destructiveness

"I don't drink, and don't lie. Were every human so afflicted, i would never again be subject to moronic questions about why i don't get laid more."
-wrob

I'll stand by that statement, even though it is (for the sake of wit) a touch facile and simplistic.
Today, a third non-quality came to mind - destructiveness. It's possible that a lack of destructiveness may be one of the few concrete qualities which has long set me apart, as a human being.
Destructiveness is not evil. Destruction is an element of change. Whether with one person or millions, change requires a breaking down of the old. Creation is profoundly destructive.
The Harry Chapin song "Sniper" contains the lyric "I am a lover who's never been kissed, I am a fighter who's not made a fist". Though i've been kissed, i have indeed happily never made a fist. These two lines' proximity underscores the curious connection between loving and fighting. Both acts are profoundly penetrative. Many men (and some women, these days) acknowledge that they find the chase more compelling than the consummation.
Just as you don't need to google "crime of passion" to know there's a connection between love and hate, you don't have to watch lions mate to spot a connection between fighting and loving. Even among well-intentioned people, lies, half-truths, and sins of omission are part of nearly every sexual consummation. Selfishness is tied to romance in ways that few are ever able to be honest about. But as selfishness grows, so grows destructiveness.
Though i've been romantically involved with dozens of women, my lack of aggressiveness has reduced my number of "consummated" affairs. My personality is non-penetrative...okay, no, that's false. I'm penetrative, maybe even extremely so, but in a non-aggressive way. I've always been bored by the "chase", eager to skip to the communion of loving. There's never been an unplanned pregnancy in my life. My loving has been about nurturing (or at least the attempt to do so, as we humans fumble about, blindly seeking to fill our emptiness). My non-destructiveness has extended to all interpersonal relationships...i've long been aware that i'm one of the least likely people to offer personal advice.
Of course, i don't pretend that destructiveness has been alien to my spirit...were it so i never could have accepted a public speaking trophy, written a diatribe against makeup, or had a dream about trying to destroy a monster eel.
But now, the last year has brought me in touch with destructive interpersonal impulses. Every morning of my life i've awoken ready to live the most beautiful romantic story in the history of time...yet except for one or two years, my journey has been mostly solitary. Part of the reason may be that many women who desired me waited in vain for me to be more of a predator.
The scraping wound that has been in my spirit these past few years has manifested in both self-destructive and destructive impulses. My bloodied hunger for healing has nudged me toward ignoring some of my gentler wisdoms. I'm learning that a wounded creature becomes more impulsive and feral. It's like on some level, a part of me is seeking to reclaim my genetic birthright to be mindlessly sexualized. A tiny piece of me almost feels betrayed by my gentleness, and wishes to reclaim a decade or more of fucking. I'm long past ready to find the eye at the center of the storm. All my old habits of making sure that my partner isn't going too fast, for her sake or mine...these tendencies have been sorely tested lately.
Destructiveness of course does not stand apart from drinking and lying (indeed, the opposite is true). That being said, "I'm not destructive...were every human so afflicted, i would never again be subjected to moronic questions about why i don't get laid more", may be more concise than the earlier quote...
It is, however, entirely lacking in wit.
We'll go with the first one.