. I held her facedown. I must have taken her clothes off, as suddenly she's naked. She has a beautiful, toned physique with amazing skin, and breasts that melt my mind. Wanting to secure her so i can deal with other things, i wrap her wrists and upper arms behind her back with blue masking tape. With such weak tape, she's bound to break free. The tape tears a bit, but holds. I'm tussling with her on the floor, and it becomes intensely sexual. Almost as soon as my erect penis brushes against her, i feel myself coming, and wake up.
Rape - perhaps the most morally revolting human act. Yet the moment i felt her naked form against me, i knew i could never want anything else in the world. She was resisting, but not like she could have. Was she on some level a willing participant? So many women have rape fantasies. Some even act them out. Is it all mental sickness? Probably, but that's too easy an answer. We are sexual beings, living in a repressed society. Of course we're all a little insane. And there are levels to that we've only begun to understand - one scientific theory holds that rape has a natural evolutionary function.
It's probably not coincidental that before i went to sleep last night, i had started writing about a recent almost-romance in which i came more face to face with raw insanity than anything i've ever experienced. It was traumatic and terrifying.
And yet...if i could go back to that dream tonight, i would. If i had the option of living there forever, i'd consider it long and hard.
Does it say nothing good about me that this woman was so physically beautiful? We are all damaged in ways we've only begun to understand - so dehumanized and objectified that probably none of us will ever have a truly healthy relationship, sexual or otherwise.
And i had a rape dream. How about you?