success

As i near the end of my time in the most conspicuous human city since Rome, i realize two things. I like New Yorkers, and i'm not crazy about New York. Some of the reasons are obvious. The psychological distress of people cut off from nature, living too closely together...daily exposure to capitalism's haves and have-nots...i'm not sure which of those groups are more spiritually draining to be around.
Other reasons are less obvious. Ingrained in the zeitgeist of this city is the notion of "making it". It's a place of big dreams. The only thing i'll miss, aside from the occasional encouragement of fringe behavior, is the ever-present sense of opportunity...and that you might meet someone amazing any time you walk out the door. But all that opportunity comes wrapped in the dream of "hitting it big". A part of me has wondered whether i might thrive more elsewhere...and by "thrive", i mean find kindred spirits. Perhaps a place (the Rockies?) more connected to nature. Perhaps a place (New Mexico?) more conducive to art for art's sake. Perhaps a place (California?) more laid back. Perhaps a place (Mauritius?) less american.
Mind you, i've long known that the key to happiness lies within, not over the next hill. That said, a meditation on success seems in order. How do we judge ourselves, or the people in our lives? Whom do you look to with admiration or approval? How much of your inner guide is just a regurgitation of mythological archetypes or McDonald's commercials?
Living in a capitalist culture of celebrity, you're right fucked from the get-go. Toss in the superstition and psycho-sexual repression of islamic-judeo-christianity...well, most of us have a hazy idea of the person we'd like to be: trusting, giving, happy, accepting, and loving...but we all one day realize the towering walls that stand between us and that person. By the time we're capable of questioning our society's values, ha! We're already a fully-realized product of them. In our case, that means we're each of us a fearful sycophant. We live in fear of being undesired, or poor. One of our hugest, most oft-repeated lies? Money can't buy you love (or happiness). Studies on money and happiness reveal an unwavering causality. And love? What kind do you want? Sex? Indulgence? Loyalty? Forgiveness? The richer you are, the more likely you are to have any of those.
Why do we need this lie? The usual reason...to feel better about ourselves.
And our celebrity culture makes us sycophants. It teaches us to equate success with goodness, and that the end justifies the means.
As society secularizes, we exchange our worship of gods and priests for worship of Bill Gates and Brad Pitt. Who's bigger, pope or madonna? I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's part of a movement toward enlightenment. I'm not trashing the material girl...the song "Human Nature" kicks ass. But unlike an individual, humanity can only move forward in teensy strides. We can't get rid of God in one swoop, we need to replace it with something for a while.
So it turns out the Beatles WERE bigger than Jesus, and in exactly the way John meant before Brian or Paul or their EMI rep pressured him into his pseudo-recant.
Clapton is God?
We could do worse.
Going through this kind of self-analysis, i've had an insight...i become more sympathetic to women who are militantly fixated on men's superficiality, so much that they condemn any kind of appreciation of physical beauty. I realize that were i a woman, that would likely be my position too(!), for it parallels my own response to fame and fortune. My insights into the spirit-degrading aspects of a capitalist celebrity culture, have made it almost imperative that i never partake in any kind of fame or fortune. It's as personal to me as Barbie images must be to a woman who looks like anything but. Is it possible i take my anti-fortune/fame crusade too far?
For once, i'll not answer my own question, but content myself with what i know: those who chase fame do so out of vanity, and those who chase fortune do so out of fear.
What is success, in my corner of the sky?
It lies in the distinction between being and doing. Our society is doing-oriented. "So, whattaya DO, Jim?" "What the hell is he gonna DO with that degree?" "She's in real estate, i dunno what he DOES." "That's what i DID this year...what did you DO?"
Perhaps we ought measure success in being, not doing. What kind of person are you? What traits do you manifest? In what way do you affect the world around you? It's not unrelated to the concept of living in the moment...when you're centered, thoughts of negotiation or loss or gain take a back seat.
Not that there's anything wrong with being celebrated. The desire to be celebrated is fine, too. But when any such desire extends beyond the people one actually knows personally, you've stepped into a soul-imperiling ocean of narcissism. Celebrity, as we know it, poisons success. If i get occasional positive feedback from people i know, i can count on those responses to be mostly genuine. Were i "celebrated", would i not forever be unable to trust flattery, even from those closest to me?
Just do it?
Just be it.
Just be.