masturbation montage 4

The women i dream of, when dreams are all there is...
Continuing to be in touch with the sexual repression, denial, and damage in this society (and my own in particular), there has lately been a higher-than-normal percentage of unobtainable women in my fantasies...women currently out of reach, or past lovers that almost or never were...
ALMOONA
A woman i left behind in NY (but we still maintain occasional written contact), with whom the act of hugging triggered a rush of endorphins, dopamine, and other such feel-good brain chemicals, like nothing i'd ever known. Old-fashioned and fundamentalist, you'd be hard-pressed to find a woman less compatible...though apart from core values, we get along delightfully. If she told me that god had created us for each other, i'm  pretty sure i'd be anything she asked. Which is pretty crazy. But how do you turn away from possibly the greatest physical relationship of your life (and for me that definition includes the spiritual), without shredding your own spirit into pieces? THIS is the kind of choice our society offers? Ignorant savages, are we. Knowing the level of attraction we shared means we'd have profoundly healthy babies, i dream of beautiful impregnations. Is it possible my obsession is partly fueled by a failed friendship with a desirable woman who is perhaps the greatest personality match i know? Oh yes.
LAKOTA
A profoundly poetic spirit i once spent months getting to know as a pen pal. The night we met, we had a deliriously beautiful sexual experience, but i backed away from consummation...then the next day, she turned away when i suggested we go slower (i may have even said "start over"). Would i have held back if she hadn't been a single mother? Even though it's possible i made the right choice (in terms of the no-win choices this society provides), i dream of being in our most intense carnal moment, and holding nothing back.
SAVANNAH
A woman almost-but-not-quite impossibly young, who works at my favorite local restaurant. We see each other there once a week, and considering the social restrictions placed on conversation under such circumstances, we've gotten to know each other well. She's buddhist, and homeless after a rift with her fundamentalist christian mother. If she needed a place to live, or wanted me as a platonic friend, i'd be delighted...but she also fills my carnal fantasies, mostly because she's the only one among my three most likely potential lovers, for whom i feel intellectual and physical desire equally.
PERIPHERA
#1 - Rosario, a friend in Argentina with whom i once shared an apartment. There was never anything sexual between us, until we started writing this past year and became spirit lovers. She wants to live in the U.S. again, and i've told her my happy little home is waiting for her...complete with a wedding to allow her to stay as long as she likes. But the immigration restrictions are daunting - i would have to demonstrate sizable financial assets, something i've spent my life avoiding. She's fallen from the center of my fantasies, because she's avoided the question of whether she saw me as more of a brother, way back when.
#2 - A mother and adolescent daughter i once lived with. I had sex with neither of them, but the mother asked me to have a child with her, and the daughter was immensely attracted to me. My current fantasy? I refer you to "Lolita"...and i don't mean sort of, in an ineffectual suburban white boy way. I've fantasized marrying and murdering the mother, to be with the daughter.
#3 - Angela, who is pondering a 1200-mile booty call from NY. We had a mostly dysfunctional affair (but fine potential friendship).