Charlie's Angels, season 5

1) Angel in Hiding ***
For this two-part debut of Angel Julie Rogers (Tanya Roberts - THE BEASTMASTER, A VIEW TO A KILL), the writing is solidly middling. But the episode is elevated by the genuinely creepy performance of coke-bottle eyeglassed Jack Albertson (CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, CHICO AND THE MAN). Plus Christopher Lee! It's also in the running for the most "that guy"-heavy ANGEL episode ever. Shelley Hack's departure is given about one line (they might as well have just said "Yeahhhh...she's gotta go see a guy, about a...thing"). Tanya's backstory has juice - a fashion model raised on the mean streets. Whether we're ready to buy it, is another story. But anyway, the times they are a-changin'...at least a bit. Remember that "once upon a time there were three little girls" intro? The puke-inducingly patronizing one? In this final season, it's gone! Kind of. It's now "three beautiful girls". I'm sure the producers felt very progressive. Now if they had just stopped calling women "girls"...
2) To See an Angel Die **
The crew visit the newly-opened hawaiian branch of the Townsend Agency. Within minutes of arrival, Kris is kidnapped by a family who blame them for killing their runaway mother who committed suicide three years earlier after Kris arrested her for prostitution, then a psychic (Jane Wyman - THE LOST WEEKEND, FALCON CREST) appears and mysteriously leads them to Kris. Whew! Underneath a groaning premise, there's actually some hard-hitting stuff about family dysfunction and the abusive mind.
3) Angels of the Deep **
All the ingredients of an ANGEL feast. Angels in bikinis in paradise, plus...Sonny Bono! And Antonio "Huggy Bear" Fargas (STARSKY AND HUTCH)! Warhol muse Patty D'Arbanville (NEW YORK UNDERCOVER)! And Gary Lockwood (2001, STAR TREK "Where No Man has Gone Before")! Sadly however, the writing and directing? Hackneyed. Ah well. Also, the series debut of local police liaison Lt. Torres - the irrepressible, adorable Soon-Tek Oh (M*A*S*H's greatest serial guest star)!
4) Island Angels ****
Fears of a lame duck final season, begone! The Angels help the police I.D. and apprehend a terrorist assassin, whom they must suss out from amidst a package tour of...resort singles! Yes, absolutely yes. The writing is sharp enough that, even with the unfair advantage of knowing that the killer must be among the recognizable guest stars, most audience members will be chasing red herrings. And oh, what herrings! How about Lyle Waggoner (THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW, WONDER WOMAN) frolicking in the surf one day, then found floating tits up in it the next? Or Randolph Mantooth (EMERGENCY!) as a reclusive doctor? Toss in Barbi Benton (DEATHSTALKER) as the resort entertainment director, and Keye Luke, whose KUNG FU experience doesn't help him escape a hand-to-hand beatdown from Kel! Plus Carol Lynley (THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, eleven FANTASY ISLANDs), cracking an all-boys club with charm and grace. The ride goes on and on. If you're not careful, your laughter will too.
5) Waikiki Angels **
Angels and Oscar Goldman versus Grizzly Adams! Sadly, the reality falls far short. It's undercover lifeguard time, to stop a series of dune buggy attacks/kidnappings, including the obligatory senator's daughter. Either the writer was a full-blown alcoholic passing out of the "functional" stage, or his child finished the writing while Daddy was passed out. Dan Haggerty and Richard Anderson are wasted on a script that has Hell's Angels types dressing and acting more like Brady kids. Patrick (son of John) Wayne is here too. The only thing worth notice is the lifeguard trial. Who'd have thought that Kel would kick Kris and Julie's asses?
6) Hula Angels **
Kris and Julie go undercover in a hula nightclub, after the owner is kidnapped. If an hawaiian lounge singer repeatedly performing "The Beat Goes On" appeals to you, you've found your happy place. Joanna Cassidy (BLADE RUNNER) plays the heavy.
7) Moonshinin' Angels **
Undercover Angels with hillbilly accents? Check. Feudin' families with rival children secretly in love? Check. The greatest single non-verbal windup to a line of dialogue in television history, courtesy of actor Steve Hanks in his first scene? Check. However...are we happy we've left Hawaii? Sigh. We are not. Mid-season report on Tanya: they're giving her more to do than her predecessor...but we're not sure yet whether that's a good thing. In terms of eye candy, it's nice that she has a bit more muscle tone than any previous Angel. It's long overdue, considering that "detective" is an ostensibly physical profession. The Tammy Faye makeup doesn't help, however.
