rape porn

I recently experienced one of erotica's sub-genres for the first time - rape porn.
It's not surprising that i'd made it this far without being exposed. For a feminist who has almost always been hyper-sensitive to the myriad forms of violence against women, the idea of an entire branch of entertainment founded on romanticizing the most traumatic, horrifying personal assault, is little short of repulsive.
So try to imagine how i feel, knowing that i kind of liked it?
Maybe not as bad as you think. I know the value of self-acceptance, and understand that my own sexuality has been irreparably damaged by this repressed, self-loathing society. No matter how much i escape the guilt and shame that was drummed into me, nothing will ever erase those decades of sexual deprivation.
Yes, i liked the film. Yes, i watched it several times, often with an erection in my hand. It's okay, i was alone, nobody got hurt.
What kind of adult does a teen with zero sexual outlets become? If you get through life without abusing, having a fetish or sado-masochistic bent or preference maladaption, engaging in prostitution, or being an addict (sexual or otherwise), you're a rare cat.
And i don't even like porn! But that's perhaps about artistic merit, as i adore a quality NC-17 film. And the acting and production values in this film were superb. I don't speak japanese, but i have a hunch the dialogue was realistic.
It's even possible that rape porn can be healthy, in the big picture...providing an innocent release for millions upon millions of damaged individuals. Indeed, it's not even strictly a male phenomenon. Even if there aren't ANY wimyn who watch rape porn (let's not kid ourselves), how many have rape fantasies? It doesn't mean they want to be raped (except those who do...there's little in the current sexual landscape that's either pretty or tidy).
Should rape porn even be classified as a sub-genre of erotica? Couldn't it just as easily be classified a sub-genre of violence cinema? As much as i'm turned off by slasher films or body-count action flicks, do i want to live in a world with no violent films? Probably not (though i'd be happy to try). Am i horrified to live in a country where every child will have seen 1,600 television murders by the time they're eighteen? Wait, that can't possibly be right...ah, it's not. The number is actually 16,000. Anthony hopkins recently came out against the "pornography of violence" in film, saying he's done with it. You're a little late to the party, mr. lecter, with your Oscar and your millions...but thanks. And in the meantime, no one's disproven the theory that violent images provide a form of cathartic release, perhaps even making some people less aggressive.
So i liked a little rape porn. What kind, you ask? A product of 70s Japan. Something about a female teacher in front of students. Give me a break, i'm barely able to resist ANY kind of asian woman. And she wanted to be raped! After the first uninvited one, she spent the rest of the movie putting herself in almost any situation likely to end in rape. I know, i know...it was probably written by a man, and no child should be within a thousand miles of such offal. And i'm happy to put it behind me. At the end of the aforementioned 48 hours, i unceremoniously tossed it, mostly because i didn't want to train my brain with those images any longer. Four days later, i'm happy to announce that i haven't run back to that trash can.
Not even once.