(Author's note: the following is a chronicle of my occasional life as a baby monkey mascot for a gourmet food company. Most mascots are annoying. You're about to meet one who isn't.)
BAD MONKEY (a Bananas guide)
You don’t believe it? He’s too cute, you say? Too sweet? He is those things, most certainly. He’s a little lover and a big charmer. But as granmammy always said, “a charmer will always get in, and he knows it”. Bananas is the essence of goodness. Just don’t turn your back. He’s mischievous. He’ll give you a scare, just for fun. He’ll untie your apron. He’ll move things on you. He’ll play people against each other, and sit back. For a big lug, he’s deceptively sly. He’s larcenous. Mostly it’s playful, and he’ll give back the trinkets. But larceny is larceny. He’s a flirt. Oh, he likes all people. Absolutely. Any love that comes to him he will bounce right back, regardless of age or gender. But oh yes, he does like the ladies... He’s just a little monkey, really. Let’s not judge harshly. And let’s climb inside.
Monkey Moves
I don't mean the stock moves, the obvious ones. The walk, the hug, the mimicry, the hip wiggle dance, the jump and turn dance, the pigtail popping, the “hide the eyes” game…no, i’m talking about the moves that not everyone sees.
THE OPPOSITE-SHOULDER TAP: An obvious one learned by all children, but the effect can be profound on someone who doesn’t realize a two-meter baby monkey has sidled up to them.
THE STEALTH HUG: He puts his arm around someone who didn’t see him coming.
THE NONCHALANT AT-YOUR-SIDE: He will stand next to someone who hasn’t seen him, looking away but nearly touching, and wait until noticed.
THE HAND SLIP: He will follow someone who doesn’t know they’re being followed, and stealthily slip his hand into theirs, and then continue walking while happily holding their hand, as though he’s decided to go home with them. He'll occasionally stick with someone for a good long time, too. If you’ve never seen this one, it’s probably my favorite and the results can be unforgettable.
THE FOLLOW: He will follow someone who doesn’t know they’re being followed, to see how long he can go unnoticed. Often a third party alerts the mark, and again the results can be unforgettable.
The trick in all these, of course, is finding the right mark. The key to monkey interaction is reading people. If you’re perceptive, people will tell you exactly what they want. Non-verbally, from across the room. Of course, you’re "reading" from inside a blackened bowl looking out through two small mesh-covered holes, and have to make assessments in a fraction of a second. That’s the single most important monkey skill. I’m a tiny bit amazed that i only misread somebody once or twice per convention, on average. And those happen because very occasionally i gamble. Relying on intuition and charm, i’ll sometimes interact with someone when i’m not 100% sure they want it. On those gambling occasions, there’s probably one miss for every nine hits.
The Costume
Yes, it’s hot. People get that. What i said about reading people goes the other way, too…pretty much the only time people will sympathetically address me as a suffering actor is when my butt is dragging a bit. It doesn’t happen often, and you'd think you could occasionally let your guard down when every part of you is covered, but damned if certain people don't pick up on it. It’s probably fair to say that most people couldn’t do Bananas, physically. At his best, he’s running, jumping, and dancing. In the costume-gig world, it’s rare that you’ll be asked to go for longer than three hours, with generous breaks. Most people will need more and longer breaks than i. The surprising thing is that i rarely get that “sweat streaming” condition in the suit; it happens sometimes, but i’ve gone whole shifts without that streaming feeling. Of course, even when not streaming, you’re living in a world of moisture. Every time i take the helmet off, the inside is layered in droplets. The manual says it’s 105 degrees in there. It’s heavy, too. The cumulative effect of adding six to eight pounds onto your neck for hours…massage therapy should be provided by the company after every shift. And a certain amount of high, non-stop physical activity is simply an inherent necessity, as sweeping head motions are needed to “see” the world effectively at all. At a show where my water supply was cut off, i learned that i wasn’t indestructible: I had to fight dehydration sickness the next day, while in the suit.
Kids
Kids are the best part of the job. Kids make it all worthwhile. In your bones, no hug by a child can ever be forgotten. Their eyes light up in wonder when you lift them up above your monkey head. The most amazing are the ones in that little window of time somewhere between two and three years old, the ones who are terrified at first (which is really the only sane reaction to a moving six-foot cloth and plastic monkey with painted eyes). But that terror, treated with dedicated patience, can be turned into fascination. And maybe once or twice per convention, a child will go from terror to fascination to love. And love from that particular child could never be described in words. You know that you’re touching them in a way that they will remember subconsciously forever. Sadly, there’s an irony involved with kids. They’re more rewarding, but harder physically. No, not so much because you have to be more active. Because they’re DOWN THERE. Seeing “down” for more than a second is a bitch. You have to lean your neck forward to see down (i strongly recommend any replacement monkey be substantially shorter than my 5’10”). Leaning over, you quickly realize what a gift it was to “only” have to stand up straight with the weight of that extra head. But you do all this, because that’s where the love is.
