dear jo

Dear jo,
It's taken me a while to share these thoughts with you, because i was embarrassed you could make such a profound impression on me when we first met, but then a day or two later i didn't recognize you.
I think i finally understand why.
It's because when we met, those three or four seconds when you stared at me, you were really THERE. The next time i saw you, you weren't. Don't feel bad - we all go through our whole lives hardly ever being THERE (or seeing anyone who is). We're always partly lost in insecurity, fear, the future, the past...never really 100% present. When someone is actually THERE, it's stunning, almost disturbing. When two or more people are THERE at the same time, it's one of the most beautiful things you'll ever experience. If you've had a taste of it, you spend the rest of your life subconsciously searching for it.
There are very few contexts in which it happens naturally. Probably most mothers looking at their newborn child are THERE (enjoy it mothers, it won't last). Perhaps a few eastern mystics and New Mexico hippies know how to be THERE whenever they damn well please. And lovers in the third hormonal phase of falling in love (deep attachment) are probably THERE a good deal. Nature has constructed us that way, to make us want to fall in love again and again (nature wants babies, and nature is still much, much smarter than we). Sadly, in this bizarre culture of emotional isolation, that "in love" allure gets blown out of proportion.
Otherwise, being THERE happens on very rare occasions, when for some bizarre reason perhaps related to mysterious connections to the energy fields of the people around us, our walls drop away and THERE WE ARE. Those moments don't last long, for as i've said, they can be disturbing, almost frightening (to others and ourselves).
When our moment happened, i was dumbstruck by your beauty, Jo. Anyone who is even a tiny bit emotionally alive would have been - it was the beauty that's in us all, waiting to be free. I don't know whether you were conscious of what you were doing...actually looking at me. I don't feel so bad about not recognizing you the following time. If you have any idea how you did it, and you want me to follow you around like a puppy, look at me like that again sometime.
lovingly,
wrob