bug-eyed

(WARNING: the following employs comedic exaggeration, but not nearly as much as 99% of you will think)

Know how to turn a woman into a bug-eyed deer caught in the universe's headlights?
Declare your intent to love her.
Her shock and confusion will allow you to approach her. Once you get close, you might be granted a few weeks during which she figures you out. Once she realizes you have no desire other than to love her, she'll know that proceeding any further will allow you to find out how fucked up she is. The last glimpse you will have of her is the flash of a bushy tail as she bounds off into life's thicket.
Romance novels.
Lies.
Chick flicks.
Lies.
Lies so devious the deceivers are deceived.
There is one woman in this world who desires to be loved. She lives in Manitoba, is slyly flatulent, and wears one of them flappy hats. Unless your name is Ralph Meeker or Jojobu Tsangwe, you will not be dealing with her today. Unless you are Ralph or Jojobu, do NOT declare your intent to love any woman you face today.
Declare your intent to enable her. This will bring her great comfort.
Declare your intent to fuck her. She'll know how to handle that.
Declare your intent to subsidize her. She'll offer you her body, and secretly resent you.
Declare your intent to cage her. She'll scamper in gladly (as she palms your spare key).
Pity her? Absolutely.
Pity yourself? Probably.
And if you think you have it bad, try to imagine the living hell of a woman declaring her intent to love a man.