Women
As for Bananas being a flirt, there’s pragmatism in it. Now, i’m not saying i don’t enjoy it. I do. But a simple truth is that men generally are a bit less inclined than women to want interaction with someone in a monkey costume. Beyond that...ask the kids to leave the room for a moment, now...it usually happens about once per show that i meet a woman who has what can only be described as a monkey sexual fetish. When i give attention to such a woman, the reactions can be amazing…one woman got flushed, her eyes glazed and she could hardly talk…another showed me a monkey tattoo on her shoulder, and whispered that she wanted me on her back also. It happened, i swear. She got to me, too. We held hands, and there was a palpable current coursing between our hands, even through my big, soft, four-fingered glove. I’m pretty sure it was the only time i’ve ever been tempted to do or say anything unprofessional in any job i’ve EVER had. I’m not sure which of us had a harder time finally letting go. When i went home that night, i even posted a playful ad in the “missed connection” section of the online personals. Sigh...
Running Away
I understand that an element in the monkey’s marketing effectiveness is that i operate near the store or booth. Bananas doesn’t talk, so some people might think i’m just a big, happy monkey if i’m on my own, and not connect me to the product. And it can be fun when a company employee escorts me around. Those things said, i can’t stress enough that the most impactful, amazing moments as Bananas have come when i’ve “run away”. I would never expect any replacement monkey to be as physically independent as i, in terms of movement and speed and carrying. But i’ve stumbled into some unbelievable moments when i was out freelancing. An African drum circle in which i danced, as a crowd of at least a hundred gathered, clapping and cheering. The time i held a nearly newborn baby. Plunking down on the floor next to two teen workers who sat exhausted in a far corner of the pavilion, sharing a few surreal moments as a long show wound down. Bringing a present to someone who’s become my special friend over the course of a three-day show...
Just being Bananas.
BAD MONKEY (a Bananas guide)
You don’t believe it? He’s too cute, you say? Too sweet? He is those things, most certainly. He’s a little lover and a big charmer. But as granmammy always said, “a charmer will always get in, and he knows it”. Bananas is the essence of goodness. Just don’t turn your back. He’s mischievous. He’ll give you a scare, just for fun. He’ll untie your apron. He’ll move things on you. He’ll play people against each other, and sit back. For a big lug, he’s deceptively sly. He’s larcenous. Mostly it’s playful, and he’ll give back the trinkets. But larceny is larceny. He’s a flirt. Oh, he likes all people. Absolutely. Any love that comes to him he will bounce right back, regardless of age or gender. But oh yes, he does like the ladies... He’s just a little monkey, really. Let’s not judge harshly. And let’s climb inside.
Monkey Moves
I don't mean the stock moves, the obvious ones. The walk, the hug, the mimicry, the hip wiggle dance, the jump and turn dance, the pigtail popping, the “hide the eyes” game…no, i’m talking about the moves that not everyone sees.
THE OPPOSITE-SHOULDER TAP: An obvious one learned by all children, but the effect can be profound on someone who doesn’t realize a two-meter baby monkey has sidled up to them.
THE STEALTH HUG: He puts his arm around someone who didn’t see him coming.
THE NONCHALANT AT-YOUR-SIDE: He will stand next to someone who hasn’t seen him, looking away but nearly touching, and wait until noticed.
THE HAND SLIP: He will follow someone who doesn’t know they’re being followed, and stealthily slip his hand into theirs, and then continue walking while happily holding their hand, as though he’s decided to go home with them. He'll occasionally stick with someone for a good long time, too. If you’ve never seen this one, it’s probably my favorite and the results can be unforgettable.
THE FOLLOW: He will follow someone who doesn’t know they’re being followed, to see how long he can go unnoticed. Often a third party alerts the mark, and again the results can be unforgettable.
