not-ends 2

The average child laughs out loud fifty times a day. The average adult, three. If we fix that, how many of our other problems will fix themselves?

If you got your unconventional piercing later than 1992, you're a derivative simpleton. The same goes for most of you tattooed twits.

The only way to understand the hellish, self-deluded existence of a conservative christian is to imagine naked hippies dancing in praise of Limbaugh Christ.

I just watched the series DEXTER, about a blood-obsessed serial killer. By far the most disturbing, gruesome part was what happened to his life when he became a parent.

In the race for the coveted title of "Most Insane Religion in the World", scientology is the first ever to actually lap itself and stumble past the "not insane at all" starting point, bizarrely making themselves (for a brief moment only) the sanest religion of all. I'll 'splain. The argument for intelligent design boils down to "I cannot conceive of any natural events by which life could have just happened". So the weak-minded turn to unnatural events. Scientologists believe that life on Earth was seeded by aliens. In terms of empirical plausibility, is that not a million times more sensible than an invisible, all-powerful force unbound by space or time?

Ironically, no genre of music (not even polka) is harder to transcend than gospel. Two have done it: Aretha and Elvis.

We call plastic surgeons doctors, because they're required to go to medical school. A doctor is one "who treats people who are ill". Is there anybody here who can find any part of what plastic surgeons do, in that definition? Can we please henceforth agree that, whatever plastic surgeons are, they are clearly not doctors?

TRUTH IS NEVER CRUEL (tattooed on my penis)

The bad news? Sexism and ageism are genetic. The good news? Racism isn't.

no-breaspian: An actor who stars on a nudity-rich television series, yet is never naked (even during sex).

I'm comfortable with the thought that i may be the most clear-thinking person you'll ever meet. I'm also comfortable with the thought that there's an abyssinian village where i'd be the idiot.