sisteripples

Do we attract specific realities with the power of our thoughts?
Does life send us messages?
Such musings are generally a haven for the feeble-minded. But there are moments...
Within one week of writing an article about all the brown-pigmented women who have ever been connected with me romantically or sexually (http://nakedmeadow.blogspot.com/2011/05/sisters-sisters.html), i had a perfect storm of black women swirl into my life on the very same day. I have one close black female friend, whom i talk with perhaps once a month. In other words, days, weeks, and sometimes months go by when i have no intimate contact with a black woman at all.
And again, pardon my temporary diversion into pigment-awareness. I normally could write ten pages about a friend and leave you no clue as to their skin (or even gender). This skin is not who we are.
But black woman coincidence had a field day in my life, the very same week i spent hours writing about black women.
I had a rainy day morning moving job in Brooklyn. My partners were late, so for the better part of an hour i worked alone with the client. She was so adorable it almost hurt. Bright-eyed intelligence with a smile so warm and genuine. She had natural hair about two inches long...a quality that all by itself will have me following any such black woman around like a puppy. An instant comfort level in our connection made for more open talk than normal in a professional setting. Did she know that i found her adorable? Yup. Would we have flirted, had she not been newly-married? Throughout the move, whenever our team broke up, she and i were together.
After eight hours of sharing her energy, i went home and awaited my "date". I met that evening with a friend of a friend of a friend, an introductory meeting that had been set up with procreation in mind. This woman wanted very much to have a baby. She needed a father, not a daddy. She had tried IVF unsuccessfully, and was coming around to the idea that we "play god" with our bodies at our (and our offspring's) peril...an idea i happily reinforced, sharing with her all i had learned about the newest science of sexuality. She wanted natural conception, and was open to having me be as little or as much a part of this child's life as i might want. As i get closer to embracing the notion that raising children may not be a part of my life, opportunities such as this have been on my mind.
We talked for four hours. It was comfortable and easygoing, for the most part. She said so many of the right things. She's an educator from central Jersey, and fairly progressive. She's a member of a close group of friends who consider themselves family, a kind of organic family that is central to this country's future as the monogamous family unit fades away. I knew this child would have a nice support system.
The only hard part of our evening was at the end. She wanted to know whether i'd do it. She wanted to know right then. I hate rushing decisions, i wanted to spend more time with her. Perhaps the biggest thing holding me back was that there was no rush of hormonal attraction. I'm leery of anything that doesn't feel natural. She said our lack of animal attraction might be a plus for this situation. In another coincidence, i had just the previous day written an article about America, attraction, and fat...and she was indeed overweight. There were one or two other tiny elements. She did wear makeup, and her breath hit me wrong once or twice. I promised she'd have an answer within the week. The next day i wrote her saying that if she needed a definite answer, to assume that it wouldn't happen, but i left the door wide open for her to visit with me again. I sensed she would move on, which has proven to be so. In the days and nights since, i've wrestled with the spirituality of my choice. My impulse toward selflessness, my (admittedly immature) desire to spread my genes, my desire to act "naturally", my urge toward radical sharing, my testosterone screaming in my undersexed head as always...i'd be lying if i said that i haven't thought about writing her, and telling her to come to me.
Maybe the thing that held me back even more than simple attraction, was the thought that i might feel a post-coital loneliness more pronounced than non-coital loneliness.
I truly don't know.
And the third coincidental occurrence that landed on my head? Remember that friend who calls once every month or two? Guess who called, literally within one hundred seconds of my date's arrival?
Most of us are so overwhelmed by life's meaninglessness, we ascribe meaning where it never belongs. In the days that followed, i wondered...was my client's presence that day a reminder of what it should feel like when you make love? Was Penny's call a shout from the universe that she is supposed to be my first black lover...that i need to balance that account before i can engage in other transactions? Did i somehow summon her and my client that day? Plus another black woman i had powerful flirtations with on the subway a few days after?
Probably not, at least not in any mystical sense.
But just in case...beautifulprogressivesillyathleticasianwoman, beautifulprogressivesillyathleticnakedasianwoman, beautifulprogressivesillyathleticnakedasiantwins...
You'd better go. I might be at this a while.