The trick in all these, of course, is finding the right mark. The key to monkey interaction is reading people. If you’re perceptive, people will tell you exactly what they want. Non-verbally, from across the room. Of course, you’re "reading" from inside a blackened bowl looking out through two small mesh-covered holes, and have to make assessments in a fraction of a second. That’s the single most important monkey skill. I’m a tiny bit amazed that i only misread somebody once or twice per convention, on average. And those happen because very occasionally i gamble. Relying on intuition and charm, i’ll sometimes interact with someone when i’m not 100% sure they want it. On those gambling occasions, there’s probably one miss for every nine hits.
The Costume
Yes, it’s hot. People get that. What i said about reading people goes the other way, too…pretty much the only time people will sympathetically address me as a suffering actor is when my butt is dragging a bit. It doesn’t happen often, and you'd think you could occasionally let your guard down when every part of you is covered, but damned if certain people don't pick up on it. It’s probably fair to say that most people couldn’t do Bananas, physically. At his best, he’s running, jumping, and dancing. In the costume-gig world, it’s rare that you’ll be asked to go for longer than three hours, with generous breaks. Most people will need more and longer breaks than i. The surprising thing is that i rarely get that “sweat streaming” condition in the suit; it happens sometimes, but i’ve gone whole shifts without that streaming feeling. Of course, even when not streaming, you’re living in a world of moisture. Every time i take the helmet off, the inside is layered in droplets. The manual says it’s 105 degrees in there. It’s heavy, too. The cumulative effect of adding six to eight pounds onto your neck for hours…massage therapy should be provided by the company after every shift. And a certain amount of high, non-stop physical activity is simply an inherent necessity, as sweeping head motions are needed to “see” the world effectively at all. At a show where my water supply was cut off, i learned that i wasn’t indestructible: I had to fight dehydration sickness the next day, while in the suit.
Kids
Kids are the best part of the job. Kids make it all worthwhile. In your bones, no hug by a child can ever be forgotten. Their eyes light up in wonder when you lift them up above your monkey head. The most amazing are the ones in that little window of time somewhere between two and three years old, the ones who are terrified at first (which is really the only sane reaction to a moving six-foot cloth and plastic monkey with painted eyes). But that terror, treated with dedicated patience, can be turned into fascination. And maybe once or twice per convention, a child will go from terror to fascination to love. And love from that particular child could never be described in words. You know that you’re touching them in a way that they will remember subconsciously forever. Sadly, there’s an irony involved with kids. They’re more rewarding, but harder physically. No, not so much because you have to be more active. Because they’re DOWN THERE. Seeing “down” for more than a second is a bitch. You have to lean your neck forward to see down (i strongly recommend any replacement monkey be substantially shorter than my 5’10”). Leaning over, you quickly realize what a gift it was to “only” have to stand up straight with the weight of that extra head. But you do all this, because that’s where the love is.
Women
As for Bananas being a flirt, there’s pragmatism in it. Now, i’m not saying i don’t enjoy it. I do. But a simple truth is that men generally are a bit less inclined than women to want interaction with someone in a monkey costume. Beyond that...ask the kids to leave the room for a moment, now...it usually happens about once per show that i meet a woman who has what can only be described as a monkey sexual fetish. When i give attention to such a woman, the reactions can be amazing…one woman got flushed, her eyes glazed and she could hardly talk…another showed me a monkey tattoo on her shoulder, and whispered that she wanted me on her back also. It happened, i swear. She got to me, too. We held hands, and there was a palpable current coursing between our hands, even through my big, soft, four-fingered glove. I’m pretty sure it was the only time i’ve ever been tempted to do or say anything unprofessional in any job i’ve EVER had. I’m not sure which of us had a harder time finally letting go. When i went home that night, i even posted a playful ad in the “missed connection” section of the online personals. Sigh...
Running Away
I understand that an element in the monkey’s marketing effectiveness is that i operate near the store or booth. Bananas doesn’t talk, so some people might think i’m just a big, happy monkey if i’m on my own, and not connect me to the product. And it can be fun when a company employee escorts me around. Those things said, i can’t stress enough that the most impactful, amazing moments as Bananas have come when i’ve “run away”. I would never expect any replacement monkey to be as physically independent as i, in terms of movement and speed and carrying. But i’ve stumbled into some unbelievable moments when i was out freelancing. An African drum circle in which i danced, as a crowd of at least a hundred gathered, clapping and cheering. The time i held a nearly newborn baby. Plunking down on the floor next to two teen workers who sat exhausted in a far corner of the pavilion, sharing a few surreal moments as a long show wound down. Bringing a present to someone who’s become my special friend over the course of a three-day show...
Just being Bananas.
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