not-ends 31

You know those claddagh rings? The ones you turn outward or inward, depending on your romantic status? I think there's a simpler way. If you want the world to know that you're looking, just unzip your fly. If you're not, zip that baby right up.

When you can't do the right thing, do the wrong thing the right way.

I don't get cow milk. This is a food nature created for baby cows. Why do we feed it to adult humyns? Don't we stop eating baby food around the age of two? At the very least, why isn't the dairy industry humyn-based? Milk created by people FOR people! Wouldn't that be MUCH healthier? But then we couldn't ignore how ridiculous the whole idea is in the first place. Milk...it does a baby cow good.

There are two kinds of people - those who are damaged by what happened, and those who are damaged by what didn't happen.

There are some people you've known forever, and to whom you mention that you love Blueberry Oat Crunch. You go out of your way to mention that you don't like Blueberry Oat, only Blueberry Oat Crunch. And then one day, with an expectant gleam in their eye, they give you a box of Blueberry Oat.

Every time we speak, we should start with the words "forgive me". I don't know how else to expose all the layers of entitlement, conceit, and manipulation that pervade our every utterance from cradle to grave.

Cheerios has just announced its newest flavor. The new recipe features barley and hops. I'll wait a few seconds for everyone to catch up...

The argument for teaching creationism in public schools is best handled by proposing counter-legislation mandating that in all sermons, equal time be given to a scientist pointing out factual flaws, a sociologist pointing out larger perspectives, and a psychologist explaining why people are drawn to belief.

Capitalism kills conscience. Corporate capitalism kills continents.

The greatest spiritual question is not "Is there life after death?" It's "How do we separate what we think we know, from what we wish to know?"

Is there anything more disconcerting than realizing that the person you've fallen for has HORRIBLE taste in romance?