wrob-speak

We think in words.
Ergo, the quality of our language dictates the quality of our thought.
Has a study ever been done to determine which is the highest-quality human language? The most economic, fluid, subtle, and above all - freest of built-in assumptions and value judgments? I'm not sure how English would fare, but moving up a few notches is an easy matter. The following are changes i've implemented in my own writing, or partially implemented, or would like to implement. Some are as smooth and understandable as a smile. Others, not.
1) THE LOWER-CASE "i"
Why is "I" the only personal pronoun to be capitalized regardless of its position in a sentence? That which we capitalize, we deem of greater value. Why elevate "I", but not you, he, she, we, or they? Is it because our society is based on a paradigm of individualism, where acknowledgment and accolades flow to single persons rather than groups (or even humans in general)? The short answer usually has something to do with 13th-century publishing efficiencies, but a deeper look (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/magazine/03wwln-guestsafire-t.html) indicates that there was probably more to it. Perhaps the path to a humanistic world starts with words. Perhaps if "I" were "i", it would be harder to leave anyone behind. Let's agree that "i" isn't more important than "we".
2) NON-CAPITALIZED PERSONAL NAMES
If self-adulation and self-glorification make it easier to marginalize or dehumanize anyone or anything not US, let's drop the self-importance of capitalized personal names. Personal titles, too. I reject the notion that "Wrob Rosenberger" is more important than "sharing". Or "rutabaga". What, "president abraham lincoln" isn't dignified enough? Perhaps honest abe would be the first to embrace a more humble approach.
3) NON-CAPITALIZED GROUPS OF PEOPLE
Tensions between China and India, Arab and Jew, or Whig and Tory, will feel subtly, inherently less imperative if we take away more capitalizations. Doesn't some of this stuff feel kind of random anyway? What, "neo-Nazi" deserves capitalization, but not "nudist"? All these terms are ultimately no more than ideas in our heads. Does anyone really want to live in a world where "German" is more important than "human"?
4) NON-GENDER-SPECIFIC PERSONAL PRONOUNS
It is unacceptable that i cannot refer to someone impersonally without declaring like a mute klaxon the nature of their genitals. There is a time for genitals...and there is a time for just being a person. We need a single word which can be substituted for either "she" or "he". How about "fe"? We need a single word to replace both "him" and "her". How about "erm"? Instead of "her" or "his", how about "ers" (rhymes with "purrs")? I've pondered these words from numerous angles, and have concluded that there's no perfect solution. "Ee" would be a more consistent choice than "fe", but we'd sound like aussies talking about a man..."fe" is closer to "he" in letter-count, but it's also the first half of "female", which balances things (or even tips things a bit in the female direction, which after the past ten thousand years is acceptable). And yes, "ers" sounds like "hers", but that's a distinction which will fade quickly.
5) RYLE'S "MY"
Phenomenologist gilbert ryle wrote about "systematically-misleading expressions", language structures which contain built-in lies or erroneous assumptions. The most pernicious one involves use of the word "my". "My" implies ownership, but we often use it in situations where it should imply identity instead. Ought the phrase "my pencil" have the same relationship of self-to-object as the phrase "my hand"? To talk about "my hand" is to posit the existence of some "me" which is distinct from my hand. But my hand isn't something i OWN, it's something i AM. This is my only tentative language change, because human biological knowledge is still profoundly incomplete. People who believe in an immortal soul would never offer a peep of complaint over "my hand"...but there are also rational, non-religious folk who give testimony to out-of-body experiences. Objections notwithstanding, "my hand" is too obviously rooted in primitive superstition to not be changed, at least provisionally. Phrases like "my pencil" and "my tax form" are fine. Phrases like "my elbows" or "my grumpiness" are henceforth changed to (in my case) "wrob-elbows" and "wrob-grumpiness". Correspondingly, phrases with other possessive pronouns may also require amending, as in "those days are over, you don't have to sell roxanne-body to the night". For more on me and ryle, go to http://nakedmeadow.blogspot.com/2008/12/damned-ryle.html. If full wrob-speak is more than you can handle on this one, a stopgap measure is to circumstantially substitute "this" for "my", as in "this body is tired".
WROB-SPEAK SAMPLES

Good friend for jesus sake forbeare
To digg the duste encloased heare
Blese be the man that spares these stones
And curst be he that moves shakespeare-bones
-the bard's epitaph

Sally in the garden
Siftin' cinders
Lifted sally-leg
And farted like a man
The bursting of ers bloomers broke sixteen winders
The cheeks of sally-ass went blam blam blam
-kurt vonnegut

When i, a thoughtful and unblessed presbyterian, examine the Koran, i know that beyond any question every mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, fe knows that beyond any question i am spiritually insane. I cannot prove to erm that fe is insane, because you never can prove anything to a lunatic--for that is a part of ers insanity and the evidence of it. Fe cannot prove to me that i am insane, for twain-mind has the same defect that afflicts ers. All democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it; none but the republicans and mugwumps know it. All the republicans are insane, but only the democrats and mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
-mark twain

You're here, there's nothing i fear
And i know that celine-heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in celine-heart
And celine-heart will go on and on