8) He Married an Angel ***
One of the more intricate ANGEL plots ever, as they attempt to convince a con man that Kris is a con woman, and the marriage they're arranging for him is fake (it's not...because his "mark" is actually in love with him, and the Angels decide that these crazy kids should be together for, y'know, life). The intended father-in-law has mob ties. David Hedison (VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA, LIVE AND LET DIE) is his usual fine self.
9) Taxi Angels **
It looks good on paper, with Angels posing as driver, dispatcher, and roller-skating waitress, but it's one of the more listless moments in show history.
10) Angel on the Line *
A too-close inspection of agency security/investigative protocols might make one wonder how Charlie managed to stay in business...or how the Angels generally managed to not, y'know, die. Guest star Bruce Watson is given a plum dual role, but in the end the only message seems to be "transvestites are psychotic AND EVIL". The only merit in this one is historical curiosity, as the action centers around a singles club where every table has a phone that connects to any other table. Oh, those wacky 70s.
11) Chorus Line Angels ***
A little slice of fun, a Broadway revue posing as an ANGELS episode. As disappearances shroud a show preparing for a Vegas audition, Kelly joins the line. She's just as good as she needs to be, and the production numbers are charming enough to make you forget a few plot holes and uninspired moments. Why does the cast look like they're having more fun than any time since Hawaii? Perhaps it's the director...Mr. David Doyle, the only cast member to ever helm an episode. This one also qualifies as the third-most surreal episode ever (after that Bill Bixby LSD trip in season 1, and "Marathon Angels"). Why? Because they finish the big finale, then for no apparent reason...do it again! After a minute of questioning your sanity, you'll figure out that they probably came up a few minutes short in the editing room. Wild.
12) Stuntwomen Angels ***
The best ANGEL episodes were usually two things - silly and sexy. With those done right, any number of sins might be forgiven. In this one, a mysterious archer is shooting people at a movie studio. All three Angels become stuntwomen. It's a little out there, it's a little less than sharp, but it's all fun. Uber-"that guy" Denny Miller notches his third ANGEL appearance.
13) Attack Angels ***
It was a fine line the show walked, between silly and stupid. Often, the difference lay in the luck of chemistry. As Angels investigate high-level deaths in a rising corporation, Julie goes undercover for a company that's been feeding them efficiency experts...only to be hypnotized into becoming their newest assassin! The always deliciously-evil Eric Braeden (THE RAT PATROL, TITANIC) plays her tormentor, Dr. Joyce Brothers has a cameo, and sci fi luminary BarBara Luna plays a hypnosis victim. In Tanya's most shining ANGEL moment, framed within a plot that THE NAKED GUN would be happy to borrow from eight years later, the chemistry is good to her.
14) Angel on a Roll **
A Kris episode with loads of potential. She latches onto a bank thief heading to Vegas with a wrist calculator, but the chemistry never pops.
15) Mr. Galaxy **
Angels, meet beefcake! Beefcake, meet Angel toe! It's long past due that half-naked males get some screen time here. Angels investigate shady doings at a bodybuilding contest. Another episode written  by some grade school contest winner - much of the slick detective work seems to consist of breaking and entering in busy buildings in broad daylight...but deny this fun we cannot. And yes, Tanya gives a country full of sex-starved males the most heart-stopping glimpses of girly bits ill-concealed by wardrobe since Farrah and her national treasure chest. One star lost for Kris' convincing an ex-boxer pacifist that he's a sissy.
16) Let Our Angel Live **
OUT WITH A...well, a whimper, pretty much. How many other iconic shows ended with an, um, clip show? And it's not even a good one, as they barely clip the early seasons. It's a bedside hospital episode, with Kelly again shot in the head. What, did she have a tattoo on her scalp that read "AIM HERE"? The only two moments of real juice are after Kel is shot, and Bosley goes a little medieval on the shooter. Then at the hospital, Kris basically cries out "Where the FUCK is Charlie? His five-year employee was just SHOT in the head!" The choice of shooting victim is unfortunate on other levels, too. Why couldn't Kris or Bos take a turn? And not to be callous, but if Julie had been shot, the final show conversation (and the clips attached thereto) would have been richer, being shared with the three veterans, and we would have been spared having to listen to Tanya, um, speak. Ah well, it is what it is. And what it was, was a hell of a run.